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‘Shh, Molly,’ Charlotte says, placing her finger over her lips. ‘What did we talk about in the car? Kayla is very sleepy. We need to be calm and quiet.’
I shake my head. ‘It’s okay,’ I say. ‘Kayla has been asleep most of the day. It would actually be great if she woke up for a little while.’
Charlotte looks at me, unsure. I know she wants to enquire about Kayla. But she doesn’t say a word. I’m sure she’ll ask Gavin at home later instead.
‘Sorry,’ Charlotte says. ‘We should have called ahead.’
‘No, no. It’s fine,’ I say, honestly. ‘It’s nice to have some company.’
‘Santa is coming soon,’ Molly reminds me, as she climbs into the chair beside me and smiles up at me with beautiful, happy eyes.
‘Yes. Yes he is,’ I say. ‘I hope you’ve been a good girl.’
‘I bee’d so good,’ Molly says.
‘That’s great, Molly,’ I say.
‘I even goed to peenano tonight just so Mammy could be not wibbly wobbly.’
I look at Charlotte, concerned. She doesn’t say anything.
‘Mammy was going to cry when she was scrubbing the dishes, but I said I’d go to peenano and then she didn’t need to cry.’
I look at Charlotte. Her eyes are glassy as she watches Kayla. I think about asking her what her plans are for Christmas. Gavin will no doubt want to spend some time here. Will Molly and Charlotte come withhim, or would Molly prefer to stay at home with her presents? I’m plucking up the courage to ask when Molly pushes my hair behind my ear as she does often when she has a big secret to tell. Usually it’s about that mean boy in school who won’t let her build a colourful tower, but today she takes a deep breath and presses her gorgeous little nose even closer than usual.
‘I asked Santa for a secret,’ she whispers, her warm breath tickling my ear.
‘A surprise,’ I say, knowingly. Kayla always asked Santa for a surprise when she was Molly’s age. My favourite thing on Christmas morning was waking up and seeing her little, stunned face.
‘No.’ Molly pulls back a little but stays in whispering distance. ‘A secret.’
‘Okay,’ I say. ‘A secret sounds very special, Molly. I hope Santa brings it.’
‘He will,’ Molly says, confidently. ‘Santa is magic.’
‘He is,’ I say, nodding.
‘It’s okay, Heather,’ Molly says pressing her lips right against my ear, and her small chubby arms tighten a fraction around my neck. ‘Santa can do anything. Ben in my class said so.’
‘Oh, Molly,’ I exhale, wishing life were that simple.
‘I can’t wait for Christmas,’ Molly says.
‘Me too,’ I lie with a heavy heart.
FIFTY-FOUR
CHARLOTTE
I drive onto our road some time before midnight. Gavin is still at the hospital with Kayla and Heather. Molly is asleep in her car seat in the back. Somehow our brief visit to the hospital turned into hours. Kayla woke up shortly after we arrived and when Gavin came back to the room, she took a couple of mouthfuls of Heather’s coffee, much to Gavin’s disgust.
‘Seriously, Heather, you don’t let her drink coffee, do you? That’s so bad for her,’ he said, wide-eyed.
‘Really, Dad?’ Kayla whispered, straining to make sound pass her lips. ‘Coffee is what you’re worried about. You do see the irony, right?’
Everyone laughed. Even Gavin. But there was a sad acceptance that followed our giggles. That’s how most of the evening played out. Laughing and talking could only lift us for so long before the weight of sadness inevitably followed.
No one came to tell us visiting hours were over, the way they used to when we outstayed our welcome. The nurses popped in and out to perform their usual checks. We’re so accustomed to them poking and prodding Kayla that conversation went on around them, or we paused to include them. There was no awkwardness and it all felt very normal,as if this is what life has become for us all now and we’re so familiar that we fit in to Kayla’s hospital life like pieces of old furniture that have always seemed to be there. Jack stopped by too before he headed home for the night. And I got the distinct impression he was checking up on Heather as much as Kayla, but I didn’t say anything. Besides, he didn’t stay very long. Heather assumed he was exhausted after a full shift, but I think he was leaving us alone to enjoy some precious family time that we so desperately needed. It was the most wonderful evening I’ve had in a very, very long time and I hope Molly asks if we can go to the hospital again tomorrow after swimming. Because my answer will be a resounding yes. We can go every single night. We will go every single night.
