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Noah
“What are you doing out here? It’s a little hot for that, isn’t it?” Brazen comes up behind me, edging closer to the fire.
“I’m cleansing,” I tell him. “Isn’t it obvious?”
“That’s great, but I’m going to need a little more information.”
I guess it’s only obvious to me. Crickets chirp in the night, and the flames warm my face. I step back to avoid singeing the hair on my arms and inhale a deep breath.
“I’m letting go. Or rather, I’m burning the past.” I hold up a familiar old envelope.
“The letter from your mom?”
“Well, it isn’t my wish list for Santa. That would have more purpose in my life.”
“Are you sure about this, Noah? There is nothing in that letter you might want someday?”
His hand touches mine, and I look up at him.
“She was never part of my life. Why should I hold on to something that only reminds me of the pain she caused me?” I’m sure. I’m really sure about this. I’ve thought on and on about it.
“Okay, then do you want company?”
“Always, when it’s you asking.”
The handwriting on the outside is recognizable. Not because I had loving notes put in my lunch box or because the person who addressed the letter helped me with my homework. The penmanship is only familiar because I’ve stared at the envelope every day for weeks. Well, not anymore, not after tonight. I’m ready to let go of these words that have chased me. I lift the first page from its confines and let it fall from my fingertips. Slowly, the edge catches fire until the entirety is engulfed.
A small weight lifts from my chest.
I throw in another, bowing my head and enjoying the scent of burning paper.
“I’m proud of you, Noah.” His arm drapes around my shoulders.
“I’m proud of me, too.” I toss in another sheet and then cuddle in closer to him.
“Should you say something?” he asks with eyes on the growing fire.
“It isn’t a funeral. What would I say?”
“You can say anything you want. This is your cleansing.” He encourages me to let out my emotions.
I’m safe with him to say whatever I feel in this moment.
“Okay, let me think.”
I bend the envelope in my hand and think about what’s running through my mind. I’m still learning everything there is to know about the freedom to live my life. Six months ago, my whole life basically existed within one location. I never had a job or even thought about paying a bill. The relationships in my life were cordial and clinical. I saw very little and wondered about my abilities. It’s hard to know what you’re capable of when you aren’t challenged. I never felt loved or really like I belonged.
Now . . .
I’ve come.
I’ve seen.
And, damn it, I’m conquering.
I have free range to sort out my emotions on my own. I can walk down the sidewalk and literally smell the roses. I can go here, there, and everywhere. I have a job, and I’ve already started my classes to get my real estate license. I’m loved by a few, and I reciprocate intense feelings as well. I am strong. I am able. I’m ready for anything thrown my way.
I’m ready to let out how I feel and share it with Brazen.
