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It doesn’t take too long at all for Jesse to arrive. Maybe talking this out with him isn’t the best of ideas. Sometimes, his arrogant and controlling demeanor doesn’t always help me, but Alex is too compassionate. Dylan’s only just been brought on board, and Xavier is too liable to ignore my desire to communicate with words rather than with lips and hands.
In my candle-lit living room, Jesse takes a seat next to me on the couch. “Talk, huh?” His piercing gaze studies my face. "Nessa, you look like you've been wrestling with demons. What's on your mind?"
I hesitate for a moment, grappling with the vulnerability of laying bare my doubts. "Jesse, the pursuit of power comes with its own set of challenges. The alliances we've formed, the decisions we've made… they're all cast in shadows of uncertainty."
His dark eyes narrow slightly, a characteristic intensity that defines him. "You've always been a fighter, Vanessa. What's eating at you?"
Leaning forward, I release a heavy breath. "It's the consequences, Jesse. The consequences of the ruthless path I've chosen. The tangled emotions, the power plays—it's a constant struggle."
Jesse's features remain stoic, yet a flicker of understanding surfaces. "Power is a tricky thing, but you can't let it control you. You control it. What do you need, Vanessa?"
His assertiveness clashes with the doubts that plague me. "I need clarity, Jesse, clarity on where this path is leading us, on the alliances we've forged. I can't afford to second-guess every move."
He smirks, an arrogant edge softening into a hint of assurance. "Trust your instincts, Vanessa.” He pats my hand, but it’s not because he’s trying to romance me. “I came back for you. I’m here for you. Whatever you need. Do you doubt someone you’ve brought on?”
“I don’t know if I played my cards right with Cass or with Ivy.”
His expression darkens. “Has either of them fucked up again?”
“Not yet, no, but… I know things about Cass’s past… about Ivy’s current situation…”
“Cards you kept to your breast that you wonder that you should’ve played?”
“I would rather lead from a position of respect,” I say slowly, “but if I have to be ruthless, I will.”
“Then you play those cards if you have to. Don’t doubt yourself. You might not ever have to play those cards, but if you do need to, you have them. If you played them too early, you would have nothing on them now. You were right.”
I hand him my wine glass.
“I usually prefer harder stuff,” he says.
“My mind is usually clearer with wine.”
“No more whiskey?”
“Oh, I still enjoy whiskey.”
He sips my wine, and I lay my head on his shoulder. As I inhale deeply, I find solace in the notion that, despite his domineering demeanor, he offers a steadfast pillar of support amidst the uncertainties that shroud the empire we're building.
CHAPTER 25
The morning light filters through the curtains, casting a soft glow over the room. I invited Alex over, but I haven’t made it out of the bedroom to even make coffee yet.
Alex sits on the edge of my bed, where I’m still lying down, his gaze filled with a mix of curiosity and concern. "Vanessa, you seem distant. Is everything all right?"
I take a moment and slowly sit up. "Alex, our journey has been marked by twists and turns. I appreciate your sweetness, the way you've pushed me forward, but I can't ignore the intricacies that entwine us."
He reaches out and gently cups my face. "Vanessa, you can talk to me. Tell me anything. I won’t judge you."
A conflicted smile tugs at my lips. "It's not that simple, Alex. You're the caring force that propels me, yet there's a deeper complexity. A desire to navigate treacherous waters and a willingness to explore the shadows that I don’t think you… also feel."
His expression shifts, a mix of understanding and uncertainty. "Vanessa, what are you trying to say?"
Taking a deep breath, I lay bare my inner turmoil. "Alex, you represent the light in my life, the tender warmth, but there are shadows within me, shadows that crave something darker, something unpredictable."
His eyes search mine for comprehension. "Are you saying you want more, something different?"
I nod, the vulnerability of the moment hanging in the air. "Yes, Alex. I need to explore the intricacies, not just the sweetness. Can you accept that, knowing it might lead us down unexpected paths?"
