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‘I want to say Dad spiralled, but that’s not fair. It wasn’t quite like that. I think, maybe, after putting so much of himself into the company, he didn’t have that separation anymore. What was Arrowmile, what wasn’t. We’d become part of that, too. Hanging around during half-terms, getting to know how everything worked. After a couple of years it just started to get … intense, you know?Dadgot intense. Started talking about legacy, and how this would be ours one day, trying to insist on us putting in the effort to knoweverything. Wanted us to know how to run the place like he did before we even finished school.
‘I say “we”,’ Will says on an inhale, a frown slipping onto his face, ‘but I mean me. I’m the oldest.’
‘You are? I – I mean … Lloyd didn’t tell me that.’
‘A whole thirty-eight minutes. It used to be this great big joke when we were little, but then Dad started piling on the pressure, and it just … It wasn’t for me anyway, but itterrifiedme. I started imagining this life where I’d just follow whatever path he laid out, become some carbon copy of him, and …’
‘And you didn’t want that.’
Which, knowing the little I do about Will, is more than understandable. I can’t quite picture this shy, modest guy in Lloyd’s place, schmoozing and soaking up the entire spotlight.
‘Yeah. It all came to a head when we were picking out our A levels. I picked History, English, French, and you had to get your parent to sign off on it. Dad refused. Said there was no point, it wouldn’t help me in this industry. We had this blazing row, but …’ He smiles faintly, watching where Lloyd is clapping a boules teammate on the shoulder for their throw. ‘Lloyd has a better mind for business than I ever did. He’s better with numbers than me. And he likes all the science behind it. He always took the brunt of it when we had work shovelled in front of us to do for Dad, and he did it again. Stepped right up to Dad’s side and said it didn’t matter what A levels I was doing.Hewas doing “useful” ones. We didn’t both want to be vying for Dad’s job one day anyway, and he’d be the better fitfor it.’ Will sniffs, but it’s dismissive rather than upset. ‘Dad and I weren’t exactly on great terms for a while, but Lloyd started spending more time getting involved at Arrowmile, and eventually Dad didn’t care that I didn’t want to be.’
It’s not just a few pieces this time, but a whole section of the puzzle that gets revealed. Suddenly, Lloyd’s shiftiness about his degree when I asked why he doesn’t just swap to a different course makes so much sense. Will’s absence from Arrowmile and the way people only talk about Lloyd – even the way he hesitated after Monty joked that Edinburgh University couldn’t be much further away.
I stare at Will for a few minutes, but he doesn’t seem angry or agitated about any of it. He just looks …peaceful. Content with his lot in life. Grateful for it, even.
I follow his gaze to where Lloyd is taking his turn at boules.
‘Now I feel bad for giving him so much flack about being the golden boy and always swanning around the office, sticking his nose into everything,’ I mumble.
Will laughs, nudging my arm with his elbow. ‘At least someone is. Wouldn’t want him getting too big for his boots, right?’
‘Right.’
But – God, I can’tbelieveI didn’t know any of this. Lloyd was being cagier than I realized. And it kind of explains why I’ve seen such different sides to him away from everybody else, too.
‘It’s been driving me crazy,’ I admit. ‘Trying to work out why he seems like a totally different person when we’re alone compared to … this. The whole parading around like a prize pony thing. Turning the charm up to max, being the prodigal son and whatever. I guess now I know.’
‘Like I said – I know he seems like a prat, but don’t hold it against him. He’s a good guy.’
‘What would he be doing if he didn’t have your dad pressuring him? At uni, I mean. Something science-y?’
‘Oh, for sure. I caught him looking at Chemical Engineering courses a few times.’
My brow furrows. ‘So, what, like … the kind of thing where he could figure out how to create new experimental coolants for an electric vehicle? I would’ve thought that was right up the Arrowmile street. Enhancing the legacy, or whatever. Did your dad really have a problem with it?’
Will pulls a face at me as he sips his drink. ‘Dad doesn’t know. Lloyd never brought it up.’
‘Why?’
His face falls even as his mouth remains upturned. He’s not easy to read in the way Lloyd is, but I’d put my money on him feeling ashamed.
‘My guess is he didn’t want to rock the boat by deviating from the plan. Didn’t want to drag me back into the firing line and another argument.’
I think about the different facets of Lloyd I’ve seen, and the common threads that link them all. The endless optimism and his ever-ready smile, the charisma he wields so effortlessly and how he hides so little of his emotions. The single-minded determination I’ve seen him display.
I picture him standing between his brother and his dad, and never complaining or lording it over Will, just accepting it for what it was with that quicksilver smile, his charm like armour. Guilt squirms in my stomach, tying it into knots, and my mind replays a ruthless montage of all the times I’ve tried to knock Lloyd off his pedestal in the office.
I glance over at him now. Topher is there, clapping a hand on Lloyd’s shoulder as he says something to a few other people.
And again, all I can say is, ‘Oh.’
Will and I end up hanging out for most of the afternoon. There are a few more glasses of Pimm’s. By the time evening is drawing in, the crowd thins and the drinks flow a little more freely. Most of the interns are still here, although Elaine, Freya and Burnley went home a while ago. Lloyd has been busy charming his audience of Arrowmile employees. I wonder if it’s starting to wear on him, if it ever does. There’s a chance he’s so used to it that it’s become second nature and he doesn’t even notice he’s doing it anymore.
‘You know,’ Monty slurs, clapping a hand on Will’s shoulder and giving him a playful shake, ‘you’re a really cool guy. Like,propercool. We thought you were gonna be some really stuck-up weirdo.’
‘You thought he was, like, twelve years old or something,’ Tasha points out with a scoff, just as I think‘stuck-up’ is rich coming from Monty, with his uber-posh accent and lofty attitude.
