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‘You’re right,’ Mam says, slackening her seat belt so she can turn to look at me. ‘Pizza is the best plan. I’ll call now and get them to deliver. It’ll probably arrive just as we get home.’
I drop my head back and stare at the ceiling. I’m obviously in trouble or Mam and Dad wouldn’t be here together. It looks like it’s pizza with a side of lecture for dinner.Great!
Back at the house, Dad is super careful as he carries me to the couch and Mam runs upstairs. She comes back with the teal fleece blanket from my bed even though it’s not cold.
‘There now,’ Mam says, tucking me in, and it’s surprisingly comfortable.
There’s a knock on the front door and Dad pulls out his wallet before he even leaves the sitting room. ‘I’ll get this,’ he says, hurrying as if something might happen if he’s out of the room for too long.
Mam doesn’t talk while he’s gone. She’s staring at me with teary eyes and the only sounds are the mumbles from Dad talking to the pizza guy at the door.
‘Okay what?’ I say, pressing my hands onto my hips.
‘Let’s just wait for Dad,’ Mam says.
I’m momentarily distracted by the delicious smell as Dad comes back carrying two large pizza boxes. I can tell they’re pepperoni before he even opens a box, and as much as my tummy is rumbling pizza will have to wait because I can’t take this weirdness anymore.
‘Will one of you please, please, please tell me what’s going on? If I’ve done something wrong?—’
‘Kayla, no. God no,’ Dad says, quickly. ‘You haven’t done anything wrong, kiddo. None of this is your fault.’
‘None of what?’ I ask, more confused than ever.
‘I- I-’ Mam stutters, looking at Dad. ‘Gavin.’
‘Your test results are back, Kay,’ Dad says, and I watch as he looks like he might drop the pizza boxes.
‘And?’ I say, my tummy somersaulting.
‘It’s not great news,’ Dad says. His face has gone weird, as if he’s frozen.
I exhale and shake my head. ‘But I can still play basketball, right? I mean, whatever the problem is they can fix it.’
‘Kayla,’ Mam says, sitting on the couch beside me and taking my hand the way people do with old people in movies when they’re about to break bad news. ‘Your father and I met a doctor in Dublin today and?—’
‘And,’ I cut across her, ‘can I still play basketball? We have the county finals in six weeks. I have to play, Mam. Please? I’ll take it easy after that. I’ll rest up until Christmas or whatever. But I have to play the final. Please, you know how important this is.’
‘Kayla you’re very sick,’ Dad says, finally putting the pizza boxes down on the coffee table.
I exhale really sharply and make myself light-headed.This isn’t fair. They’re ganging up on me!
‘Kayla, sweetheart,’ Mam says, stroking her thumb over and back across my hand. ‘The doctor says you have cancer.’
What?I take a deep breath and close my eyes.Cancer. What the fuck? No. Just. No.
‘Kayla?’ Mam calls me.
I don’t answer. Dad comes to sit beside me on the couch and kisses my head like he used to when I was little.
‘Kayla, I’m sorry,’ Mam says, ‘but we’re going to see the best doctors in the best hospital and?—’
‘So I really can’t play anymore,’ I finally say. ‘I mean, that’s it. Everything I’ve worked so hard for, that’s it. It was all just a big waste.’
‘Kayla, I really am so sorry sweetheart. I’m sorry,’ Mam says.
Mam and Dad continue to talk but I’m not really listening. Mam is apologising over and over as if any of this is her fault and Dad is beingMr Overly Positive, so I know how freaked out he actually is. I open my eyes and stare at Mam’s favourite photo of me above the fireplace. My face is all red and sweaty and I’m smiling like crazy after shooting hoops with Dad and Charlotte for hours. I’m missing my two front teeth so I think I was about six-ish. I remember how I couldn’t wait to grow up and play for a real team. I never realised I was wishing my life away. But I guess I was.This isn’t fair.
I close my eyes and try so hard not to cry. Suddenly basketball isn’t the most important thing in the world. Staying alive is.
