AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Katie’s illness and passing hadn’t been my fault—fuck cancer—but I should have done more, especially after her mother had outright spewed that exact accusation over my wife’s casket. I should have noticed her sickness sooner or at least encouraged her to see a doctor long before she’d made the decision to do so on her own.
Katie had been my world, and I should have taken better care of the one I’d been lucky enough to have by my side.
“Wherever you are, love,” I whispered as I always did, “I hope you find happiness. I hope you find peace. I hope you remember our love as I do.”
What we’d enjoyed had been perfection. A true connection of like-minded souls with vulnerability and honesty. We’d learned how to be self-aware and open to growth.
We’d shared the type of love found only in fairytales.
A lone tear slid down my cheek, but I didn’t bother swiping it away. The feel of it, a mere droplet’s presence, was yet another reminder of my missing half I desperately clung to.
Near the end, I’d promised Katie that I would live, squeeze out every bit of joy I could before I joined her in the afterlife she’d believed in.
But I’d done nothing to keep my word.
I merely existed, going to work, which gave my life purpose, and running myself to exhaustion every day. I attempted to meditate while doing the yoga poses I used to tease my wife about, but at night, I lay in bed, staring through the darkness that matched the vast solitude in my chest.
Heaviness settled over my shoulders, bowing my head as I emptied my lungs with a weighty sigh.
I’d been sitting and stewing for far too long. Pushing up to my feet, I grimaced at the ache in my knees I’d expected and hadn’t done a damned thing to avoid.
“I’m getting too old for this shit,” I told myself what I did every time I sat too long on the ground, wanting to experience a little bit of pain to help me remember her. “That yoga isn’t doing jack for my bones.”
Katie didn’t reply, nor did a breeze sent by her cool the sweat clinging to my overheated skin.
Shower, food, and sleep, I told myself while readying to once more punish my body on the run home.
Then wake up and greet a new classroom full of college students interested in learning about financial accounting, something I was still passionate about.
Turning away from my wife’s grave, I headed back the way I’d come, feeling no better than when I’d arrived. Not that I’d expected anything different. Reminiscing and thinking about the what-ifs rarely helped me rise from the ashes of grief.
I longed for a break in the clouds of my mind. A ray of light to caress my face while peacefulness from having my person at my side welled inside me. Katie used to sit at my feet, sweetly submitting in tender love.
Hands clenched, I focused on the next step, the next stride. My exhausted legs ate up the miles back to a house that was nothing more than a place to exist in my misery from every reminder of her in every room.
But my continued breaths meant that her memory lived on. As long as my heart beat, Katie would remain in the world and in my mind.
It would be enough, seeing as I had no other choice.
My lover was gone, my chance at happiness in my lifetime ripped away from me along with her last exhale.
Chapter 3
Sean
I gave a courtesy knock before letting myself into my parents’ home. Micah had bought it for them a few years earlier, receiving a shit ton of accolades while I’d stood off to the side, ignored as usual. Their side entrance let me into the kitchen where Mom would be getting our Sunday night dinner ready, since it was her turn to host.
Once Micah and Jasmine had married, we’d started flip-flopping our monthly get-togethers between them and our parents. The condo I’d bought was “too far away” for Pop, so I hadn’t been invited to host. Not that I wanted to cook or serve my father’s negative ass anyway.
While the time mostly consisted of sports talk and not much else, I enjoyed picking on my sister-in-law and the fact she was older than me. A mere three months, but still. At least she knew how to relax and just have fun, regardless of my grumpy pop.
Since he’d given up hard liquor, he’d been a little more bearable, but enough damage had been inflicted when I’d been young for me to ever really like the guy. He and Micah got along well, but what else was new? Micah could do no wrong.
I didn’t dislike my big bro for having a better relationship with our father, just envied the praise he got. I’d managed to gain attention, just never in the right way. But as a kid, having my parents’ undivided focus felt good regardless of it bringing consequences.
I was probably ADHD. Definitely hyperactive. In my own little world, Mom had always stated.
But I’d made do. Barely managed to graduate from high school and worked odd jobs throughout my early twenties while still living at home. That failed year of college? I didn’t discuss it except when bragging about being an out-and-proud frat boy. It’d been fun while it lasted.
