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I hear Lottie suck in a breath and somehow watching her emotions helps me to keep mine from drowning me in grief. “Well, I saw what I saw. I was crying so hard on the drive back that I was in a car accident. It was nothing major, just a bump, but I lost the baby. I was devastated and Lincoln is the only person who knows because I called him after the accident. It’s why he’s so hard on Hudson.”
“Oh, Audrey, that’s awful. You poor thing. But that shouldn’t mean you can’t have a successful pregnancy next time around.”
I know she’s being kind, but it still hurts to have that hope flashed in from of your eyes even for a second. “No, I can’t. After about a year, my periods were either non-existent or really light, so I went to see a specialist. He diagnosed me with Asherman’s Syndrome. It’s where the uterine lining scars, and it can cause infertility. The doctor said the likelihood of me getting pregnant was almost nil.”
“God, that’s awful.”
I huff a laugh and take a bite of my muffin to hide the pain I still feel. If I hadn’t been pregnant then I wouldn’t have had the procedure which probably caused my condition. It’s hard not to be bitter about that, but Hudson has no idea.
“Does Hudson know any of this?”
I shake my head. “No, what’s the point? He feels bad enough about what he did and telling him solves nothing.”
“It might help you both if you’re honest with him, and then you can have a healthy start and make something real out of the ashes of the past.”
“I don’t know. He hasn’t said outright that he even wants this to be real.”
“Have you?”
“No.”
Lottie gives me her ‘mom’ look and I roll my eyes at her. “That look doesn’t work on me.”
“You need to tell him and stop hiding.”
“How can you say that to me after what I just told you?”
“Because I love you like the sister I never had. What happened is awful, but it doesn’t mean you can’t have a future with the man who loves you and who you love.”
Her words hit me hard. Could I have it all even now or is it a pipe dream that will blow up in my face?
I can’t deny I want to be with Hudson. These last three days not seeing him or Tia have been horrible. My apartment, which I’d once loved, now feels too quiet and cold. I miss the noisy dinners and the dolls strewn about and the paintings on the fridge. How has my life turned upside down in just four days? “What if it doesn’t work out?”
“What if it does? Are you going to let the fear of one outshine the hope of the other?”
“He might not even want me.”
“Will you stop? He wants you and since when have you ever stood back and not gone after something you want? You’re Audrey fucking Kennedy. You don’t wait, you conquer.”
“So, I should conquer Hudson?”
“Well, I’m not sure conquering him will work. Something tells me that man wears the pants in the bedroom, but I do think you should climb him like a tree and then ride him until you can’t see straight.”
I scowl at Lottie and throw my napkin at her. “I think I prefer you meek and mild.”
“No, you don’t.”
“No, I don’t.”
The truth is, I love how confident Lottie is now. She blossomed and, in turn, softened the harsh edges of my cousin. They make each other better. I’m just not sure Hudson and I do that. But there is a part of me that wants to find out, even though it terrifies me.
Lottie laughs and we move onto the subject of the wedding plans. We have three weeks to pull this off after Hudson agreed to a date last night over text messages.
“So, let’s do this. What do you need me to do?”
We set about making a list of everything we need and, as we’re close, we head back to the flower market to look at ideas for the bouquet and arrangements. Usually, thinking about my infertility leaves me in a pit of depression but today I don’t feel that. Talking to Lottie about what happened is freeing. It changes nothing but it makes me realize that my happiness doesn’t have to be tied to my ability to have a child.
As we round the corner into the section of the market with roses, I see a familiar figure leaning against the door, one hand shoved in his pocket. As he sees me, he pushes off and walks toward me, a sexy smile on his face.
