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I let the shower sandblast me in the face while I choked my dick. That damn dream. It’d been tormenting me every morning, but after having Tova in my arms while dancing, I knew her size, how warm she was, and the way her body moved. She’d been fully clothed, nothing but her face, arms, and shoulders showing, but the dream had only grown more vivid, more detailed, and,fuuuuck, more real.
Christ, it was like I had felt every inch of her naked body. Her weight as she rode me, the bounce of her tits, and there’d been no tassels this morning. Nope. My brain happily painted her nipples a vibrant pink that made my mouth water.
The breathy moans. I had no fucking idea what she’d sound like, but my imagination somehow did. My balls tightened as the dream replayed in my head. Lightning laced down my spine, and blistering heat shot through my shaft. Hot jets of cum fired out of my selfish, demanding cock. I squeezed my eyes shut, both against the water and the force of my climax. I’d resisted jacking off when images of a naked Tova were in my head, but my morning wood hadn’t flagged.
“Fuck,” I groaned, gritting my teeth to keep something stupid from happening like Tova’s name tumbling from my lips.
When I was done orgasming, I sagged against the shower wall, letting the water cascade down my body and clean up the mess. I’d have to wipe everything down after I caught my breath.
Feel better, asshole?
No. Because if I recalled any second of that vivid dream, I’d be right back where I started.
There was rapid pounding on the bathroom door. “Daddy? Everything okay?” Ivy’s alarmed voice drifted in.
Shit. Getting time to stroke one out shouldn’t be so hard. Maybe I should shower at night, and that’d help beat the dream back, and I wouldn’t have to worry about the kids hearing. “I’m fine.”
“But I heard growling.”
I let my head fall back. “I was...singing...”
Her dubious “Okay...” was all she said. I got out and toweled off.
The rest of the morning was busy with getting the kids up, having breakfast, and finding a show they could watch when I called Eliot. The duties kept my mind off the morning and almost succeeded at keeping me from drifting back to yesterday and how nice it was to have Tova around. The joy of the dance party. I hadn’t done a spin on a dance floor since...probably my wedding, and it certainly hadn’t been swing. Work, then kids, had filled our lives.
I should’ve tried to get Meg to have more fun, but easygoing hadn’t been her default. She was a different person, and I’d accepted the way she was, just like she accepted that Alcott Knight had a duty to Knight’s Oil Wells and Knight’s Arabians and Cattle Company. She’d been Meg...but I hadn’t been Cody.
Guilt ate at my insides. What I said to Tova yesterday rose in my mind.I shouldn’t feel a lot of what’s inside me right now.
I didn’t regret my marriage, but I shouldn’t already be thinking about what I’d like to have. And I shouldn’t want something so completely different.
“Can we go to the park today?” Ivy asked.
Grayson’s worried gaze slashed with mine. “Is Tova coming over?”
“Maybe for the park—I have to call Uncle Eliot. No for Tova. It’s just us.” I tried to finish brightly, but Grayson’s face crumpled.
“I want to see Tova. I want to dance again.”
You’re not alone with that, G.
I did what I’d seen her do all week. Dropping on the couch next to him, I paused the cartoon on TV, and put my arm around him. “I know. It’s fun when she’s around.”
“I wanted to spend the day in the backyard,” he whined, his big eyes filling with tears.
Ivy bobbed her head. “She’s teaching us a whole dance routine.”
I’d been watching like a perv peeping through a window, only I’d been on the inside looking out, spacing out of phone meetings where I didn’t need to show my face. She worked patiently and diligently with Grayson and Ivy, and the neighborhood kids, demonstrating the footwork with her long, lean legs, and sometimes when she reached into the air, her shirt rode up and I caught sight of her belly.
Only a jackass would compare the view to a striptease, but fuck.
“I can’t wait to see it,” I told the kids. “Even professional dancers need breaks, though. She’ll be back tomorrow.”
“But she’s only here until the end of summer.” He slumped his narrow shoulders. “We’reonly here until the end of summer.”
I worked my jaw back and forth. I wanted what was best for them, but I wasn’t sure what that was anymore. A stable, richer home life with my in-laws seemed like the reasonable choice. Grayson would have a chance to get a better teacher in a school where he wasn’t labeled a problem kid. My hometown was too small to forget his outbursts. I didn’t have a nanny in Buffalo Gully, and when Tova got back on her feet, I wouldn’t have a nanny if I stayed here.
But I didn’t want Tova as just a nanny.
