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Maddison
“And here’s where the nuggets are stashed,” I tell Roxie as I open the pantry. “He gets three scoops in the morning, three at night. Pansy left money in the cookie jar over the fridge that you can use when you need to buy more.”
Roxie sighs. She wanders to the kitchen table and flops down into one of the chairs. “Are you sure about this?”
It’s like she’s not even listening to the instructions I’m giving her.
It’s Friday, late morning, and I’m due at the Burlington airport in a few hours. I’m grateful to Roxie for agreeing to take over dog- and house-sitting duties, but I’m nervous about the transition, too.
Outlaw and I, we’ve bonded.
He trusts me, and now I’m leaving him.
“Maybe I should write all this down,” I tell Roxie.
“No, no, I get it,” she mumbles, as she eyes my rolling suitcase over by the kitchen door. “Food’s in the cupboard, put it in the bowl, blah, blah.”
Outlaw, who is seated in the corner of the room, eyes the two of us warily and whines. Apparently, he doesn’t like my sister’s casual approach to meal times.
Roxie doesn’t seem to pick up on his concern. “We’ll be fine.”
“He’s a handful, Roxie. I’ll at least write down some of the terms he understands.” I grab a star-and-moon-adorned notepad from a shelf and flip to a blank page. “If you say ‘go lie down’ he won’t budge. Pansy taught him ‘beddy-bye,’ though, so you mention that and he goes right over to his bed. Here, I’ll make you a list of phrases he knows.”
I start writing.
After a minute, she sighs heavily again, clearly frustrated. “Have you talked to him?”
“All the time. He likes it when you talk to him. He sometimes talks back.” I glance over at Outlaw. “Right, big guy?”
He wags his tail, gives a happywoof, and trots to my side.
When he plops down beside me, I pet his head. “He loves it when you pet his head. Or his belly, or back. Anywhere, really.”
My sister crosses her arms over her chest. “No, Maddie. I meanNick. When was the last time you talked to him, about you leaving?”
“We’ve—ah, um… We’ve talked plenty. I saw him last night.”
I can’t tell Roxie the truth: that Nick and I have barely hung out since I saw him and Hana kayaking under that perfectly peaceful sunset, up at Stillwell Pond.
He was busy at the clinic for so much of this week, and I’ve been swamped with paperwork that Clint Callamaro keeps sending my way.
Plus, getting things lined up for my arrival was time consuming, too. I’ve spent so many hours on my laptop or on the phone.
And—yes—I’ve been pretty busy avoiding Nick. Ducking under windowsills when he drives up. Taking Outlaw in andout through the back door only. Dodging encounters… because… ouch. All I can think when I see him is that he’s going to be better off once I’m gone.
When I finally went over to his place last night, it was to say a formal goodbye. I couldn’t leave town without at least doing that. I gave him a hug. But I wrapped my arms around him carefully, keeping his relationship with Hana in mind. I do not want to get in the way of Nick’s happiness.
Even if I love him, it doesn’t matter now.
The last thing I want to do is mess up his life.
Once I get to California, things will settle down for me and Nick. We’ll be friends, like we talked about. I don’t doubt that.
I need to walk away from Nick without messing up that nice, soft ground we finally landed on when I spent the night over at his house.
That’s a foundation for friendship.
This other stuff…? My longing, my weird spikes of attraction, my desire for him and jealousy of him and Hana…? All this isnotgood for a friendship, so I am better off denying it than indulging in it.
