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He chuckled. “You know this place. Very few secrets stay that way for long.”
“True.” I sighed. “I think I’m okay. I’m still reeling from everything that has happened. I’m almost convinced that in a little while, I’ll wake up and find out this was just an odd dream.”
“Well, we’re here if you need someone to listen. You know you’re one of the family and we have each other’s backs.”
Even after all the time I’d worked at Rawhide, I still had trouble believing these people considered me a part of them. Mike’s words settled my stomach even more.
Mike winked at me “I gave you extra cucumbers on your salad and added a couple of Angel’s chocolate creations for dessert.”
A wave of color flushed up my neck. Having someone say they were your friend was one thing, that he remembered what I liked meant something more. “Thanks, Sir.”
To avoid further embarrassment or getting drawn into a conversation I wasn’t ready for, I grabbed the tray and hurried from the kitchen. Did the staff think less of me for yelling at and striking my former Master? I didn’t think so but maybe they were just better than me at hiding those things.
What would I do if I’d lost their trust? Would they think I’d hidden violent tendencies? My thoughts spiraled as I tried to anticipate the worst possible outcomes. What would they say to me later? Tears gathered in my eyes, threatening to fall down my cheeks.
I was a disappointment.
By the time I reached Cade’s room, my stomach swirled with anxiety, killing my appetite completely. Maybe waiting to talk with him was a better plan. I could get some sleep and harden up my heart.
The long day was dragging me down. There was no way I had the energy to express what I needed coherently. I would just drop off his dinner and take mine back to my room. If I placed his tray on the ground, knocked and hurried away, then I would have done my duty without having to face him.
Before I could put my plan into action, the door to the room swung open and Cade smiled down at me.
“I thought I heard you out here.” He gestured for me to enter. “Why didn’t you just come in?”
Because I was planning to run away again.
It took all my willpower to walk past him carrying the tray. I tried to hide my embarrassment but knew my face was a bright pink. I focused on arranging the food on the small table in the room.
“It’s not my room, Master Cade. With room service, most guests want the food left outside the door. I was trying to decide what to do.”
It wasn’t a lie. It also wasn’t the complete truth. I just hadn’t listed off everything I had been considering. He didn’t need to know it wasn’t the decision to knock or not that had me frozen in place.
“I can tell you’re upset. Will you tell me why?”
Why did he have to give me a choice? It would have been so much easier if he’d ordered me to tell him what was wrong. How messed up was it that I preferred not having a choice? But damn it, I longed for the simplicity of a caring Master.
“Sorry, Sir. I just have a lot of questions.”
“Like what?”
Was he serious? “Like where we stand? How am I supposed to address you? What do you want me to do? How do you want me to act? It’s all just so confusing.” The words poured out of me in a rush followed quickly by tears that I had to blink hard to keep from falling faster.
I turned away from him to hide my emotions and finished arranging the food on the table. When he still hadn’t spoken, I stood with my head bowed next to the chair and waited for him to tell me what to do.
“River. I…”
His hesitation was almost worse than if he’d yelled.
“How about for tonight, or until we come to terms, you just be you. No protocols. No expectations.”
He wanted me to be me. I almost snorted. Did he not remember that the me I was before him was a painfully shy introvert who barely talked without a stutter? That what gave me strength and courage was knowing the protocols. I’d adapted to the looser rules of Rawhide Ranch but that had led to the mess earlier. On the inside, I missed the security his rules had given me. Well, when webothhad followed them.
“I’ll do my best, Sir… Cade.”
“Good girl.”
Even that little bit of praise soaked into my soul.
