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The waiter comes to take our order, and Catherine steels her face, placing her order without looking up from the menu.
Once the server is gone, she speaks again, “He left me. I’d given that man everything I could ever give. He’s the only man that I ever truly felt loved me back. I gave you away so that I could keep him, and like some cliché, he left me for a new convertible and a younger woman.”
She gave him everything.
She loved him.
She chose him over me.
And he left her.
It all clicks. Oh, the vicious irony.
“You’re here because he threw you away, just like you did me. So, you thought, now that he no longer wants you, we could reconnect? Is that it, Catherine?”
Brazen was right. She isn’t here to simply see me. She isn’t here to apologize or to beg my forgiveness or to try to make things right.
“I wanted to enjoy a nice lunch before we dove into anything else, but it seems like you aren’t going to let that happen. After all these years apart, I thought we could spend some time together. It’s our second chance.”
One she never would have come after if her husband hadn’t kicked her to the curb.
“A second chance? Who said I wanted one? Was my moving across the country not a big enough hint that I wanted nothing to do with you? I spent my entire childhood at an orphanage because you chose a man over your own daughter.”
“You’re being dramatic. I told you how much he meant to me.”
“You know what? When you toss that pathetic excuse at me, all I hear is, I didn’t love you enough. At least you are getting a tiny glimpse of what it was like for me to be cast aside by someone who was supposed to love me. Now, tell me what you really want.”
“Mark moved his girlfriend in, and I’ve been staying at a hotel, but that’s hardly a home. I haven’t had a job or paid bills in years, Noah. I can’t be all alone. I’m not made for that sort of life. I don’t know how to live like that anymore, especially without you. I need a place to stay. I need you.”
None of that is my fault or my problem. Maybe that makes me cold. Maybe it makes me every bit as horrible as she is. And maybe it doesn’t.
“So, you came here, hoping that I would take you in? Well, that isn’t going to happen. You never should have come here at all.”
Our food comes, and Catherine keeps her head down to her plate. Brazen’s hand, which has been steady on my leg this whole time, rubs up and down, offering silent comfort. His quiet presence has helped me to find strength during this entire fiasco. He has this way about him that is so supportive, and he allows me to handle things on my own but also lets me know he has my back. He doesn’t even need to speak for me to feel it.
I look over at him and mouth, I love you, and he returns the silent words.
I start eating my lunch while our atmosphere is bathed in awkward silence. The restaurant seems to grow louder as our company stays quiet. A boisterous woman at the table next to us cackles through bites of food. An older gentleman in the corner is red-faced and in the middle of a coughing fit. A toddler screams for dessert across the room. All of these background noises makes my anxiety worsen.
More than half of my salad is gone before Catherine speaks again, “If you aren’t going to help me, then there’s no reason for me to be in your life. I need you, Noah, and you’re just shutting me out.” She looks up at me with silent pain in her eyes.
Where was that pain on the day she went to the courthouse to give up her rights? Where was that regret when I was sitting in that orphanage, wondering what I had done to make my mom give me away?
Not allowing this does make me feel bad, but at this point, I need to look out for myself. It’s just the way it needs to be.
“You don’t need me. You need something from me. Money. A place to stay. Not a daughter, and that’s fine because I don’t want a mother, not anymore. I do have a few questions of my own that I’d like answered though.” I wouldn’t have done this today had she been more receptive, but if this is the last time I’ll see her, then I have to ask.
“So, you’re turning me away, but you’d still like something from me? Is that how it is?” She shoots me an undignified look and shakes her head before jumping up from the table and stomping her foot.
Seriously?
Brazen speaks for the first time since my mother arrived, “I’ve held my tongue, Catherine, but you need to watch what you say. Noah doesn’t owe you a thing. She didn’t have to come here at all, and to be honest, it’s probably more than someone else in her situation would have done. Do us all a favor; knock off the holier-than-thou attitude, and answer some questions. It’s the least you could do after what you put her through.”
I let out a huge sigh and wait for her reaction.
She sits back down and lowers her voice. “What do you want to know?” Once again, Catherine directs her attention to me and ignores Brazen.
“In all those years, why didn’t you come to see me?”
