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“That man is still in love with you.”
I stop at a stand filled with Alstroemerias and look at my friend, my mouth agape. “He is not.”
“Denial. It’s classic.”
Shaking my head, I begin walking again. “It’s not denial. It’s truth.”
“So, he’s staying married to you, and re-marrying you so that you can make your dad happy just because you asked?”
I shrug. “Hudson’s a good man.”
“Hudson is a good man. He’s also head over heels for you, and you can deny it all you want but you feel the same way.”
“It doesn’t matter if I do, nothing can come of this.”
Lottie stops and grabs my arm. “Wait, you love him?”
Biting my lip, I look away before nodding. “I don’t think I ever stopped.”
Lottie squeals and her bodyguards jump before she waves them away. “Audrey, this is huge. You’ve always said how much you hate him.”
“I know, but that was when I thought he cheated on me. When he explained everything about his mom and Tia’s birth, my anger kind of died and now I’m left with the awful realization that I still love him.”
“Why awful?”
“Because it would never work between us now. He deserves better than half a woman who would think so badly of him.”
“Oh, bullshit. Why would you say that crap?”
Now it’s my turn to stop walking. “It’s not crap.”
“It’s utter and complete crap. You’re smart, kind, beautiful, successful. Any man would be lucky to have you.”
I shake my head. “You don’t understand.”
And how could she, nobody knows. I hide myself away under a veneer of perfection. I’m a fraud and it’s exhausting.
“Then make me understand because from where I’m standing, we have two people who love each other who are faking the fact that they’re faking being in love instead of going after what they want.”
“I can’t have children.”
The words spill out of me, as if I can’t hold them in any longer and it feels like a relief to say it out loud after all this time.
“Oh, honey, I’m sorry. Can I ask?”
“I need coffee and cake for this conversation.”
“Great idea and now I don’t want to puke every two minutes, I can enjoy it too.”
We head out of the flower market and over to a little coffee shop called Java Junkies which do the best blueberry muffins on the planet. We order and find a table near the back corner as our shadows station themselves two tables over and growl at anyone who comes close. It’s normal for me, I’ve had close protection for years, but I know Lottie is still finding it strange.
“So, do you want to talk about it?”
“I do actually, and that’s a first.”
Lottie covers my hand with hers and I feel so lucky to have her in my life as my family.
“I told you about what happened with Hudson and I, and how I went to find him, but I didn’t mention that I was pregnant at the time.”
