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“Hey. I’m going to take Ellie home and check on my mom, then I’ll come over. Is that okay?” I ask. He looks up at me, and I can see how tense he is. If this is hard on anyone, it’s him.
He nods his head. “Of course. Come over when you can,” he replies. I look into his eyes, and notice how exhausted they look. How tired. I’ve never seen him cry. Once, maybe, a few years ago, but not like he has the past few days. It hurts. Because the one time he needs help, I can’t help him.
“Don’t leave before I get there,” I ask him.
Don’t run away, no matter how hard it will be. Don’t let this be the end. Let there be one more time.
He gives me a soft smile. “I won’t. I promise,” he says. I step forward and wrap my arms around his neck, keeping them there for a minute. I don’t want to let go. It’s just another step to letting him go for good and I don’t want to. No matter how much I try, I can’t. I can’t accept that he’s dying. That I’ll never see his face again and never hear his voice. But I release him, because it’s the only choice I have. No matter how much I cry, or how much I hug him, or how long he’s with me. He’s leaving. I have tolet him go now, because I’ll have to let him go tonight. That one will be so much harder.
“I’ll see you in a bit.” I tell him, turning around and walking away. One more time. I’m going to see him again.One more time.
When Ellie and I arrive home, we get out of the car, leaving the luggage but taking our bags. I knock on the back door, waiting for someone to open. The door eventually creaks open, revealing my mom. Ellie doesn’t give a second thought before she runs to hug her. Mom laughs, hugging her back as she looks down at her. “Hey Ellie.”
“I missed you,” Ellie tells her.
“I missed you too, baby,” Mom replies. I enter, closing the door behind me, taking off my shoes and jacket and putting them all away.
Ellie eventually lets go of mom and pulls back to look at her. “It was so much fun,” she exclaims, jumping. She’s so happy. At any other time, I would’ve smiled at how happy she is. But I can’t. It’s hard to smile right now.
“I’m sure it was. You can tell me all about it tonight, but right now you should go put your bags in your room,” Mom tells her. Ellie jumps again, then grabs her bag and runs off to her room. When she’s gone, Mom turns to me. Her expression shifts, the smile wiped off her face. She knows, too. I know she does. Nothing gets past her.
“I’m so sorry, flower,” she says. I walk toward her until she catches me, and my hands lock around her. My head lays on her shoulder.
She doesn’t say anything. Neither of us do for a minute. I just let the tears stream, and let myself be comforted by her.
By the only comfort that could weigh more than Lorenzo’s, but even now it doesn’t feel enough. “What if I hadn’t been there? He got so busy and distracted with my problems, what if he hadn’t? He would’ve been diagnosed earlier. He would’ve had more time to heal. He—”
“No,” my mom interrupts. “Don’t you dare, Vi. I won’t let you blame yourself for this. Not for the one thing no one can control.”
I feel my eyes burn, a sharp pain entering my heart. It feels like hell. Like hell, and back. I sink my teeth into my bottom lip. “I lost him. I lost him again. Both of them. I lost Adam again,” I cry, my voice breaking with every word. Her grip tightens around me. “How could I lose them both? Why can no one stay?” My tears fall onto her shoulder and my face is numb. Everything hurts. It’s as if I’ve been shot in the heart, and everywhere else in my body.
“I’m here, flower. I’m not leaving you. Never,” my mom promises me.
I bury my face into her shirt.I don’t want him to go. I don’t want him to go. I don’t want him to go. I can’t lose him. I need him. Why can’t life, just this once, let me keep him. Why can’t it leave me alone?
I’d do anything. I’d love him a million times, if it meant he got to live. If it meant he got to stay with me. As long as no one takes him away from me. I need him. My best friend, my other half. My soulmate. He is my soulmate.
He was.
The wind is cold as I walk toward the front door of Pierre Russo’s mansion. My eyes trail over the windows, to the front door, then the huge set of stairs. I spot Lorenzo sitting outside, looking at the sky in awe. His last night in Los Angeles, and our last night together. Our last.
I take a deep breath. It’s going to be okay. I need to do this. I take slow steps toward him, as if taking my time to get to him might give us more time together.
“Hey,” I greet him as I sit on the step next to him. He lowers his head to look at me. “Sorry I took long.”
“It’s okay. I’m not leaving for another four hours,” he replies. Four hours. That’s all we have left. Four hours, and then he’s in the airport, on the plane back to Portland.
“I’m sorry your visit didn’t go as planned,” I say.
He smiles sadly. “It did. It went exactly how I planned it to. I was with you.” His eyes are bloodshot, but his smile still shines brightly on his face.
The heaviness in my chest feels too much. I can’t take it anymore, and it feels like it’s going to kill me. Him leaving is going to kill me. “Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve stopped everything for you.”
“I know. That’s why I didn’t tell you. Because I wanted this trip to be like any other. I didn’t want anything to change between us. I wanted to have one last time with you, and you were happy. That’s all I wanted,” he confesses.
My eyes still burn. From the last couple of days. From all the tears that fell.
He raises his hand to my face, his thumb stroking underneath my ear. “It took so long to convince my mom to let me come, you know. She was so scared and worried; she didn’t want me to leave her side. But I couldn’t stay there. I couldn’t leave without seeing you. I might’ve been able to live without seeing my dad or Elias, but not you. Not without seeing yourface one more time. Not before seeing you happy again, because I knew it would break you.
