AllFreeNovel
Share Us
We walked through the store and gathered curious looks from people who’d probably lived in Coal Haven forever. We were strangers in a small town.
“Ooh, look at this cute carrier.” She brandished a pink contraption from the shelf. “It’ll look like you’re carrying the cats like a tote bag.”
“Exactly what a man of fashion needs.”
She clutched the carrier. “You know, when I met you, I thought a sense of humor was the last thing you possessed.”
“What was the first thing you thought I possessed?”
“Control.” She said it so quickly, I wasn’t sure it was a good thing. “Do you think you’ll need two carriers? Leashes, collars? Cat treats?” She wandered down the aisle. “Are you sure you’re just fostering?”
The kids thought fostering meantkeep foreverin the same way they interpreted a maybe for a yes. But it couldn’t be. “My in-laws are allergic to cats.” When she cast a questioning gaze toward me, I realized she didn’t know why that mattered. “The kids will be living with them after the summer is over.” The words tasted sour.
She recoiled, shock rippling over her face. “Why?”
I pushed back the dark cloud that entered my mind when I thought of the end of summer. “My work, and school, and daycare were rough this past year.”
“Sure.” Her tone echoed empty, like she didn’t think I was making a good decision.
“Meg and I talked about it when she was sick.” Defensiveness gnawed at my throat. Words gathered to spill over, to tell her that I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t put them through another year like the last, but I couldn’t be that far away from the ranch or the wells. The kids would still be with me for holidays and the summers.
When I’d hire another nanny to watch them.
Fuck. No matter what, I lost, and so did the kids. I’d rather I lost more than they did. They’d have Curtis and Lauri, new friends, and a fresh start. I’d be stabilizing their legacy and giving them what their mother had wanted for them.
The decision was made.
We loaded up on two of everything, and the discussion was left behind. I let her pick sparkly pink collars, a flat glass dish she heard was better for their whiskers, and an automatic waterer. Next were a couple of litter boxes and a longer debate over brands and types of litter until she had me pull out my phone and look up the best options—not on the internet but on some social media app.
“Horse bedding it is,” I said. “We’re definitely in the wrong aisle.”
She swiveled the cart. “The horse section is down farther.”
I followed the sweetly swaying ass under that multicolored fabric. The muscles in her arms flexed. The morning wood I fought back every time I woke up would roar back if I didn’t get my growing and inconvenient obsession with my nanny under control.
When was the last time I fought an erection in public? In a store, for fuck’s sake?
My steps slowed. When was the last time I had fun shopping? Felt so light, damn near carefree? I’d like to say it hadn’t been since Meg got sick, but it was before that. Long before. If ever.
I loved my wife. I missed her. I mourned her. But our marriage...
It’d been fine. We’d been close, compatible, and professional.
I winced. The latter was not a word to describe a marriage. Meg wasn’t warm and gushy. I’d accepted that about her as long as she accepted that I didn’t like to talk about feelings like my lingering resentment toward my irresponsible dead mother or how much pressure Barns had put on me.
I didn’t notice Tova had turned until she backed out of the aisle. “Did I lose you in this vast metropolis?”
My lips twitched despite the heavy mental road I was traveling. “If you’re worried, you can pull up GPS on your phone.”
“Hmm.” She tapped her chin, her gaze sweeping toward the lighter part of the store where the set of sliding doors let more daylight in. “I’ll manage. Like a voyager in the mountains.”
“Okay, California, Lewis and Clark your way through the store.”
She laughed, the sound something I latched on to. “First, I need to make my way through the equine aisle. What is all this stuff?”
Excitement lurched in my chest. I didn’t get out to the ranch as often as I wanted, and my house in Buffalo Gully was on Knight land but close to town. Growing up, I thought I’d be Eliot, running the ranch and spending my days in the elements and under the sun. But Barns had different ideas and all the money for school. I had siblings to think about, so I went to school for business and finance and parked my ass behind a desk for most of my days.
Guilt ate at my chest as I located the horse bedding. Was it “Question My Life Day”?
