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My face is blank as I stare at Mackenzie. “It’s fucking cold out here. You’ll get sick.”
“What the hell is wrong with you, Chase? Why are you acting like this?” She blinks rapidly, but I see the moisture in her eyes, knowing she’s fighting back tears. I fucking hate hurting her, but it’s a necessary evil right now.
“Kenz, we need to talk. Let’s go inside.”
“Mackenzie Dawn,” Pearl screams, drawing my attention. “What the hell are you doing? Didn’t I tell you to stay away fromhim?”
Mackenzie scowls, whirling to face her mother. My mouth drops when she gives her the middle finger before turning back to me. “Ignore her. She’s being a bitch.” Rolling her eyes, she crosses her arms over her chest, but not before I see her shiver. “I don’t know that we’ll have privacy inside with her on the warpath.”
“Mackenzie.” Pearl is over the shock of Mackenzie flipping her the middle finger. Now she’s angry. She stomps outside, glaring at me before her irritated scowl moves to her daughter. “How dare you?—”
“No,” she roars, her fury palpable. “I’m tired of beating a dead horse, Mother. We’ve been fighting nonstop since yesterday?—”
“Kenz.” My hand gently wraps around her arm. There’s a quiver in my voice, so I turn my head away, gathering my strength, before I look down at her again. “I don’t want to cause problems with your family. Especially not this close to Christmas.”
Mackenzie’s eyes soften, but I see the underlying fear in their depths. I hate it but Pearl’s eyes drilling into me draws my attention. Her mouth hangs open in shock.
“I love your daughter, Pearl. I know you don’t approve, but it doesn’t change the way I feel for her. Nothing ever could or would make me stop loving her.” My gaze drops to Mackenzie. “Please, angel, let’s go inside and talk. I need to pack a few things and go to Jeff’s house.”
Fat tears slide down her cheeks as she winds her hand with mine. I let her, squeezing it while looking into her amber eyes, knowing I’m conveying how hard this is for me.
She nods and we head toward the front door. My gaze briefly locks with Pearl’s before I step around her and continue inside.
“Let’s go to your room so we can talk and you can pack.” Mackenzie’s lip quivers, her voice trembling. Her eyes drop to the floor before she looks up at me, flashing a tight smile.
“Sounds good.”
I feel Pearl’s presence behind us, but I don’t turn around or look at her. Instead, I continue upstairs, never releasing Mackenzie’s hand until she settles onto my bed, one leg hanging over the edge of the mattress while her other leg is bent, her foot resting against the outside of her knee.
Right away I notice the condition of my bed. Judging from the placement and rumpled covers, she slept in my bed, holding my pillow against her body.
Fuck me. This is going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. “Did you sleep in my bed last night?”
She looks at the pillow, biting her lip. “I missed you so fucking much, Chase. It’s the only thing that helped with the pain. I thought… I lost you.” Bloodshot, tearful amber eyes meet mine and fuck, her misery and agony are so palpable it nearly brings me to my knees.
My resolve is slipping. “Angel….”
“Please, Chase, don’t do what I think you’re going to do. Don’t make decisions for me and play the martyr. I’m an adult, and while I know how much you love me and that you’d do anything to make my life better, this isn’t it. Leaving me…” she lowers her head, the sob that comes out shredding my soul. “It’s not what I want.”
I sit beside her on the bed, so close I’m touching her. It’s instinctive. I can’t get enough of her. Never have, never will.
“I hear what you’re saying, Kenz.” My fingers tuck a strand of hair that’s fallen from her bun behind her ear. Her eyes meet mine and fuck, I wanna kiss all her sorrow away until she’s smiling and laughing, all her worries and troubles disappearing.
Swallowing hard, I say, “Let me tell you about one of the worst Christmas Days of my life. Then, we’ll talk.”
She nods, her attention riveted on me. I launch into it, the memory that assaulted me while I was in jail so vivid.
As I’m talking, I feel her hand sliding over my thigh, her fingers wrapping around mine. The pain I’m feeling echoes in her sobs and tears, indicating she’s so connected, so much a part of me, shefeelsmy agony and sorrow. Just like I feel hers.
When I’m finished, I raise our joined hands to my lips, kissing her fingers. “Now you know why I’m acting the way I am. My feelings for you are as strong as ever, Kenz. I fucking love you with all of me. But… I hate to put a strain on you and your family, especially around the holidays. I’m not trying to make the decision for you, but I don’t want you to resent me for the dissension between you and your mom.” My voice is raspy, agony splintering my internal organs when I add, “I think we should take a break and then reevaluate things?—”
“No, Chase.” Mackenzie shakes her head, her tears falling like rain. “Don’t you fucking dare.” Yanking her hand away from mine, she jumps to her feet. “I understand why you feel the way you do. Why you told me the story of that wretched Christmas, which, I’d still like to throttle your father for all the pain he’s caused you. But this… you’re taking the decision away from me. I can see it in your eyes. You’ve already made up your mind?—”
A strangled sob comes from her, gutting me. “Kenz, please.”
She holds up a hand, her eyes on the floor as she struggles for composure. Exhaling a breath, fire is in her eyes as she stalks closer.
When she stands toe to toe with me, her eyes burning with passion, she jabs her finger into my chest. “If you think I’m giving up on you and on us that easily, you’re out of your goddamn mind, Chase Landon. It’s taken me too fucking long to admit my feelings for you, but now that I have, I’m here to tell you that every damn day, they grow stronger. Just when I think I can’t possibly love you more, you smile at me, and I fall even harder. There are a million little things you do every day that make me love you even more. So don’t fucking stand here and try to take my choices away.” She flattens her hand against my chest, her other one joins it. Sliding her hands over my chest, continuing until they are behind my neck.
