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“Let’s sit down, relax, and eat.”
He sat but I couldn’t seem to get my muscles to move.
“Do I need to make that an order?”
His tone was playful, but the words worked wonders, and I was able to force myself to sit. I needed him to take control of the conversation, so I fell back on what always worked in the past. “How is your work going?”
I took a bite of a cucumber and enjoyed the light vinaigrette that made the taste of the vegetable pop. This meal reminded me so much of the intimate dinners back in the early days of our relationship. Only, back then, I would have knelt at his feet naked and eaten every bite from his hand. The intimacy of those moments had been heaven. Had he shared that with anyone else in the last year?
My conversational gambit worked because he smiled and proceeded to tell me all about what had happened in the last year. My jealous thoughts and wistful feelings blew away as Cade talked about the promotion he’d been working toward when I left and how he got it, and the second one right on its heels. I could hear the pride and excitement in his voice as he discussed mentoring younger employees.
I kept a smile plastered on my face as inside I crumbled. His life had continued on and he had not only survived but thrived without me. His life has changed so much. He didn’t say it but to me it sounded like without me he’d finally achieved everything he’d ever wanted. I pushed the food around on my plate, unable to even take another bite. If everything was so perfect, did he really want me back?
“I admit”—he stopped eating and took my hand—“I was caught up in the chase. I wanted to prove to myself that I could succeed and rise to the top. But it wasn’t only for me, River. I wanted to be able to provide the life we dreamed of.”
Our dream life was something he had believed in with all of his heart no matter how many times I had told him I didn’t need material things. Designer clothing and an extravagant apartment didn’t make me any happier than a small studio and shopping for bargains. It was his dream, not mine. In the year I’d worked at Rawhide, I hadn’t spent a single dollar on clothing and I hadn’t missed it once.
I slid my hand out from under his. “It sounds like you have done well for yourself.” Silently, I added the wordswithout me.
“How have you been?”
“The people here are nice and I enjoy my job.” He was probably hoping for more but that’s all I could say without breaking down. He didn’t need to know how hard it had been trying to find a way to move forward by myself. How I’d been lost without his constant commands and attention.
Cade had cleaned his plate and although I’d barely managed to swallow a few bites, I couldn’t eat any more. I gathered our plates and silverware back onto the tray. I placed it just outside the door so I could take it when I left. The whole time I wiped down the table, I felt his gaze on me. His expression was shuttered so I couldn’t figure out his thoughts.
I did my best to hide from that gaze, not wanting him to know the chaos of thoughts going through my head. Was he realizing that he was better off without me? Did finding out I was safe here at the Ranch free him from whatever obligations he might have felt or did he still want to try and rekindle things like he’d said back in Master Derek’s office?
I still loved Cade. But if the last two years had taught me anything, it was that love wasn’t enough. I needed him to need me. To put me ahead of work and prove to me that I was important. That I wasn’t just a convenient accessory to his life. Unfortunately, I wasn’t sure he felt the same way.
I turned around to say goodnight and almost tripped over Cade. How could I have not heard him approaching? He steadied me with his hands on my forearms, his body uncomfortably close. The urge to melt into his arms was so strong, I had to force myself to pull away. I didn’t succeed because his grip held me in place. The pull between us was intense, and I thought he was going to kiss me.
I closed my eyes and was startled when his lips landed on my cheek instead of my mouth. “Sleep in, River, enjoy your morning and I will see you for lunch.”
I was an idiot. Not only didn’t he kiss me, but he didn’t want to see me until later in the day. Maybe he was having second thoughts? He released me and I fled from the room, almost sprinting down the hallway to the safety and solitude of my room. I would have to come back later for the tray or, better yet, call someone and ask them to get it. Desire and disappointment danced in my chest causing my heart to pound.
“Sleep in.” I doubted I’d sleep at all.
Chapter 6
Cade
I’d hoped to spend a relaxing morning mentally preparing for my lunch date with River but my pent-up energy made me restless so I decided to explore. As I strolled around the Lodge trying to clear my mind while familiarizing myself with the building, it felt like everyone was staring at me. A discrete look down confirmed my zipper wasn’t undone, and since I had yet to eat, I doubted there was anything on my face.
If the looks I was getting were friendly or inviting, I might have believed they were interested in me for some possible fun. Not that I would have been interested. My paranoia was reaching its peak when a tall muscular man wearing a dark expression approached me in the lobby.
“Hello.” His tone was anything but friendly as he looked down his nose at me.
I used my best professional smile hoping to diffuse whatever was annoying this man. “Hello, I’m Cade.” His arms were crossed so I didn’t bother to reach out my hand. I honestly didn’t want to shake because the man’s biceps looked to be the size ofmy thighs. If he was upset with me for some reason, I wouldn’t give him an excuse to crush my hand. “Can I help you?”
I faced all types of predators in the boardroom and had long ago learned never to show fear. Whatever this man wanted, he would have to do more than scowl at me if he wanted a reaction.
“I’m friends with River. She is well liked by everyone here.”
“That’s good to know.” And it was. River had always been painfully shy when it came to forming friendships.
“If anyone were to hurt her, I would be very upset.”
The barely veiled threat had anger flushing my skin. Did people here think I was a monster? I’d never physically harmed River. I never would and the insinuation hurt.
