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The truth hit me square in the face. I coughed against the onslaught of emotions clogging my throat.
Ivy gazed at me, sweetly innocent but also attentive. She seemed attuned to my inner turmoil, but what the hell did I know about seven-year-olds? When Grayson was seven, I had Meg. With my siblings...I’d been flying blind, but I was better than Barns. Just like my in-laws were better at balancing this parenting thing than me. At least one of them would be retired by then, and the kids needed the stability.
There’d probably be no dancing. More like practice debates or museum tours, all while wearing polo shirts and khakis. Just what my kids loved...
I didn’t have time to doubt myself today, and the kids were worried about when they could see Tova again. “She’ll be back tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow,” Grayson repeated, looking as forward to her entering our house in the morning as I was.
He’d made so much progress, yet a huge change loomed on the horizon.
I needed to talk to Curtis about getting an appointment made with a counselor so Grayson could talk to someone. The transition might be hard on him. New town. New school. Less of me...
Was I making the right decision?
I restarted the cartoon. When the kids were engrossed, I went into the office, keeping the door open in case they needed me.
I dialed Eliot, but he didn’t answer. He could be legitimately busy but also ignoring me since I hadn’t gotten any further in figuring out how the company could pay for an indoor riding ring.
Instead, I rang Wilder.
“Yeah,” he answered.
“Am I interrupting donut time?”
“Ha ha, fucker.” Wilder hated the cop and donut joke, but it was also ironic that for a guy without much of a sweet tooth, he fucking loved donuts. “How much are you missing me?”
“I dream about you every night.”
“As you should. What’s up?”
I didn’t normally call him if it wasn’t for business. Wilder could act like a giant chip sat on his shoulder, but he wasn’t one to talk. Sutton would back me up on that. “I’m trying to nail down dates for working cattle.”
“You’re coming back for that?”
“Why wouldn’t I?” It’d always been a family affair, no matter how many hired guys the ranch had. Working cattle was one of the highlights of my year. I could shed the suit and watch my kids play in the dirt. Even Meg had looked the other way for ranch weekends.
“The kids. How they doin’?”
I leaned back in my creaky office chair. “They’re good. I found a nanny, and she’s been with us all week.”
“Is that the young girl Aggie told me about?”
“She’s thirty-three.”
Wilder grunted. “Aggie said she was hot.”
I dropped to sit normally. The chair let out a long groan. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“Just wondering if she’s helping you loosen up.”
“Fuck, Wilder. My wife—”
“Cody.” Wilder used his cop voice. Then he sighed. “Jesus, it’s none of my fucking business. But...we were all worried about you after Meg died, and then you want to ship off the kids—”
“I’m not shipping them off. I’m finding the best environment for them to grow up in.”
“Sure.”
