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‘I’m not just anyone else though, am I? I’m her daughter. I need to know when she’s unwell.’
‘Have there been any recent changes to her medication?’ the paramedic asks me. And to my shame, I can’t answer. I no longerknow every aspect of her life like I once did. Instead, Paul rattles off a list of what she takes while I feel utterly helpless, watching as they locate a vein in a pencil-thin arm and sedate her with a syringe. Ten long minutes later and she’s finally calm.
‘What are all these people doing here, Bill?’ she asks Paul.
‘He isn’t Dad,’ I say quietly.
‘They’re here to help you,’ Paul says as he kneels down by her side. ‘You’ve had a funny turn.’
‘Another one?’ she asks.
‘Yes, but for this one we needed a little help. You’re okay now.’
He cups her face with his hands and draws it towards him. He plants a kiss on her lips and I’m too fixated by the car crash to look away. Eventually, I look to the paramedics to gauge their reaction but they aren’t acknowledging it. I suppose they must’ve seen it all in their job.
‘I’m staying here tonight,’ I say firmly.
‘Not necessary,’ Paul replies and shakes his head.
‘She’s my mum and I know what’s best for her. I have a change of clothes upstairs and my toiletries are in the box room.’
‘Oh, were they yours?’ he asks. ‘Sorry, we threw them away when we were having a clear-out. I assumed they were junk.’
‘Then I’ll bring some new ones over.’
She finally turns to me. ‘It’s not necessary, Meredith,’ she says. ‘I just need to sleep.’
That name again. Who is Meredith?
‘See, she’s fine,’ Paul adds.
‘A few minutes ago she was hurling abuse at you all,’ I remind him. ‘She is not fine. She doesn’t even know who I am. Are you taking her to hospital?’
‘We’d rather not add to her confusion by taking her out of her home, so only if we have to.’
‘Then I’ll wait here until you make a decision.’
‘Stop smothering me!’ she says suddenly. I think she meant to shout it, but she’s stymied by the drugs.
Paul offers me a fake sympathetic look. ‘Probably best you do as you’re told,’ he says. ‘You don’t want to make her any more agitated, do you?’
I have no choice but to leave, defeated.
I reach home and know there will be no more sleep for me. Just anger. Absolute, undiluted anger.
CHAPTER 23
CONNIE
I’ve been dreading today more than anyone can possibly know. If I had any choice in the matter, I’d stay. But I really don’t. My suitcase is packed and waiting for me in the hallway. I’ve booked a taxi to pick me up this afternoon and drop me at the coach station. And all the time I keep asking myself, what kind of person am I to leave her like this? Especially only a week after her episode. The paramedics didn’t take her to hospital but her doctor did visit the next day. Neither he nor Paul would tell me what was said.
I have told Paul in no uncertain terms that I’ll be coming over to visit her this morning and not to make any plans. Only, now I’m at the door, he informs me through his camera that she is asleep upstairs and that it’s probably best I don’t disturb her.
‘If you don’t let me in right now, you’ll spend the rest of the day clearing up every window I have smashed to get in there,’ I warn him.
He must be watching me, because when I pick up a large stone from the rockery and raise it above my head, he appears at the door and allows me inside. I’m tempted to put the stone to good use and beat him around the head with it.
I do a double take when I reach the top of the stairs and notice that while her bedroom door is open, he has fixed a padlock to it. ‘She wanders a lot at night,’ Paul says casually, as if locking a pensioner in her own room is normal. ‘It’s to make sure she doesn’t hurt herself.’
