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“It’s not nothing to Lorenzo. He’s worried about you, do you know why?” he shares. I raise my head instantly and look at him. Is Lorenzo okay? Of course he isn’t okay. I hurt him. He’s hurt, because of me.
“Is he okay?” I ask him, finally facing him now. He looks just as plain as usual. His brown themed outfit matches his light brown hair and his brown eyes. I focus on his eyes, waiting for an answer.
“Are you?” he counters it. I swallow the words, trying to hold myself together. I will not let myself fall apart. Not here. Not in school. Not in front of him.
“If you’re here for an answer, tell him I’m fine. You’ve got it, now you can leave,” I tell him, almost choking on the words.
“But I’d be lying, wouldn’t I?”
My eyes burn. He would be lying. Even Lorenzo would know. Who am I trying to fool? I’m lying to myself. I don’t want to not be fine. I don’t want to be hurt. I don’t deserve to be hurt. I have no reason to be. So, why the hell am I?
“Then tell him I’m not. Do whatever you want,” I mutter, staring straight ahead of me again. The lockers blur slightly;they are blue, because we’re on the third floor. The design is the same as ours: exact width, the lines separating them all perfectly straight.
“Violet, I know you can’t stand me. I know you’d rather have anyone here but me, but I want to help you. I’m trying to help you.” The words come out in a low voice.
“You’re only here because Lorenzo told you to be.”
“Yes, I’m here because Lorenzo asked me to, but I’m also here because you don’t look okay. You’re his friend. If he cares about you, so do I. And you can tell everyone that there’s nothing wrong, but you and I know that there is,” he states.
A sharp pain hits my heart, my chest tightening.And you can tell everyone that there’s nothing wrong, but you know that there is. I’mwrong. Nothing is wrong but me. All this is happening because of me. Because I can’t turn my damn head off. I pull my legs closer to me.
“I don’t care what you do, just leave,” I demand, my voice breaking at the end. He doesn’t say anything. The hallways go silent. I don’t look at him. My eyes are fixated on the wall of lockers facing me. I focus on the dividers, the lines, the small scratches and dust.
“Okay. I’ll leave. Just, if you need anything, remember it’s okay to ask me,” he tells me quietly. He doesn’t get up immediately. He waits. What is he waiting for? Leave. Please, leave. His shoes push down on the ground, and he gets up, taking slow steps away. He’s not gone yet, but I feel all the emotions I’ve tried to keep hidden surface. Tears rush to my eyes, despite my efforts to fight them back. This is all my fault.
His footsteps get louder again until they stop, and suddenly I feel an arm surround me. The arm pulls me closer, caressing my shoulder. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s going to be okay.” Elias’s voice whispers. And, like nothing I thought I’d ever do, I let him stay. I let him sit next to me and pull me closer to his side. And I cry.I cry because it feels like the only thing I can do right now. The one thing I feel able to do.
Elias Miller sees me cry, and I let him.
Chapter 20 – Sessantacinque
Val
One more day of school, then a two-day break. A break I’ll get to actually rest in. A break where I won’t have to talk to anyone. A break that I need. I do feel better today. Sleep helped a lot, as well as my mom. She’s my healer. I don’t think I would get through anything without her.
I need to talk with Lorenzo, but I don’t know if I can yet. I don’t know if he’ll accept the fact that I don’t have the same feelings as him. I don’t think I’ll accept it. It’s not fair to him. He’s done so much for me, and he’s earned my trust. He deserves to like someone who likes him back. He deserves to have a friend who can return everything he did for them.
I go to school on time to avoid anyone. I hate that I broke down in front of Elias. I would’ve done everything to stop it if I could. I don’t want to have to see him either now. I walk to class on the second floor and enter the room. Half the class isseated down, the other half still walking in. I take my seat next to Aurora, who notices my arrival.
“Violet. Hi!” She greets in hesitation. I fix myself on the chair and turn my head to her.
“Hey Aurora,” I greet back with a smile.
“How are you? I didn’t see you much yesterday, where were you?” she asks with a hint of concern in her eyes.
“I just wasn’t feeling great. I’m feeling better today though,” I assure her. Yesterday, I looked dead. I already knew it. But I know as long as I look dead, I won’t make any progress in getting better. So, today I tried to look more lifelike. I wore a tight black-and-white striped dress that stops just mid-thigh, black tights, and a black jeans-jacket. Until I fix everything and feel better, I can at least look like everything’s okay and stop people worrying about me for no reason. I shouldn’t even be hurt. Lorenzo is, and he has every right to be.
“Elias told me. Sick?” she mentions, and my chest tightens. A cold shudder enters my body. Of course he did. Because he saw me. How could I let myself show anything in front of him?
“Not really. It’s complicated,” I tell her, raising my hands from my lap to the table.
“Well, at least you’re feeling better. If you need anything, you can ask me,” she offers.
“Thanks,” I say, before turning back to the front. The teacher stands at the board and begins the lesson. I take a deep breath and tell myself to just act okay. Be okay.
The classes go by in the slowest way possible, but eventually they finish. Lunch time comes, and I have no idea what to do. I get up and grab my bag, and Aurora follows after me as we leave class. It’s not like I have anyone else to talk to, anyway.
“So, I actually wanted to ask you,” Aurora says as we walk down the hallway. “Yesterday, Lorenzo looked pretty upset. I mean, seriously upset. I’ve never seen him like that before. Iknow you’re his best friend, so I wanted to ask if you know what’s wrong.”
