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She rested her warm hand on my knee. “I’m so sorry.”
I nearly put my hand over hers. I gave myself a shake, and unfortunately, but thankfully, she removed her hand. “I didn’t mean—what I’m trying to say is that even though they have a better start at life than many, I still feel pressured to provide. To make sure the family company is going strong in case my kids or any future nieces or nephews want to carry on the legacy.”
“The company can’t replace you.” She bumped my shoulder with hers. “And you don’t seem like a bad guy to hang around.”
I shared a smile with her, liking how I could see the lighter flecks of blue in her eyes when I was this close. “There aren’t a lot of people who can give me a solid testimony, and I wouldn’t trust my brothers.”
She giggled. “I was an only child. What’s it like to grow up with siblings?”
I had to think about that. Voices drifted toward us, alerting me to the end of a pleasant, private conversation. “It’s like living with feral animals who stitch in your hot buttons so they can push them all day.”
Her laughter grew. “Sounds...fun?”
“My relationship with my siblings got better when I realized I was their older brother and not their dad.” I didn’t have time to say more. I could’ve sat on the bale with Tova for hours.
Ansen was next to Aggie, his long legs making his walk look like a stroll, while Aggie scurried next to the kids. Grayson was holding a white first aid kit, and Ivy had a can of some carbonated drink that wouldn’t be safe to open for at least ten minutes.
“We brought you water!” Ivy announced.
I rose, ignoring how Aggie tracked my position. Ansen looked from me to his wife as if he knew she didn’t miss how close we were sitting and that I didn’t want either one of them to look too far into it. He caught my gaze and smirked. Fucker. He was like having a fourth brother.
But as I watched my kids dote on Tova and the way she playfully overacted her malady until my kids were giggling and arguing about who got to bandage her, reality hit. I wanted this again. I wanted to be in a relationship one day with someone who loved my kids as much as me. I wanted to stop over at my sister’s place or one of my brothers’ and just...be.
How would that happen if the kids were with Curtis and Lauri Smith? How would I meet anyone and move on from the emptiness Meg left behind?
Would I first have to admit that life wasn’t like this with Meg? It wasn’t light or easy. Underlying tension had been woven through our family unit.
Guilt propelled acid up the back of my throat. And now I wanted something different. How fucked up was that?
What was even more messed up? I could picture it perfectly with Tova, a girl I met barely more than a week ago. A woman whose satiny skin I’d never forget. A dancer who’d be gone from our lives in less than two months and who’d leave us wanting for more than what we did before she showed up.
Six
Tova
Thelma squinted at me over her heavy-on-the-heavy-cream coffee. I was downing a gritty protein shake. I couldn’t blend it as much as I wanted because Thelma hated noise first thing in the morning. She also hated conversation right after she woke up, and she disliked being assaulted by sunshine after she opened her eyes.
I was a morning person like Grandma had been, and it was refreshing to see mornings again after seven years of late-night performances.
I had no idea how Thelma and my grandmother stayed together for so long. They claimed they were friends and roommates, but I’d always suspected they were more. I’d also grown up with a cagey mother when it came to relationships, so I assumed they had their reasons, and I was astute enough to know things would’ve been different for them if their roommate status had ever publicly changed.
I couldn’t have asked for a better mourning partner after Grandma died, though. Thelma didn’t sink into depression. She’d cried, said “fuck” a lot, and then got down to the business of planning the funeral and figuring out how to help Mom since Grandma couldn’t take care of her. Thelma worked with me until I could bring in the money to make long-term care for Mom possible.
“He did what?” she asked.
“He tended to my wounds.” I lifted my skirt and pointed at my toe. My skin tingled at the memory of his big, hot hand on my skin. Strength radiated from his grip, more than I thought it would for a guy who worked in an office all day. He looked strong, and I guess growing up the way he had was the reason, but I knew fuck all about ranching. Yet tofeelstrength? From just a touch?
If I wasn’t sleeping on Thelma’s couch, I would’ve given myself some alone time with a toy or two. Which I didn’t have, thanks to my sudden departure.
Had Frederick tossed all my belongings already? I should tell Thelma the long-term facility had called and why, but I’d rather relive my time in the barn with a certain stern father and not worry her. The line was thin between pretend smoking and lighting up.
Thelma peered harder at my skin. The scratches were almost nothing, really. From the distraught way Grayson acted and how he’d insisted on bandaging me up like a mummy, one would’ve thought the kitten had adamantium blades sticking out of her paw like Wolverine.
A gal learned a lot during a special performance for a Comic Con after-party.
“I know they’re not much. The event itself was more traumatic. Grayson’s having a tough time.”
Her features softened. “I would’ve thought Milk Daddy was a hard-ass.”
