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Chapter one
Escape
Holy shit, I’m doing this. Am I doing this? Yes, I am doing this!Looking at myself in the mirror, I can feel my heart pounding. My breathing’s unsteady; it’s like I’m going to have another panic attack. Placing my hands on either side of the sink to steady myself, I take a few deep breaths to calm my nerves.Get a grip! Anything is better than this. No matter where you end up, it will be better than this! My whole body shakes with fear and excitement about what my future may hold from the moment I step out of this door, about finding out who I am without a man in my life. No man will ever hurt me like this again. It’s time to be me, I just need to figure out who that is.
It’s been eight months since I realised who I had become at the hands of a man, who I wholeheartedly thought loved me, seven months, three weeks and six days since I made my list. The list that will change my life, and that has already changed it for the better.
Okay, it’s time.Carefully standing up straight, I take one last look in the mirror. The marks on my face are still visible, even though I’ve tried to cover them with makeup.
Collecting my last few things from the bathroom, I add them to the single small suitcase on the bed. I’m not taking much, it all holds bad memories for me now. Some of the worst moments of my life were in this house, my family home. Most of my stuff was bought by him to apologise for the many ways in which he has been a dick over the last few years, and that’s putting it nicely, he was always making me feel like I wasn’t good enough but at the same time making me feel loved and that he could not live without me. My head is a mess, but I know what I need to do. Closing my suitcase, I sit on the bed and put my pumps on, brushing my fingers across the bruising showing on my legs. My hands are still shaking and in all honesty, I’m a little sweaty. Being nervous always makes me sweaty, and this is one of the most nerve-racking moments of my life so far. I’m sure there will be many more, but today is day one.
The taxi’s on its way. They said it would be fifteen minutes. Everything has been planned down to the last detail, so I can leave without him being around. He has no idea what I am up to, or at least I hope he doesn’t.
Making my way downstairs, suitcase in one hand, phone in the other. My mind slips back to thinking over the last eight months and how I have had to keep so much to myself. It’s been so hard, no one knows. I have friends at work, but even they have been won over by him, and I know that if I told them, or even hinted about leaving him, then it would get back to him, or they would try to make me stay. So I kept quiet, made my plans and kept them secret, hid everything at work to start with but a few months into my plan I found Andrea going through my desk to find something, she was the biggest gossip going, and had a real crush on him, would tell him everything I did. She asked me what the file was for, and all I could say was that one of the new recruits was looking for a place to go on holiday. I said it looked like a great mini-break and asked for details. When in fact, it wasa property listed for rent in North Wales, with details of the area and any jobs I thought might be worth looking into. It was so off the cuff that she believed it. I didn’t know I could lie so easily. So from that moment on, I had to think outside of the box, and that box ended up being a locker in the gym. Not very exciting, I know but I’d only just joined, and he was happy I was looking after myself for him… I never took anything back home. I knew what it would mean for me.
This morning had gone to plan so far, Glen (that’s his name by the way) had left for work at seven am as usual with no clue that when he arrived home later, there would be a letter waiting for him, and me well away from here.
This was the debate I had had many times in my head. Do I tell him face to face on the day I leave and brave what I knew would come, and risk him persuading me to stay, or worse? Or do I do it the weak way and just go? Well, I opted for the weak way. I’m too much of a wimp to tell him to his face, and I know for sure that if I told him to his face that I would never leave, he would find some way to make me stay. So I wrote him a letter, very British of me I know, but what else could I do? I couldn’t just leave without saying anything, he would think I had gone missing and contact the police, send out a search party, put it all over Social Media that I was missing and that would just make me feel guilty, wasting police time and all that. So this was the one way I could have my say, tell him what a dick he really is and I hope he rots in hell.
As soon as he had gone, I checked the train times, booked my taxi, and told them there would be three stops; where I work, I needed to hand in my resignation, then off to the gym to collect all my things, some new clothes, my list and some money. It was like moving in slow motion, it’s only been an hour since he left, but it feels like it’s been three. I’m so scared he will come back. But I know he is working in Manchester today, so that gives meplenty of time, all day in fact, but I want to be gone well before he gets back. He is a creature of habit you see; he will finish work at five, then go to the pub for a few before he comes home, where he will be expecting me to be cooking dinner. Well, that’s not going to happen;takeaway for one tonight,I chuckle to myself.
Packing my things was easy, and getting ready was easy; it’s just the thought of leaving that makes me want to panic, but I know I need to do this for my own safety and to try and live a normal life.
I hear the familiar “beep, beep” of the taxi, which pulls me from my thoughts. I watch it as it pulls up outside the house. Walking to the kitchen, I place the letter on the side by the kettle, propping it up, knowing he will see it there first. I grab my suitcase and take one last look at what I have called home for the last four years with that man, and a lifetime of memories from my family home.This is it, time to put things into action. Taking a deep breath, I close the door behind me.
Chapter two
Meeting You
All this started with a dream I had about eight months ago. I woke in the middle of the night, all hot with heavy breathing, like it was the real thing happening all over again. It was bliss, pure heaven, just thinking about it now – the way his hands felt on my skin, the way they made me tremble with the slightest touch, to relive what we did was turning me on. It was just one afternoon, but it was the best single afternoon I have ever had. It had been six years since that afternoon of pure indulgence but the dreams kept coming. I could feel every touch, making me want him all over again.
I had been on holiday with friends in Ibiza, living my best life, dancing, drinking, laughing and having the best time. Charlie was my best friend at the time and we were there for her hen night. It was actually her third bachelorette party or rather just an excuse to go away for a week before the wedding to top up our tans, and look magnificent for the wedding day, a week after we got back. I was so wrapped up in being the Maid of Honour, loving organising and planning everything with her, and makingsure all of the plans were kept, and that Charlie was having a great time.
It was the last night and we decided to go all out and do a theme night. The two other girls were Charlie’s friends from work, Anne and Clara. We hit it off immediately and decided to dress up in superhero costumes for the night. To my surprise, Anne was Thor. I had never laughed so much when she walked out of the room with that costume on. I actually laughed so much that I almost wet myself. She was a tall, beautiful, blond solicitor and the costume just hung off her, fake muscles and everything, it was so funny. We, on the other hand, went with the slightly more sexy versions of the characters. Clara was Superwoman, and the costume clung to her fabulous curves; Charlie went with Batwoman making those long legs look even longer, and I decided that Wonder Woman was probably the best fit for me. I was the shortest of them all, with a few more curves than the others, but in the right places. I loved my figure. We took so many photos before we went out, having a few pre-drink drinks to get in the mood for the amazing night ahead. One of the best parts was that people wanted photos with us, and we were happy to oblige. We created scenes and posed – it was hilarious. We hit the bars and then headed to the clubs.
“Charlie! I’ll get some drinks,” I said, pointing to the bar since I knew she couldn’t hear me over the DJ. I weaved my way through the crowd and decided to head to the loo first, as the queue for the bar was massive.
Leaning against the wall, I unlocked my phone and started looking at a few of the images we had taken before we left, feeling a little more than tipsy and really needing a wee now. I continued to scroll, giggling at our faces and some of the positions we had posed in, trying to be superheroes, when this hand landed on my waist, and a man stood in front of me.
“Now that’s what I’m talking about,” I heard.
I looked up from my phone to see a pair of dark eyes looking over me, like he wanted to fuck me there and then. I could smell the booze on him.
“Erm, excuse me?” I said, trying to move away from his hand on my waist. But instead, he put both his hands on me, almost pinning me to the wall. I tried to move but the force of his hand on me kept me stuck.
“You know you want it, and I’m going to give it to you,” I froze for a split second as his face came towards mine, trying to figure out how to handle him…and what I thought was about to happen. “I don’t think so, get off me!” I screamed, ducking my head and shoving my hands against his chest, in some sort of attempt to move him so I could get away.
“Don’t be like that sweetheart, I just want to give you what you want,” his face was so close to mine, I could smell the whisky on his breath, his skin sweaty. I moved my head to the side, but I couldn’t move. Pushing him again, I managed to knock him off balance. I made a break for it, ducking under his arm, but he grabbed me just as I broke away from him. “Let go of me!” I said, trying to pull my arm free, “I don’t think so love, you’re all mine,” he sneered at me with a god-awful smile on his face as he pulled me back. “Oww, let go of me!” I shouted. As I was struggling to escape, I lost my balance while pulling away from him and fell back against the wall, hitting my head on it with a thud. That’s the last thing I remember before I collapsed and it all went dark.
Shit that hurt,I thought, opening my eyes and putting my hand on the back of my head where it was sore. It was all too fuzzy but I could feel his hands on me again, trying to pull me up.
“Fuck off, let go of me…” I shouted, attempting to get away from him.
“It’s okay,” I heard another man’s voice instead, “he’s been dealt with, and won’t be bothering you again.”
Looking up, I saw the softest, brightest blue eyes I had ever seen. It was like looking into crystal clear waters, they took my breath away. For the first time in my life, I was speechless.
“Are you okay? I saw it happen from across the room, and came over to help.” His hands were gentle on my arm, lifting me slowly. “Did he hurt you in any way?” his eyes were full of concern, taking a look at me to see if I was okay.
