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“No,” he says flat out, “everything has been ordered, it just needs to be fitted, plus it’s owned by The Manor, it’s… their responsibility, so it’s free.” He is just as stubborn as me.
It’s been three weeks since the first day at the cottage and so much has happened. I’m all moved in; the bathroom and kitchen were installed a few days before I moved. Jack and I agreed to disagree about paying for the renovations. I’ve been ordering the things I want for the cottage, but he keeps leaving cheques in the kitchen to pay me back for them. When he realised I was not banking them, he set up payment directly into my account. I think it’s a losing battle, which he will win no doubt.
I love being in the cottage. It feels like home, something I’ve not felt in a long time. I’m exhausted though, working two jobs, doing the renovations and working towards the next step in my business. I’m working all the hours I can. I want to make this place look amazing, I want it to be mine. We spent last weekend cutting down the overgrown forest in the little walled garden; it’s so beautiful. I can’t wait for summer to come around so I can plant a few flowers and create a little sanctuary all of my own.
Oh and my ribs have healed; I can move, bend and do everything again! With that in mind, I’ve started yoga at the local studio. It’s wonderful! I do it most mornings before I start work. It sets me up for the day. I love it.
Today I’ve skipped my yoga class, and I’m so excited! I’m getting my tattoo. I’ve not told anyone about it yet, I want it to be a surprise. I found the images I designed before I met Glen. And that’s the exact design I’m having today. I still loved it even though it’s been years since I originally designed it.
Jack and I are getting closer; we see each other almost every day. However, he and I have been busy over the last few days, so we’ve not spent as much time together. I like where we are though; he’s giving me the space I need, although he’s still there. If we don’t see each other, we speak on the phone or text every day. It’s given me a little hope that I can have a relationship again.
Today is not only a good day for me, but Dan, Jack and a few of the other guys fly to Ibiza for the stag do. Em, a few of her other friends, and I are heading up to London for a few days for her hen do tomorrow.
We’ve also put a plan into place for selling the house. Well it’s just the start of a plan; I’ve not figured the rest out yet. Jack is none the wiser, I feel a little guilty about keeping him in the dark, but I know how he would react. He works so hard and I don’t want to spoil the weekend he has planned with the boys. And I have to do this, for myself
There’s more... I’m meeting with Charlie first thing in the morning; we’ve been talking on the phone, and I’m nervous and excited. It’s been years since I saw her last, so much has happened. Most of which she knows now, not all the details but a summary of sorts. She has also agreed to help me with the sale of the house.
I’m not going near it; Charlie and Em will be doing the lock changes and estate agents stuff, only after it has been staked out to make sure he is definitely not there. I don’t want to be seen, or be around if he comes back. I don’t like putting them through this, I’m worried he will come back and catch them. I know how he would react to me, but I’m not sure what he would do to them, and that scares me. They have insisted it’s the best way to get it done, which I’m not happy about.
Not telling Jack was also at the insistence of Em, as we know he would want to be part of it, but that would only make thingsworse if he was there and he would hate the idea even more than me. Anyway, afterwards, we’ll join the girls at the Sky Lounge in the Shard for drinks, followed by more drinks, cocktails, food, clubs and dancing. I can’t wait to be out with the girls; it’s been so long. It’s all been organised and booked by Em’s friend, Jane. We met briefly at Em’s last weekend. I have a feeling she doesn’t like me much, but I’m at this hen party for Em, not her.
But first, my tattoo, the design I have chosen is an old one I designed myself; it will be big, down my arm and across the top of my back. Flowers of all sizes joined with stems. It’s really delicate. It’s going to take a good few hours but it’s only a line drawing with no filling. Hopefully it will be finished today so I can travel up to London tomorrow.
“Where are you going?” Em catches me when I walk past her office on the way to see Matt, the tattoo guy.
“To get a tattoo,” I say simply and her eyes almost pop out of her head before she laughs and says, “No really, where are you off to? Fancy some coffee?”
“If you want to join me you can, but I’m getting my tattoo today,” pointing to my arm and the tattoo place just past her office.
“Oh my god, you’re serious!” she squeals.
“Yep, I’ve wanted one for so long, it’s on my list of stuff to get me back to me.” I told Em about the list last week, didn’t say what was on it, but she loved the idea and has helped me find some classes I want to take. She helped me find the yoga class, it’s more spiritual than other ones, which I absolutely needed.
“I’m so coming with you, I’ll grab us some coffee and meet you there!” She almost squeals at me, wandering off to get our drinks. We have become quite close in the short time I have been here. It’s nice I can talk to someone who knows everything, even if she is Jack’s little sister.
I’m four hours in, and we are almost done. Matt has been amazing; Emma stayed for about an hour then had to get back to work. We ate cake while Matt worked on my arm; I’m feeling really tired; sitting in the same position for four hours is not good for anyone. But from what I can see so far it looks amazing! I can’t wait to show Em tomorrow.
“All done,” Matt says, pushing back his chair and giving me a hand to get up. “Go and take a look in the mirror, it looks great, your artwork is beautiful.” He says, taking his gloves off. Matt is a great-looking guy, slightly too skinny for me, but has that boho, rocker man vibe going on, long hair, tattoos. It’s a good look on him.
“Thank you!” I laugh a little shyly.
“You’re welcome, go on, take a look.”
I’m almost lost for words! “Matt, it’s amazing! Thank you!” I reach out and hug him.
My tattoo is beautiful; Matt has made it come to life, the detail he has added in is amazing. I wonder what Jack will make of it, and then the same feeling washes over me and makes me feel sick.What if… what if he…
“Everything alright over there?” Matt says from behind the counter, breaking my train of thought.
“Yes, yes it’s stunning, you’ve added some magic to it Matt. Thank you,” I say, squashing down my rising panic.
“The pleasure has been all mine.” I pay Matt and start heading back to the cottage after he wraps it for me.
It’s much further to walk than before, but I don’t mind. I’m starting to get a handle on my negative thoughts. The yoga teacher I have been going to has taught me a few things about meditation, and how just noticing your thoughts, accepting them and moving on can really help you. It’s not easy but I feel a small shift in the way I think about it all now.
My phone rings in my pocket and I take it out. It’s Jack.
“Where are you? I wanted to see you before I go.”
