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He meant our parents. For the first eight years of my life, we’d lived in the same house in the same wealthy neighborhood. But unlike me, he was doted on. The golden child who could do no wrong.
I’d done everything in my power to erase those years from my memory.
When I didn’t say anything, Boomerang gripped the back of his neck and continued. “Right. So our mother is a vain, narcissistic bitch. Our father’s a spineless twat.” Leaning forward, I looked down and watched beads of condensation roll down the bottle in my hand. “Do you remember what they were like?”
I bounced my knee. “Not really, just how they made me feel. Scared and uncomfortable. Mother was… mean.” I despised calling her that. She didn’t deserve the title. “I hated when the school called her because she’d get so mad and yell at me. Lock me in my room.” No matter what I did, it was never good enough.
He nodded but his expression was soft. “She hated you. She only wanted boys. You got the name Peyton because that’s what she picked out for her son and refused to change it.” Boomerang clenched his jaw. “She blamed you for everything. Said you sucked the beauty right out of her. And then everyone saw how smart you were and that’s all anyone wanted to talk to her about. Not about her, but about you.” The torment in his eyes nearly broke me, and I had to stifle the urge to lay a comforting hand on his arm.
“You being a fucking genius was what sent her over the edge. Any time I showed you affection, gave you a hug, let you read to me, she’d punish you. I’m not as smart as you,” he said with a self-deprecating smile, “but it didn’t take me long to catch on to what was happening. So I tried ignoring you. She still hated you, but as long as I ignored you, she mostly did too. I realized that the only way I could help keep you safe was to pretend you didn’t exist.”
His admission caused memories to flood to the surface. The loneliness of isolation. Being forced to eat in my room alone. Having no one to talk to about anything real and not being allowed to talk at all whenever we had guests. The time she’d realized that all my friends lived in the pages of my favorite books and had thrown them all away.
But never once had I considered what it was like for him. How being the favorite child wasn’t the boon I’d thought it was. How selfish was I that it never occurred to me that he was suffering too?
“Our father was no better. He let her do whatever she wanted and never protected you the way he should have.” He took a long pull from his beer, then looked up at the sky. “One night they got into a fight. Well, more like he sat there and listened while she yelled and bitched about you. Said that she wanted to send you to this military school she’d read about. One meant to help troubled youth or some shit. Sperm donor didn’t say a fucking thing. Didn’t tell her she was crazy, that you weren’t fuckingtroubled.Nothing.
“A few days later, I saw the brochure on the kitchen table. So I called Uncle Wolf.” He looked into my eyes, and for the first time I could remember, I could see that he loved me. I gasped, feeling like I’d been sucker punched. His call to Uncle Wolf had saved me, and I didn’t know how to thank him for that after all these years. “Weren’t you like twelve?”
He shrugged. “Yeah. I was too young to help you, so I called the strongest person I knew. The only guy who ever stood up to Mom and Dad. I knew he’d keep you safe, and it helped that he hated our parents. He and Aunt Jeannie stormed in, threw their weight around with a few of their friends, and got you out. Mom was more put out that bikers dirtied up her floor than she was about them taking you.”
“I remember her not hugging me goodbye.” Not that I’d cared, but it had stuck with me.
“They had to sign over half the construction company to Redemption for child support.” He chuckled. Nobody ever told me how Redemption had pulled that one off, and I smiled at the knowledge that Uncle Wolf had stuck it to our parents in a way that benefited the club they both loathed so much. “Aunt Jeannie really enjoyed that part. Threatened to tell Mom’s little country club friends exactly what kind of mother she was if they didn’t sign. Never seen her move so fast.”
I nodded but didn’t know what to say after all of that. We sat across from each other, him sipping his beer and me peeling off the label of mine, and for the first time ever, the silence between us wasn’t uncomfortable.
“Why’d it take so long for you to talk to me?” I finally asked.
“I don’t like talking. But figured I didn’t have a choice after kicking your boyfriend’s ass.”
“You’re right, you didn’t have a choice. And I don’t have a boyfriend, but since you brought Reaper up, maybe we should have a chat about that too.” I raised my eyebrows.
Boomerang glared at me but gave in when I didn’t budge. “Fuck. Fine. Whatever. Midas was in on it with me, so you better pull him in for one of these come-to-Jesus meetings too.” He paused. I nodded and motioned for him to continue. “We, uh… warned him.” Tipping his head back, he stared at the sky for a long moment before coming back to me. “You’re one of the most precious things I have in my life, Payday, even if I never showed it. I saw the way you looked at him. You deserved to live whatever life you wanted, not be stuck because you got involved with someone when you were too young. If you’re looking for an apology, I’m not going to give you one.”
I’d completely forgotten that he used to call me Payday, and him using the old childhood nickname now made me remember how much I adored him when I was little. How I called him “Eat” because I couldn’t make thethsound, and how he was so patient when I made him play dolls or listen to me readMatildaover and over again. And now, he was being so sweet in his own misguided and deranged way.
“I was always going to leave for work, Eat.” His head fell back on a laugh, and he elbowed me but turned serious when I continued. “I didn’t have the option to stick around for what might’ve happened.” Sipping my beer, I tried to find the right words to express what the past ten years had been like for me. “Reaper’s rejection hit hard, especially when the rest of you literally acted like I didn’t exist anymore. The things he said to me that day… I thought I was the problem. That’s a lot of anguish you put me through with your misguided attempt to protect me.”
“Okay, fine. I should have told you to stay away from Reaper instead of the other way around.” He might not be willing to apologize, but I could see the regret in his eyes. “And yeah, we kept our distance. What can I say? We’re idiots. Uncle Wolf let it slip that you were working for the government, and Redemption isn’t known for being on the right side of the law. It made sense to keep away so you wouldn’t be forced to rat on us.” If I could have shaken sense into all the brothers, I would have a long time ago. Sadly, Aunt Jeannie was right—when the younger members put their heads together, things were bound to go to shit. “And, well, we were a little bitter that you worked for the Feds. Not that we knew exactly what kind of work you did, but still.” He brought the beer up to take a sip and paused. “Don’t call me Ethan. I’m your brother, but I’m not their son anymore.”
His explanation wouldn’t have made sense to anyone who hadn’t grown up in this life, but I had, so I knew he was telling the truth.
Ethan, the big brother who I still sometimes struggled to merge withBoomerang, stared over my shoulder. “Do I have to be nice to him?”
“Be nice to who?” The look he gave me made me giggle. Who knew having a brother could be so much fun?
“Dipshit,” he huffed. “The one who isn’t good enough for you. The guy I explicitly told to stay away from you or I’d make his life hell.” He pointed toward the clubhouse and snorted. “The asshole who’s watching us from the doorway like a creep. He’s a good brother, a great enforcer, but dammit, Payday, I don’t like him for you.”
“Let’s not get too hasty. I’m still deciding if I’m going to keep him around.” I put my chin in my hands, smiling.
He let out a resigned sigh and shook his head. “It’s cute that you think you have a choice.” He leaned close and lowered his voice. “That moron waited for you for years. You can fight all you want, but unless all those feelings you had for him back then went away completely, you’re a goner, kid.”
“Let’s table any discussion on my love life for now, please.” I finally had a chance to get to know the brother I’d always wished for but never thought I’d have. “Unless you want to talk about Chris and why you seem to get angrier whenever she’s around.” His scowl deepened, and I laughed.
We were walking back to the clubhouse when I dared to ask the question lingering in the back of my mind. “Hey, do they ever try to reach out?”
“Once, when I finished law school. I hadn’t spoken to them in years, but they showed up at graduation. I made it clear they weren’t welcome in my life.” My heart ached for him. For me too. Neither of us deserved the hand we’d been dealt as children. But we were both damn lucky for where we’d ended up.
