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‘I understand this is awful. I do,’ I say, half-crying, half-apoplectic. ‘Awful for Kayla. Awful for you and Heather as her parents. But it’s awful for me too.’
‘I know you care about Kayla,’ Gavin begins. ‘I know you love her, too.’
I know he’s going to steer this in the wrong direction and make this about medicine and operations and fears, so I cut across him.
‘It’s awful because you’re cutting me out. And I don’t mean from Kayla’s treatment. I know those decisions are up to you and Heather. I mean you’re cutting me out as your wife.’
Gavin shakes his head. ‘I’m sorry. That was never my intention.’
‘I’ve barely seen you since you got the news. Tonight you even forgot that I don’t eat meat,’ I say. ‘And when I do see you, Heather is with you. I can’t talk with her there. For God’s sake, I can’t even ask you if you’re okay.’
‘Yes you can.’ Gavin shakes his head. ‘You can always ask me that, Charlie. Always.’
‘No. No, I can’t,’ I say. ‘I’m not comfortable. And now she’s staying here. I mean, I get it, I do. I’m happy that Heather staying in Dublin helps. Honestly, I want to help. I want her to be close to Kayla – to see her all the time. I just…’ I pause to catch my breath and Gavin looks at me so intensely it feels like I might snap in half. ‘I just… I’m overwhelmed. I walked in tonight to find the two of you sharing a romantic dinner for two, for God’s sake.’
‘No. C’mon, Charlie.’ Gavin grows very serious. ‘I can’t believe you just said that. That’s not what dinner was at all. You must know that Heather was thrilled about the baking news. She was so stressed out about money before. This was a Godsend. I was happy for her. Jesus.’
I take some deep breaths and try to calm down. My heart is beating out of my chest and I remember I forgot to eat any dinner. I’m regretting the couple of glasses of wine now as the reeling sensation in my head threatens to topple me over.
‘I don’t want Molly to go to the hospital,’ I say, folding my arms across my chest. ‘I’m sorry. But I don’t.’
‘What? Why?’ Gavin’s eyes cloud over with disappointment.
‘I don’t think it’s good for her. She’s too young to understand.’
‘But I told Heather I’d bring Molly in,’ Gavin says.
‘Well, you shouldn’t have. Not without checking with me first.’
‘I’m checking with you now,’ Gavin grunts, growing angry.
‘And I say no.’
‘Charlotte, they’re sisters.’
‘Half-sisters,’ I correct, immediately hating that I went there. I’ve never gone there.
Gavin throws the duvet back and stands facing me in just his boxers. ‘They. Are. Sisters.’
I don’t speak.
‘Kayla is sick, Charlie, and all she wants is to see her little sister.’ Gavin sways, a broken man. ‘I don’t care about halves or whose feelings might get hurt. I am bringing my little girl to visit her big sister. They are both my daughters.’
‘Gavin… I…’ I trail off. There’s nothing more to say. This isn’t how I wanted this conversation to go. I’m too upset with Gavin and Heather, too worried about Molly, and too terrified for Kayla to even try to make sense of it all.
‘Where are you going?’ I ask, as I watch Gavin pull on a tracksuit.
‘For a drive,’ Gavin says.
‘Heather’s car is parked behind yours. You’re blocked in.’
‘Then I’ll take your car.’ Gavin looks at me, his eyes are bloodshot with fury and puffy with hurt. ‘Unless, of course, I need to ask permission for that too?’
‘Gavin, c’mon,’ I say. ‘That’s not fair.’
Gavin shakes his head, walks past me without looking at me and reaches for the door handle. I know he won’t ask Heather to move hercar so he can take his. As hurt as he is, I know he wouldn’t let me down that far, but I don’t doubt he’d go out walking instead. He’s wearing all black and the roads into town aren’t the safest at this hour. And he’s too angry and upset to suggest he goes back to bed, and, being honest, I’m too angry and upset to be around him either.
‘The keys are on the hall table. Drive safely,’ I say. ‘It’s late.’
