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‘Yes. You are,’ Gavin says, placing his hand on my back and I can feel him shaking. ‘You’re a very good girl, Molly.’
I straighten and look away for a moment, taking some deep breaths. I don’t want Gavin to see how rattled I am. He has enough on his plate. I need to stay strong.
‘C’mon, Charlie. It’s okay,’ he says, rubbing my back. ‘Molly just doesn’t understand. That’s all.’
‘I know. I know.’ I nod, hating this feeling. I have no right to take my worries out on Molly, especially when it’s her I’m so worried about. ‘I’m sorry, Molly.’
The overflow car park is ridiculously far from the main building and I’ve no doubt Molly’s legs are growing tired. Gavin must be thinking the same because just as I’m about to bend down to pick her up, he scoops her into his arms and kisses her cheek.
‘Nearly there,’ he says.
‘I’m hungry,’ Molly says.
‘I know.’ Gavin sighs. ‘Me too. We’ll get lunch after we see the doctor, okay?’
‘I still don’t know why she had to fast since midnight,’ I say, struggling to hide my frustration in front of Molly. ‘It’s crazy expecting a small child to understand. They really should have given us a morning appointment.’
‘Well, we’re here now,’ Gavin says. ‘And you’re all ready, Molly, aren’t you?’
‘Yes.’ Molly nods, certain, and my heart pinches knowing she has no understanding of what is going on.
‘You’re going to be a big brave girl today, aren’t you?’ Gavin chokes and I can tell he’s struggling. I can only imagine how hard this is for him.
Molly reaches her chubby arms around Gavin and rubs his shoulders the way she’s seen me do countless times. ‘There. Is that any better?’ she says, copying the words I use.
‘Oh, Molly,’ Gavin whispers, barely able to form words. ‘What would I do without you?’
‘Daddy, don’t squeezy me so tight. Your scratchy bits are yucky,’ Molly protests as she points at Gavin’s woollen jumper. And for the first time in a while I hear Gavin laugh.
‘C’mon, Charlie. We can do this,’ Gavin says, draping an arm over my shoulder as he holds Molly in the other. ‘We just have to keep it together.’
‘Yes, Daddy,’ Molly says. ‘Keep it together.’
Gavin laughs again. Louder this time. I laugh too. But Molly shakes her head and makes a face, clearly unimpressed.
Gavin puts Molly down as we reach the main door and our little girl seems full of renewed energy as her curious eyes sweep over the large old building.
‘It’s huger than my school,’ she announces. ‘And there’s magic doors too. Like the ones at the shops.’
‘Magic doors?’ Gavin asks.
‘Automatic doors,’ I say, quickly. ‘Remember when Molly was afraid of the doors at the supermarket?’
‘’Cos they might eat me,’ Molly adds, reaching for my hand, suddenly much less enthusiastic about a big building.
‘They won’t eat you,’ I say. ‘Magic doors aren’t scary. They just open wide so you can go inside.’
‘’Cos they’re magic,’ Molly says, and I’m not sure if she’s telling Gavin or reminding herself.
‘Ah. I see.’ Gavin nods. ‘Magic doors. Well, should I go first?’
Molly nods squeezing my hand as we follow Gavin.
‘It’s stinky,’ she says, scrunching her nose at the intense smell of antiseptic as soon as we step inside. ‘Hostable smells like the toilet.’
‘Molly, shh,’ I say, as Gavin leads us towards reception. ‘Don’t be rude.’
We pass a packed waiting area of children and their parents waiting outside A&E. There aren’t many teenagers. I only notice one boy about Kayla’s age slouched in his chair. He’s scrolling through his phone while pressing a blooded cloth against his elbow. I assume it’s deep. The poor kid will probably need stitches. But then he will be fine. I can’t take my eyes off him, wishing that Kayla was in his shoes. Wishing that Kayla’s problem was a messy sports injury and one day soon she’ll be as good as new.
