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It’s six o’clock when I head back to the suite and get changed, looking forward to taking my mind off Millie for a while and getting a few beers down my neck while we talk wedding plans, or while Em talks wedding plans and we listen. I had planned on asking Millie to come to dinner tonight but I figured that’s notgoing to happen now. It would have been good to spend some time with her tonight, without the pressure.
I go downstairs, and just as I’m about to call a taxi to take me to Em and Dan’s house, I spot her. She sees me and almost runs for the office. Her red hair trailing behind her.Why would she do that?Walking over, or rather stomping, I open the door. I was a little pissed off she was MIA all day. But that soon disappears when I see her.
“Hi.” That’s all she has to say, hiding behind her desk.
“You have been avoiding me all day, I’ve tried to call and I’ve messaged you, are you okay? After last night…” She cuts me off.
“I don’t want to talk about it, I can’t, it’s humiliating.” The sadness in her eyes says it all. I move and sit on the edge of her desk.How can she think like that?
“There is nothing humiliating about last night, I want to help you, why won’t you let me?” It’s getting frustrating that she won’t let me help.
“Because I don’t want your help, it’s too much. I barely even know you. Yet you want to do all these things for me, and I don’t understand why, I’m not worth the effort Jack.” Her voice breaks when she speaks those last words.
“Please don’t say things like that. You are worth it. I.. I just want you to feel safe and be happy Millie, I want to help you!” I’m pleading with her now, I can’t help it. I’ll win her around, even if it takes everything I have.
She rolls her eyes at me; it annoys me and turns me on at the same time. I do want her to feel safe and happy but I also want her to be next to me all the time. I want to see her every day, I want more, something I have not really ever wanted.
I run my hand over my face in frustration. I don’t know what else to say to her. I know if I say what I actually want, it will scare her. Especially after what Em said last night, I can’t and won’t do that to her.
My eyes fall on her face, which she’s been trying to hide behind her screen. Her eyes are red and puffy like she has been crying. Shit, she’s been crying!Where has she been? Why is she so upset?Moving around the desk, I pull her chair toward me and cup her face in my hands. “You’ve been crying. What’s wrong, what happened?”
She closes her eyes briefly, but then moves back away from me, shaking her head and closing herself off. She won’t even look at me.
“Fine, don’t tell me, but I will find out one way or another.” Standing up, I pace the room; she is so frustrating.
“Jack...There’s nothing wrong, it’s just been an emotional day, it seems like last night has had a lasting effect that I can’t shift.” She leans her head back on the chair and closes her eyes. My eyes fall on her face once again; she looks so sad, almost like she has given up on something. When I reach to touch her, she pulls away again, tears brimming in her eyes.
“I need to get some work done before my shift at the pub, could you leave please?” A single tear glides down her cheek.
“What have I done Millie?” I ask, moving away to the door; I don’t expect an answer, it was more of a question to myself.
“It’s not you Jack, you’re perfect, I’m just…not.” She says, then carries on busying herself with work. I’m not sure I was meant to hear it, but I leave, making the promise to do everything within my power to make her happy, and bring out the woman I know is in there.
When I walk into Em and Dan’s half an hour later, I’m in an even worse mood than I was before. I feel deflated, confused, frustrated but eager to prove I can make her happy. It’s confusing. She is the one I want. I know that for sure. I’m not letting her go again. I’ll wait as long as it takes. But it’s like talking to a wall! If she doesn’t talk to me, I don’t know what I’msupposed to do. My face must look like thunder when I walk into the house.
“Not you as well, we all seem to be in a shit mood this evening,” Dan says and hands me a beer when we walk into the kitchen.
“Why are you both in a shit mood? Did it not go well with Marco? He’s been working on those sample menus for months!”
“Oh nothing to do with Marco, he is pure magic, if that man can cook like that, I wonder what he’s like in the…” Em says.
“Um, no, you have a soon-to-be husband right here. Stop talking like you’re single, get your mind out of the gutter!” She winks at Dan, he is so jealous of any other man that looks at her, that it’s funny to wind him up. I like that he will always look out for her.
“So why are you two in a bad mood? You should be all happy I’m getting married in… however many weeks kind of thing!” Bringing my bottle to my lips, I welcome the cool beer. I may need a few more of these tonight.
They share a look between them, that tells me it has something to do with me and it’s not great news. Placing my bottle on the counter top I ask, “What is it?” a little too impatiently. “I’ve had it with people keeping stuff from me today. Millie won’t talk to me and has been avoiding me all day. She even told me to leave earlier. So what is it?” Having already drained my beer, I grab another and sit on the bar stool. They just look at each other, then Em finally moves and perches on the stool next to me.
“I spoke to Millie today, I saw her this morning, after she found out someone had handed in notice on her apartment; now she thinks she has nowhere to go. She has asked me to look for another place for her.”
“What do you mean, why was she at Bench View?” It’s like I’m in a different world. “I don’t understand why she would be there when she is staying with me.”
“Now don’t lose your shit, but I didn’t understand why she was asking either.” She squeezes my arm.
“I’m glad we’re on the same page. She has me, and somewhere safe to stay. That place is bad news!” I almost yelled.
“Yep, even more so now, when they discovered a body there this morning. Hence why she had to ring the landlord, to try and clear up with the police why they would not let her in as she was not a resident on the list they had.” Oh shit. “So, long story short, she was angry that someone is trying to control her life, without her knowing!” Double shit. “Also I know it was you who paid off the landlord to get her out of the lease.” Fuck… I cringe a little, maybe that was a bit forward, but she was never going to stay there again, so I dealt with it. There was no point in her paying rent when she was staying with me. “You should look uncomfortable right now, but I know why you did it. Anyway, I also wanted to know why she ran out on me last night, why me talking about you, and how funny it was to see you really interested in someone, really freaked her out. Well…” She lets out a sigh and tears start to pool in her eyes, and I bring her in for a hug.
“What’s the matter, why are you about to cry? You never cry.” Looking over at Dan for answers. Em sniffs and a small sob escapes her lips, so Dan takes over.
