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“I’m Phil, your Landlord. We’re just taking the furniture out of your way, we won’t be long, just getting the last few pieces out for you.”What the hell…
“What do you mean? I thought it came furnished?” I look around and there is nothing left. The sofa has gone, no table, and they are just dismantling what looked to be the bed,fuck.I want to cry. Why is this happening to me?! I can feel my composure sliding, but the look on his face says he doesn’t care. They push past me to get the bed out of the room, and they start heading down the stairs.
“No, only part furnished, which means you get the kitchen stuff and washing machine, come on lads, let’s leave her to it,” he says, laughing to himself.
“But…what am I supposed to do..?” It falls on deaf ears and they leave, carrying away the last bit of hope I had of getting a good night’s sleep. I walk in and close the door behind me. It’s empty, I have nothing. I sit on the floor, I put my head in my hands and just cry. I can’t hold it back anymore, it’s all too much.
An hour later, I pick myself up off the floor and take a look around. It takes me all of two minutes. It’s a studio apartment, so the kitchen, living room and bedroom are all in the same room, with a small shower-room to the side. It’s more like a bedsit really. And it needs a really good clean. I have three hours left until my shift starts, so I’ll clean. At least it will be better when I come back later. I’ll have to see if I can buy something to sleep on tomorrow.
Two hours later, after a trip to the shop to get some cleaning things, it’s all done. I’m exhausted – the feeling runs deep into my bones, like an ache I just can’t get rid of. There’s no time to sleep now though, not that I have anywhere to sleep, but on the positive side I have a roof over my head, and a place I can call home for a while. Just the smell of the place makes me feel better.
I head to the shower to wash the cleaning smell off me and fully enjoy the feeling of the water running over me, losing myself for just a few minutes. How I have missed this! It’s only been five days, but this is heaven. I wash my hair, pull on some jeans and a shirt and flick the kettle on to make coffee before I go to work.
The walk to Brasserie only takes me fifteen minutes, which means no having to spend money on taxis. The coffee didn’t help much, I’m still struggling to keep my eyes open. I carry on anyway, knowing that when I get home, I can fall into a blissful sleep on the mock bed I have made out of a duvet and my pillow. I have a feeling that as soon as my head hits them, I’ll be out cold. The temperature has dropped this evening, I can barely feel my fingers as I walk into the pub to start my shift. Mike greets me with a big smile, “You okay love? You look tired!” Great, that’s all I need, someone telling me I look as bad as I feel.
“Thanks Mike,” I say, shaking my head at him. “I’m okay. It was a moving day today, so just a little tired from it, that’s all.”
“Okay sweet, if that’s all it is, then okay. Make sure you grab a coffee before you start, that will warm and wake you up a bit. You all get to meet the new boss tonight, he’ll be here about 8ish.”
“Oh, I thought you owned it?” I ask him
“Used to, finalised the sale a few days ago. I’m staying on as manager though, just a little less responsibility for me.” he looks really pleased. That settled the uneasy feeling I had a little. Whoknows what a new boss would do, last in, first out and all that? Maybe I should keep my eyes open for a new job anyway, just in case this new boss doesn’t like me.
“He’s a good guy you know, hard when it comes to business, but a good guy.” He must have read my mind. “Well known around here too,” he added for good measure.
I nod at him and start cleaning the tables and tidying up for the busy Friday night ahead. The next few hours pass quickly. I’m just in the kitchen helping prep when I hear Mike call us all out to the bar to meet the new boss.
I can hear him start introducing people just as I’m washing my hands. There are a lot of happy voices, they must all know him well.
“Where is she?” I hear Mike say just outside the door. I’m the last one to come out and be introduced.
“Just coming, sorry, I needed to wash my hands,” I say as I walk out the door, head down, drying my hands on my jeans.
“Jack, this is Emilie,” I freeze instantly, not really wanting to look up but I have to; I know it’s him. When I do, I can feel my face going red already, heating at the sight of him. God damn it, he is everywhere!
“We have actually already met Mike, nice to see you again Millie.” There’s that smile as he reaches out, taking my hand into his. I instantly regret letting him, as he closes his fingers around my small hand, engulfing them with his warm touch. The spark of his hands on mine runs up my arm and I pull away, shaking my hand and moving it behind me, like it’s burned me. I can see him staring at me, I move to the back of the room, behind the other staff so I’m not as close to him. I can’t do this. The way my body reacts to him, it’s embarrassing… He’s engaged to one of the only people I kind of know here, well I don’t know her yet, but I’d like to.
Keeping his eyes on me, he addresses the rest of the staff as I try to hide. Pressing down the feelings as best I can, but not having much luck.
“I know many of you already know who I am, but some of you don’t. I’m Jack. Mike and I have come to an agreement about what’s going to happen here. Mike will be staying on as manager, with me in the background, taking some of the responsibility off of Mike. You will see me around from time to time but Mike is still your go to person. Do you have any questions?”
Most people shake their heads, some ask if anything will change, and he answers them all while I sneak away back to the kitchen, pressing myself against the wall, and covering my face with my hands. All I want to do is leave, but I know I can’t run from everything. I also can’t afford to now that I need to buy furniture. So I busy myself with work, and try to carry on like nothing has happened. I can’t face questions right now, not about me, or what I’ve been up to. I have nothing against him, I just need… who knows, I just want to hide and let this night pass like it never happened. I know it sounds stupid, but I’ve not processed what happened to me yet. I’ve been in autopilot for so long that I need to catch my breath, and heal.
“Millie?” I hear him say beside me, startling me. I must’ve been so deep in thought I didn’t hear him come into the kitchen.
“Jack,” I flinch when he gets closer to me and touches my arm. It still hurts from what that bastard Glen did to me, and I just don’t like being touched anymore.
He moves his hand away, looking and frowning at me.
“Are you okay, Millie?” I can see him eyeing me, checking me out, looking to figure out what’s wrong with me. He won’t guess, no one ever does, I’ve kept it well enough hidden for the last three years. Nothing will change now, only that there will never be anything else to cover up again.
“Um…Yes, I’m fine, how are you?” I say, taking a step away from him. He looks confused, “I’m sorry boss, I need to get back to work, I can’t have you thinking I’m a slacker.”
“I’d never think that, and don’t call me boss, I don’t like it,” he says, shaking his head at me.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you,” I can feel the panic rising. I know it’s not him, but I can’t shake the same feeling of panic, knowing what used to happen when I said the wrong thing. My head instantly drops and my eyes close as I try to calm myself down and slow my breathing.
“Why would you upset me?” he asks, looking even more confused, tilting his head to the side slightly. “I just wanted to say we are having a drink to celebrate me being the new owner, if you want to join us, the drinks are on me. Well one drink as you’re all at work,” he says with a smile.
