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Carrie sighed. “I know it’s not my place, and we both know I’m not a Domme so I can’t order you to do anything, but you have to eat, River. You’re going to need your strength. Even if it’s just a little bit.”
I wanted to tell her to leave me alone and mind her own business. Starving myself had never helped but my body often forgot that and made it almost impossible to swallow. I would have to try if I didn’t want Catherine or Master Derek to step in. They would not be happy if I slid backward, regardless of why.
“You’re right. Let’s go to breakfast, I’ll make sure I get something down, even if it’s just a muffin. I need to shower and change into my uniform. How about we meet in the cafeteria in forty-five minutes?”
“Okay, I could meet you there”—she hesitated—“or I can wait and we can go down together?”
She was sweet and clearly worried. I wasn’t going to try and pretend the idea of ditching her and curling into my bed hadn’t crossed my mind. However, hovering and treating me like I was a delicate piece of china wouldn’t help. I needed some space and the walk down alone would do me good. “I’ll be okay, but thank you for the offer. See you in forty-five.”
After being in Carrie’s room, my room was a stark reminder that I had been stuck in limbo for way too long. Why had I never made it more comfortable? I would never want the riot of color she and her roommate used, but the austere and plain items that had come with the room weren’t me either.
I stood in front of the mirror and sighed. Puffy eyes looked gaunt in my blotchy complexion. The emotional turmoil had already taken a toll on me, and I wasn’t sure if my usual makeup would hide the effects of a night spent crying.
I wasn’t in a good place. I straightened my shoulders and took a deep breath. I could fake it till I was ready to move on. I would get through this. I was stronger than I’d been the first time I’d left Cade. I had friends and a support network. With them at my back, I could overcome anything.
With my new resolve, I decided to hop into the shower and go through my full routine. Looking good even if it was just to spend the day cleaning and restocking the rooms was something I enjoyed. I would curl my hair and do a full face of makeup to cover the effects of a bad night. My goal was to make sure everyone believed I was doing fine. Regardless of how I felt inside.
With my armor in place, I forced a smile onto my face and headed downstairs to join Carrie for breakfast.
The sight of her talking to Andy was the first blow to my newfound determination. Did Cade leave without him? The urge to run over and ask was strong but I resisted, forcing myself tostand still. I couldn’t be mad at my friend for finding happiness even if it was with my ex’s best friend.
He took her hand and kissed the back of it before walking out of the cafeteria. It looked like Andy was as interested as she was. When Carrie finally stopped watching him walk away, I approached her table.
She looked up at me with a smile. “Wow, you look good.”
“Thanks.”
“Sit”—she hopped to her feet—“I’ll get you coffee and a muffin.”
Before I could protest, Carrie scampered off to grab the items. With nothing to do, I sat down to wait for her and tried to ignore the concerned glances I was getting from a few people in the room. How many people knew what had happened? How could they know? Did Cade tell someone before he left?
“Here you go.” Carrie startled me out of my worries by placing a tray in front of me. There was coffee and a muffin but she’d also added a donut and a fruit bowl.
“Thanks. I saw you talking with Andy, so how is that going?” What I really wanted to know was had Andy said anything about Cade, but I couldn’t get myself to ask.
Carrie blushed. “Really great, actually. He’s uh, great and we get along well.”
Andy was a Dom who hadn’t had much luck as far as I knew. It was like he was two people and women couldn’t accept both parts of him. In everyday life, he was laid back and almost sweet, but I’d seen several of his scenes and they were intense. If Carrie was able to accept both parts of him, I’d be happy for them. Despite Carrie’s cheery personality, I hadn’t seen her connect with another Dom in the many months she’d been here.
“I’m glad you’re having fun.” I tried to hide the envy I was feeling but apparently failed.
“Aww, I’m sorry, River. But I just know things are going to work out. I feel it in here.” She thumped her fist over her heart.
Had Andy told her something? Would she tell me if I asked? It had been less than twenty-four hours since we’d moved from casual friends to ones who shared our feelings so she might not want to betray his confidence. It couldn’t hurt to ask right?
I was about to ask her when Master Derek entered the room. He had a scowl on his face as he walked toward us.
Crap! Had he heard already?
“How are you lovely ladies today?” His scowl switched to a smile which I found odd. My shoulders relaxed since his first question wasn’t about Cade, or him leaving early or coming back despite what I’d said. Was it possible that he left without telling anyone and they thought he was still here?
“We’re good.”
Carrie’s cheerful answer helped me not have to do more than smile and nod in agreement.
“River, I see you’re in your uniform. Does that mean you’re willing to work today?”
Could he really not know what happened? It would take more courage than I had in that moment to ask.
