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“No, it wasn’t. Because you're Elias Miller, nothing would’ve been enough to prove you didn’t hurt her,” he says, and there’s a sharp shock in my chest.Because you're Elias Miller.
My heart beats rapidly in my chest, and I feel like exploding at him right now. He’s talking without thinking. “So, this is all about me, because I am apparently a horrible person? None of this is about you being jealous and attacking me because of it.”
He jumps up, standing. “Of course I was jealous, Elias. How could I not be? I’ve known her for five years; you’ve only known her for two months. Do you even know how long it took for her to trust me? One year. One full year, and that was because she didn’t have a choice. It took her two months to trust you, less, even. You think that’s fair? She has gone through so much shit, and I was there to help her with it. I did so much for her, just so that could have some semblance of a peaceful life, and suddenly you come, and she loves you.
“She hated you, goddamn it. You don’t know the shit Roland pulled with her, she never even wanted to see you. Yet she fell in love with you, before you even did anything. Do you know how much that hurts?” Lorenzo breathes heavily, as if his confession has taken all the breath out of him. A wave of emotions become visible in his features. His eyes are red-rimmed. His mouth is frowning. He has blue shadows under his eyes. “But I can’t tell her that because I know she’s already thought it through a thousand times.”
I freeze for a second. Some kind of sympathy enters my heart, but the anger is still there. “So, what, you blame me of forcing her, just because you didn’t get it your way?”
“No. I blamed you because you’re Roland’s son. And I know how unfair that is, because I know that a child should never be judged by their father, but I couldn’t risk it. And I might be the asshole, but I’d rather be that than risk her getting hurt. Especially now.” His voice quiets down slowly. Roland’s son. This is about him. Of course it is. Because I’m my father’s son, and God knows what he’s done.
“Why now?”
He straightens his body, a sense of sadness flashing over his face. The tension in his body fades slightly, but he’s still upset. “Because I’m leaving in a week. After that, I am useless to her, I couldn’t leave her knowing she might be hurt.”
“Why is leaving suddenly a big deal, you’ll see her again. You’ll talk to her.”
“No, Elias, I won’t. This is my last time.”
What? What does he mean by that? His last time? He’s not proving anything. “Your last time visiting LA? She can still visit you. You can still talk.”
“No, I can’t.”
I look at him, confused. His eyes glass over, tears brimming. He’s crying. Lorenzo’s crying. Worry puts my stomach in knots. I’ve never seen Lorenzo cry. He’s unable to speak for a while, which only builds the worry in my stomach. “I have cancer.”
I freeze. Everything stops, and the place goes silent. My heart drops in my chest, and cold shudders spread in my body. “Wh-what?”
“I was diagnosed around a year ago, with pancreatic cancer. After some tests, the doctors said I had three to five months left to live.” He stops for a second, sniffling as he tries to get the words out. “That was four months ago.” His voice breaks. I’m unable to move or talk. My expression drops, and I take a sharp breath in.
Lorenzo’s dying.
“I came to visit one last time. That’s why it was so sudden. After this, I’m gone. I know I messed up, but my head isn’t in a good place right now, and I just wanted to make sure she was okay before I left. I wasn’t thinking properly. And if I hadn’t spoken to Val today, I would’ve left still mad at you. I would’ve died and never made it up with you,” he cries, the tears spilling down his face. My chest is heavier. He’s dying.
He drops onto the bed, his hands immediately covering his face. I open my mouth to say something but can’t. I can’t believe it. Instead, I walk toward his bed and sit next to him. He turns to me, tears falling down his cheeks. He closes his eyes, and another cold shudder is sent through my body. I lean closer and hug him. He drops his head into my shoulder, crying into it.
I want to comfort him. To say it’ll be okay, everything will be all right. But I can’t. It won’t be okay, no matter if I say it or not. He knows that.
He’s dying. He’s leaving, and he isn’t coming back.
Chapter 77 – Otto
Val
My computer screen mocks me, the empty document in front of me shining in the small light coming from the screen. I barely get any light from my place here, in the corner of the dining room. It’s almost midnight, everyone is asleep except me. I’m working. Trying to, at least. The more I work, the more distracted I am. If only I were actually working.
I don’t feel like doing anything. My mind won’t let me, it’s stuck in a loop. It keeps reminding me of how dumb I am, and how many stupid decisions I’ve made. In this week. In this month. In this year, and all my other years. I always make stupid decisions, and I always ruin people’s lives with them. It’s out of my control now, like it’s a part of me. Making mistakes and ruining people’s lives.
The sound of water streaming springs me back to reality, and I look up to the source. The tap in the kitchen is turned on, the water hitting the surface. Elias is standing at the counter,drinking from a glass. He’s never asleep at this hour, I’ve noticed the last couple of days. Every day, near midnight, he comes to the kitchen. Sometimes for water, sometimes for a snack. Sometimes just to sit down. He doesn’t interact with me either way. I always try to hide myself so he doesn’t see me. If I don’t move, or make any sound, maybe he won’t know I’m here.
I drop my eyes back to the laptop, waiting for him to leave so I can try and resume working. Maybe I’ll actually do something once he leaves.
Not much later, his footsteps get farther and farther, until they disappear. I look up again to confirm that he’s gone. Okay, now I need to work. I need to get my mind off everything. However, my fingers only hover over the keyboard, never pressing a letter. Never touching the mousepad. The document stays clean and white.
I sigh, closing the laptop and leaning my head back on the wall. Ten days. There’s ten days left, and then everything’s done. Everything will go back to normal, and I’ll go back to work. That’s how my life should be. Work. It’s the one thing I’m be good at. Whenever I try anything else, things shatter into pieces.
A few minutes later, the footsteps return. I look up to see Elias is here again, but he’s holding a paper bag. He doesn’t walk to the kitchen this time. Instead, he continues toward the dining room, closer to me. It doesn’t take me long to realize he’s heading toward me. He saw me. He walks around the table and kneels down next to me.
I twist my head toward him.
