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“And I’m glad I came, because these last two months have been the best two months since I was diagnosed. Even with all the problems and chaos, there was you. It didn’t matter what was happening, because I was with you. All I had to do was see you smile and everything faded away. I’d forget why I was even here. Because you’re my happiness, Violet. Ogni sua parte.”Every part of it.
A thousand knives go through my chest. My face is numb again, and every part of my body feels drained from blood and oxygen. My heart wants to give in. It wants to stop because it can’t take this anymore. It can’t take any more pain. Even my tears have dried out, I can’t cry anymore. It’s too much.
“What am I going to do without you?”
“You’re going to move on. You don’t need me. This won’t change anything, because you’re going to continue to live your life, without me.”
“But I don’t want to,” I cry, my voice soft.
“I know,” Lorenzo whispers back. My throat clogs up, and it feels harder to breath, like the air refuses to enter my body. “You’re going to get through this, I know you will. You always do.”
I know I will, but I don’t want to. I don’t want to have to go through that pain again. It’ll be so hard. I don’t want to go back to that phase of my life, not without him.
I move closer and lean into his side, threading my fingers into his. My eyes burn with every tear. Why does this have to happen? I don’t want this to happen. His lips press onto the top of my head. I don’t want to have to let go.
We sit there, staring at the sky, the stars sparkling in the black night. Thoughts keep running through my head; it hurts.My mind is moving too fast, too much. He’ll be there soon, in the sky. And every time I look, I’ll remember him. Every time.
“Vi,” he finally says, springing me out of my thoughts.
“Yeah?”
He sits up straight, forcing me to do the same. His eyes stare into mine, and he takes a deep breath. “I want to ask you for something.” Anything. I will do anything. I wait for his response, but when it comes, it’s not what I expect. “I want you to go to Elias.”
“What?”
“I know you’re doing this for me, staying away from him, but I don’t want this for you. I don’t want to have to stop you too, especially when I’m not here.”
“No. No, Lorenzo, I can’t do that to you. Especially not now.”
“Val, please. It doesn’t have to be right now, but I want you to go to him. I want you to stop keeping him at arm’s length. I know no one can replace anyone, but I want someone to be there for you. He loves you, I know he’ll be there for you.”
I shake my head repeatedly. “No. No, I won’t. I can’t Lorenzo.”
“Vi, I love you. But that doesn’t mean I want you to stop living your life. It means I want you to be happy. If you love him, you shouldn’t throw that away.”
I don’t say anything, I’m just shaking my head. No. I won’t do it. I can’t do it. It would be a horrible thing to do. I’d feel like I was betraying Lorenzo and I don’t want to do that.
“Vi, owe me this,” he begs, and all my thoughts and denial cease. The words sink into my head, into my body.
“No. No, Lorenzo, please don’t say that.”
“Let this be my last wish,” he pleads.
No. My eyes fill with tears again, even though I told myself I wouldn’t cry anymore. I told myself I’d stay strong, but it all dissolves.
“Let me die knowing I didn’t leave you hurting,” he whispers.
I sniff, my face hurting. “You’re going to use that on me? You last wish?” I ask.
A smile appears on his face again. “Always. Because you’re my everything, fiore mio. You’re my shooting star.”
My eyesight blurs as the words run through my head. He’s leaving. He’s leaving everyone he knows. His life is being cut short, and he’s still thinking about me. After everything he’s going through, everything that’s going to happen to him, he’s thinking about me.
“You’re crazy,” I tell him, because I mean it. I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve him, and now the world sees that, so they’re taking him away.
“For you,” he answers, proudly.
I place my arms around him tightly. “You haven’t woken me up yet. It’s almost the end, I should be waking up. You should be walking me up,” I weep, holding onto him. Like he might slip away. I can already feel him slowly slipping away.
