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‘I, um …’ My voice sounds scratchy and high, and not at all like mine. I try again, saying, ‘I’m actually a bit busy with …’
Oh, bloody hell, what am I working on? What’s that engine project called? I need to say something,anything. Why can’t I remember a single thing I’m doing in my internship right now? I’m going to make a fool of myself in front of NadjaandTopher.
‘Don’t be silly, Anna – I’m sure whatever it is, it’ll keep. Not every day Kathryn Jones is available for lunch!’ Topher claps me on the shoulder. Another great joke. Ha-ha.
Nadja jumps in, seizing her chance. ‘While I’ve got you a second, Kathryn, I was thinking it’d be great if we could pin down some time for you to talk to all the interns? You’d be such an inspiring story for them …’
In a blur, goodbyes are said, and we all peel apart.
It’s like I blink, and I’m suddenly standing in front of the lift with a now-lukewarm cup of tea still clutched in my hands, not quite sure how I got here.
The lift arrives and I step in.
I press the button for the eleventh floor and step back.
Before the doors close, Lloyd appears on the other side of them. His face is serious, stony – angry.
‘You had such a problem with me being the boss’s son, having thingshanded to me, but what about you? I mean … Isanythingyou told me true?’
‘I …’
Iwhat? I don’t know. I’m still reeling.
‘You’re such a hypocrite, Annalise,’ he tells me, his voice tight – fraught.
The doors slide shut with him glowering at me.
When I get to the eleventh floor, I cut a path to the toilets instead of my desk.
Whether it’s Mum, or Lloyd, it doesn’t matter, because whatever it is, it makes something inside me snap.
I cave. I become the girl who cries in the toilets at work.
‘I cannotbelieveyour mum is famous!’ Elaine gushes, wide-eyed and absorbed in her iPad. She’s been looking up articles about Mum for the last half hour, with Izzy and Freya leaning over either side of her to see the screen. Occasionally, they’ll read out a snippet in awe, or ask me excited questions.
Have I met Alison Hammond, too? What about Adele, from that event they were both at? How cool it would be if I’d gotten a selfie with Adele! Why didn’t I work at my mum’s consultancy firm for the summer? Did I know she was collaborating with Arrowmile? Is it true that she’s going to fill in for Karren in some episodes of the next season ofThe Apprentice?
I hate this. I hate it so much I want to scream. I want to smash the entire dish of pasta bake I’ve just taken out of the oven on the floor of the kitchen and then smash Elaine’s iPad too.
I do my best to tune them out.
This isn’t Elaine’s fault. It’s not Izzy’s or Freya’s or anybody’s, except Mum’s.
It’s not mine. Definitely not. I don’thaveto tell people. I’m entitled not to, I think, all things considered.
‘Why didn’t you say anything?’ Elaine presses now, twisting from the sofa to look at me, head tilted to one side and a confused smile on her face. I keep my back to her as I plate up the food. I think we must eat variations of pasta bake about four times a week, but it’s always so easy to cook for a group.
‘I don’t see her much,’ I say, wondering how careful I need to be with my words. This is never usually a problem, as I just don’t tell people about my mum. When I talk about my parents, I mean Dad and Gina. ‘She and my dad split up when I was six, so …’
So she didn’t want to be around us anymore. So she was finally free from the burden we so obviously were and flitted off to indulge in her fancy career. So she doesn’t care.
‘Oh,’ Freya says, not unkindly, ‘well that’s not surprising you don’t see her very much. She’s a busy lady. I can’t believe how successful she is. She’s done so much!’
Yeah. Tons. But ‘mother’ doesn’t feature in her list of accolades.
‘You must be really proud of her,’ Izzy says.
Am I?
