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We arrive at the hospital and are swarmed by medical workers. I’m barely out of the car with Aurora when they pull her from me. It’s almost comical how fast they move. Like a movie. But shescreams, even with her eyes shut, and I rush forward. I grip her hand, drawing her face to me. Even as they put her flat on the stretcher and wheel her in, I stayright here. I say it, too, over and over.
I’m right here.
I tell them her medical history. I tell them that she said her chest hurts. Of everything, why would she say that if she wasn’t worried about her heart?
She thrashes.
A nurse sticks a needle in her upper arm, sedating her. It takes a minute for Aurora to stop, to take a slower, wheezing breath and relax on the stretcher.
I’m right here. Until I can’t go any farther. Someone stops me from following through a set of double doors.
“I’m her husband,” I say, my voice splintering. “I…”
I don’t know what to do.
I run my fingers through my hair. My stomach turns, and I rush over to the closest waste bin. I throw up, coughing and choking, and thenI’mswarmed. Nurses checking on me, taking the bin away, leading me to a chair in a quiet room.
Their voices are buzzing.
It’s not like I was the one held for thirty-six hours.
Should I feel more guilt?
Did Miles feel guilty when he?—?
I didn’t sleep while Aurora was gone. I hurt people who may or may not have deserved it. I don’t give a shit about them, though. I don’t give a shit about anyone but Aurora. She’s a beacon of light in the darkness.
Finally, I know.
When my brother steps into the room, I suddenly see him with an understanding that makes me wish for a knife acrossmythroat.
“I’m so sorry,” I choke out.
I don’t know if I’d be able to exist in the same room as him if he was responsible for Aurora’s capture. And yet, he still looks at me. Still talks to me.
Still considers mefamily.
He sighs and sits down beside me. “You’re sorry?”
“For all of it. For everything I’ve done to you and Willow. I was angry and crushed and I didn’t understand.”
“You didn’t want to understand.” He leans back, watching me.
“I didn’t want to understand,” I agree.
“But now you do.”
“I’ve loved her forever,” I admit. “Even when I thought the worst of her, I still loved her. And I hate myself for being so weak-minded that I couldn’t let her go.”
Miles laughs.Laughs, at a time like this.
“You’re not weak-minded. You’re just as fucked in the head as the rest of us. Except you found your girl long before we did.”
I close my eyes. I did find her. I found her, I lost her.
“I hate hospitals,” I admit.
Almost as much as Aurora does.
