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“No, Val. You don’t owe me anything, especially not your happiness. You really think it’ll be easy to hide it like it’s nothing? Trust me, I know how hard it is to hide your love from someone you love with your whole heart.”
“Exactly. You did it for me, it’s only fair I do it for you,” she answers.
She’s doing all this for me. Because I like her. Because I didn’t go behind her back and hurt her, because I did something any decent person would do if they were in my place. She’s throwing everything away because of me, and I had no idea. I thought I was protecting her, but I was always behind her, unable to see what was happening. I always am, unable to see the truth. Always behind her, always letting her get hurt. Always hurting myself.
The tightness in my chest doesn’t go away, and only increases. “You can’t do that for me,” I tell her. “Val, you have a chance with him. I never had that with you, and I never will.” She and I will never work. We don’t have the time to, we never will.
She just shakes her head. “I can’t. It’s not fair. Not to you, not to him. I’ve hurt you enough, what do you think I’ll do to him?” she answers, almost whispering. I swallow my words. She’s blaming herself. She’s scared of herself. She thinks she’s unable to love properly, that she hurts people by just being there. Whatever I say, she’ll turn it against herself. She’ll blame herself. That’s what she does. She blames herself. In her head, everything is her fault. From the day she was born until now, everything was her fault.
Nothing is, though. I wish she could see that. I wish she could let herself be happy, without the guilt or the stress or the blame. Without thinking about everyone else. But she’s been told she’s the problem too many times to believe that she isn’t anymore. Too many times that it’s hard for people to convince her otherwise.
“All this for me? Because I helped you out once or twice?” I ask.
She drops her head, another tear dripping down her cheek. “Yes. Because that one or two times are the only reason I’m alive today. I can’t mess up, not with you. I can’t mess up anymore. I don’t want to.” Her voice breaks slightly, causing my chest to ache. I shouldn’t have said anything. I shouldn’t have told anyone know that I love her. It should’ve been a secret to take with me to the grave. It’s ruined everything. It’s hurt her. I’ve hurt her.
I didn’t want this to happen. I didn’t want to come and ruin everything. I just wanted this trip. With her. To see her. That’s all I wanted, and I’ve ruined it. I’ve ruined the trip, I’ve ruined the event, and I’ve ruined Val’s one chance at love. She had another chance and, goddamn it, I ruined it.
She turns around, without a word, and heads back to the hotel. I don’t follow her. I just stand there, staring at her walk away. I take a deep breath, my eyesight blurring a little. Everything is messed up, and I have a week to fix it all. How am I going to do that?
Chapter 76 – Nove
Elias
The first day of the year. January 1, 2025. Although it’s a special day, I wake up like any other. However, Lorenzo is sitting on his bed when I do. He didn’t come back to the room last night, at least not before five in the morning. I don’t know where he went, but he disappeared. And now, he’s here.
“You’re here. You didn’t come back last night,” I point out, buttoning the end of my sleeves. He doesn’t answer, just looks down at his phone. He’s ignoring me now, more than before. Before, he would have argued about how it’s none of my business or something. Now, he doesn’t even bother looking. “Lorenzo?”
“What?” he finally answers, looking up at me. His tone is rough.
I drop my hands to my side. “What’s wrong with you today?” I ask him. Something is definitely wrong, he isn’t acting the same. Not to me, at least. He doesn’t answer, looking down. Not on his phone this time. Just at his fingers. “Lorenzo,” I call out again.
“What, Elias? I really don’t feel like talking today,” he lashes out, raising his head.
“Oh, sorry. I apologize for asking where you were at five in the morning,” I answer back. He sighs, shaking his head weakly. What’s wrong with him? “What is going on with you today?” I ask him again.
“Nothing, I’m fine,” he answers.
“Mm-hmm, that’s obvious.” My reply is sarcastic.
He flings his head toward me, his jaw clenched. “Oh my God, Elias, what do you want from me?”
“I want to know if you’re okay, because you don’t seem like you are.”
“Why the hell would you care?” His brows furrow, narrowing his eyes. What does he mean, why would I care?
“Because you’re my friend, Lorenzo. Remember?”
He drops his head back but continues to talk. “I blamed you for something horrible. You shouldn’t even consider me a friend anymore.”
I stop, realizing what he just said. Blamed. He said blamed. Which means he doesn’t think I did it anymore. “You believe me? You don’t think I did anything anymore?” I ask, surprised.
“Yes, I believe you. God, I was blind to not see it from the start,” he replies.
A fire sparks in my chest, my eyes widening slightly. “That I didn’t hurt her? Was it that hard?”
“Yes, it was, okay? It was hard, because there wasn’t anyone to prove it!” he shouts.
Hard. It was hard to believe his friend didn’t do something he had no proof of? Something that even the other person said didn’t happen. “How about me being your friend? Wasn’t that enough proof?”
