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I winced and stared up at the dingy ceiling tiles. “Do we have to talk about this?” I asked. “Don’t you have a riveting cold case I can help with or something?” Anything to not talk about the emotions that swirled in my chest every time I thought about Reaper.
“You don’t have to say a word. I know you like him. What I want to know is why you’ve spent the last ten years carrying this grudge around like a security blanket.”
“That’s not fair.” I leaned forward. “He hurt me, Jess. He didn’t just cut me out of his life, he made it so I had nobody. Sure, I met you and the others not long after, but having my foundation ripped out from under me like that…” I squeezed my eyes shut and focused on breathing in through my nose, out through my mouth.
“I get it, Pey. I really do. But he’s older now. More mature. It seems like he knows how badly he messed up and will do anything to fix it.” She tilted her head. “Maybe it’s time you let him. But that means you need to accept that the Reaper you know now is a different man than the one you knew then.”
I told Jessen about how he let me rage that night, let me blame him despite it not being his fault, and how it reminded me of the dynamic between Uncle Wolf and Aunt Jeannie.
“He knows who you are, Peyton. Knows what you need.” She placed her hand over mine and gave me a gentle smile. “Let him in. Stop fighting it so hard. You screwed up big time that night, but we all know that you wouldn’t have gone by yourself. One of the reasons Tyler is so upset—have you made amends with her yet?”
I blanched and shook my head. “Not yet.”
“Oh, well good luck.” I glared at her, unamused. “Anyway. One of the reasons Tyler is so mad is because you went with him. You showed that you trusted him more than you trusted us.”
I opened my mouth, then shut it again when she held up her hand.
“Don’t argue. I’m right. We might have all voted against you, but that was official business. If you had come to any one of us and said you needed to follow up on that woman, we would have helped you. Because we love you. That’s personal. I know you know that. Tyler knows it too.”
“Got any advice on how to fix things with her?”
Her head fell back on a laugh. When she was finished, she looked at me and shook her head. “Sorry. You’re on your own with that one. As for Reaper, when he asks you on a date, say yes. Stop fighting it.”
“But—”
“Stop, Pey. If you let him, Reaper will make you the center of his universe. We all see it. It’s there every time he looks at you. Maybe this was the wake up call you needed to realize that your trust in him isn’t misplaced. Let yourself feel all the big feelings for him. He won’t make the same mistake twice.”
“And you know this how?”
Jessen shrugged. “I can read people. It’s literally my job.” She grabbed the file she’d been looking at when I walked in. “Before you go, will you take a look at this for me? There’s something about the blood splatter pattern that isn’t adding up.”
I glared at the armory door like it owed me money. I’d been trying to nail Tyler down for two days, and every time I thought I had her cornered, she slipped through my fingers like the goddamn ghost she was. I was prepared to lock us both in the armory, and I could only hope it didn’t come to that. I loved Tyler, but I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t save her for last because I was scared to face her.
Might as well get started. I opened the door, then fell back a step when I slammed into Tyler. Her face was annoyingly blank as she retreated into the armory, giving me space to enter.
Clearing my throat, I stepped inside and closed the door behind me. “I’ve thought about how to apologize to you a hundred times. But unlike everyone else, you don’t love anything but guns and shooting people.”
“We shouldn’t even be having this conversation. You knew better, but you did it anyway.” Tyler leaned against the wall, arms and legs crossed, fury radiating from her every pore. “We’re a team. Teams don’t work unless they work together. Unless there’s implicit trust. You broke that trust. You put us all in jeopardy.”
“You’re right.” I nodded, ready to take whatever she needed to dish out.
“Is this something we should expect from here on out? You get a little dick and you follow it wherever it leads?” She could’ve frozen me with her cold tone and nasty words. Except I knew her. Knew all about her hangups with relationships, so her words bounced off me.
The dick isn’t little.My lips twitched, but I knew better than to say that aloud. I exhaled. “No, Ty. One mistake was enough for me. It will never happen again.”
Tyler’s rage was like a physical thing, replacing all the oxygen in the room. “I’m not like the others. I won’t accept your platitudes, gifts, and whatever the fuck else you’ve been using to win over the others.”
No shit. Tyler wasn’t known for her forgiving nature, and I had no idea how to regain her trust. We stayed silent, staring at one another. I didn’t know what to say.I’m sorrywasn’t going to cut it.
“I fucked up, Ty. That’s all I got. If you want to punish me for it, I’ll let you.” Stepping forward, I lifted my chin. “But you know that nobody will ever kick my ass over a mistake harder or longer than I will.” She quirked one eyebrow, as if daring me to continue. And I had no idea what came over me, but I rose to her challenge and let out a humorless laugh. “But if you ever imply that I’m a weak-willed woman being led around by some dick ever again…” Her forehead wrinkled, and the uncharacteristic menace in my tone surprised me too. “I will hack into every fucking device and electronic you use and make your life a living hell. You got me?” As soon as the words left my mouth, I wished I could call them back. But no. Fuck that. Tyler respected strength, and the only way she would trust me again was if I proved that I wouldn’t be jerked around. Not even by her.
She stared at me like a predator eyeing its prey. “You’re lucky Jessen forced me to sit down with her and talk through this shit.” She went silent, and I crossed my arms, waiting. When the corners of her lips twitched, I nearly blew my cover and wept with relief. “And if you hadn’t shown me that you actually have a backbone, this wouldn‘t be over. Nice to see the badass Peyton I know and love. You really should let her out more. Have you figured out who was behind the message board?” she asked.
I blinked at her, my head spinning at the abrupt subject change. Was that it? I’d come in here expecting to take the first step and then spend the next several months letting her torment me. But I was way too smart to look a gift horse in the mouth. Knowing how quickly she could change her mind, I forced myself to focus on her question. “Not yet. I tore apart the message board, trying to trace the post back to its source but found nothing. I had to hit pause on the search while I made my rounds, but now that I’m done apologizing, I can devote my time to finding answers.”
She nodded. “I’ve been thinking about it. I know you want to use computers to find the person who set you up, but I think we should go in the opposite direction. Keep all the alerts you have set up, but he’s going to come to you. Think about how many men we’ve caught because they couldn’t stay away. Snakes always show their faces at some point.”
She wasn’t wrong. Which sucked because I really hated waiting.
