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“Okay, you know how my dad wanted to go to med school?”
“Sure. You told me that. That’s why he was so into you becoming a doctor, like he never did. Didn’t he pay for your entire education?”
“Every penny. And he—he supported me in other ways, too. With life advice, I guess you could say.”
“What kind of life advice?”
“He didn’t want me to make the same mistakes he made.”
She straightens up, so she’s no longer resting against me. When she shifts so she can face me, I note her big, green eyes, fringed in all those dark lashes, behind her glasses. Her bangs fall across her face when she tilts her head.
She pulls her knees up to her chin, hugs them, and studies me. “What kind of mistakes?”
“He didn’t want me to fall in love too young. Like he did, with my mom.”
Her eyebrows knit together. “What are you saying, Nick?”
“I’m saying…”
Oh, boy.
Here I go.
“I’m saying… I was afraid of how it felt to be with you, Maddison. Back in college. It was so intense… And it scared the daylights out of me. And I sort of freaked out. My dad warned me not to let it happen. He said if I fell in love, I’d never get to become a doctor. He said I should focus on med school and only start a serious relationship later in life.”
“And that’s… wait—” She gives her head a little shake, like she’s trying to clear it. “Wait, wait… you’re saying…?”
She knows what I’m saying.
But she’s going to make me put all the words together.
“I’m saying I was falling in love with you, back in college.”
Tears prickle her eyes. She reaches up and swipes at one lower lid, then the other.
I lean forward and grab tissues. “I’m not making the roller coaster slow down, am I?” I hand her some. “You probably wanted to come over here and learn the difference between meiosis and mitosis, so you’d be bored enough to go home and get some sleep.”
A laugh sneaks out of her as she wipes her eyes. “You were falling in love with me? Really?”
I nod.
She pats her eyes. “I thought—” She laughs again, thin and wry. “I thought you hated that kiss. I figured Tracey had more to offer. Remember those little miniskirts she wore?”
I grunt. “Ha. I bet most of the guys in our graduating class remember those miniskirts.”
“Tracey Donovan was cute. And nice, and silly, and she adored you. I was jealous of you guys.”
“Yeah, well you shouldn’t have been. I only asked her out because I knew it’d keep me from pursuing you.”
“You’re kidding me.”
“Tonight, I’m going more for the sad truth.”
She lowers the tissue. “Why is it sad?”
“Because, Maddison. I hurt you. I thought I was doing the right thing. But I ended up hurting you. You just said you cried.”
My mind starts to spin out, a chorus of what-ifs.
