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I was content with where I was, all things considered. I wanted to provide for my kids, do my job, and honor my wife. Nothing else fit into my plans. Definitely not Tova.
Seven
Tova
I hauled bags of cat supplies into the house while Cody used his big, manly, nicely flexing muscles to carry in the bigger items like the horse bedding and litter boxes. We’d left the carriers in the pickup so Grayson and Ivy could practice loading and unloading the kittens.
“I can put all this away while you pick up the kids,” I offered.
“Sure. Thanks.”
I set the bags on the kitchen table. Whatever happened to Cody’s mood in the store resulted in a major shift. Was it the discussion of his kids going to live with their grandparents? He was no longer the guy cracking jokes and showing me a level of charm I’d never witnessed.
Only now he wasn’t even Stern Daddy. He brooded. His gaze was dour. When he’d popped on his mirrored sunglasses for the drive from the store to the house, he might as well have built a wall between the driver and passenger seats.
His reasons for sending the kids away were logical and seemed to be centered on Grayson and Ivy’s well-being. But...didn’t he realize how much they loved him? Couldn’t he see how his absence would be like losing another parent?
It wasn’t my place to say. I was just a nanny.
I’d also been that kid shipped away for her own good.
Thanks to the silence on the return trip, I’d gotten a nice view of the rolling green hills and the fields full of corn. Mom couldn’t get more than five plants to grow the one time she’d attempted a garden. So many cows dotted the landscape with smaller calves at their sides. I’d burst at the seams to ask Cody about them, about ranching and what was growing in each field that wasn’t corn, but I minded the wall he’d erected.
I wasn’t begging for a man’s attention. I had experienced enough problems after getting their notice.
“Put the litter boxes in the bathroom, and we’ll close the kittens up in there to make sure they know where to do their business.” And he was back out the door.
Okay, then. I might’ve liked his commanding side earlier, but not now.
The quiet of the house let in the chirps of the birds through the drone of the AC unit. Nothing worked harder and had less effect than that equipment.
I was the AC unit in my life.
My mood sucked, and it was because ofhim.
What was his problem anyway?
What was mine? Would I have to admit to myself that I had enjoyed talking with him? That I liked being alone with him? That I was more comfortable with him than anyone I’d ever met, and I didn’t know him hardly at all?
Yeah. I’d have to confess all that. I’d also have to face my raging crush. He was hot. He was nice, likereallynice, notI want somethingnice. And the way his ass filled out his jeans was a sin. He needed to throw away his loafers because the swagger his boots gave him was everything I didn’t know I needed.
Energy hummed through my veins. While I was active with the kids all day, lessons weren’t the same as concentrating on a set and entertaining a crowded club. Add in the emotions that uptight man made me feel, and I needed to do something, to domore.
All the items were unloaded, and the tags were off. I’d wash the cat dishes later, but I had to move. To dance. It was how I dealt with life.
I loved modern dance, but I didn’t want to think about choreography. I turned on my Frederickton playlist and twisted my hair into a bun on top of my head, securing it with another lock of hair. The hold wouldn’t last long without a tie, but I didn’t care. With the big moves of the arms and legs and the jubilance needed to pull off the dance, the Frederickton was a perfect outlet. The fake wood plank floor was good enough to dance on. I kicked off my sandals and pushed the chairs closer to the table, giving myself a small space.
The Paul Whiteman Orchestra filled the air. I used to dance a set to this song, and it was one of my favorites, but Frederick had pushed me toward modern Frederickton music.
Fuck him.
I held up my skirt and kicked my heels out. This was supposed to be an upbeat, fun song, but rage pumped through my veins and punctuated my movements.
Fuck Frederick. To hell with the way he disregarded me.
Fuck all the men who’d stomped on me and my mom. Especially the one who’d taken the essence of her away from me.
I threw my arms up in practiced moves, matching the steps. I didn’t have to worry about undressing, pausing for effect to unhook an arm strap, or making eye contact with some random audience member. I was free.
