AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I’m not joking, Cory. Imagine a huge firework rocket. Now douse it in petrol, add some sparkles for funsies, then set it on fire. That’s what he did to me.”
He leaned in and did some weird thing with his eyebrows. “It sounds like you had a prostate orgasm.”
“Have you ever had one?”
“Once.”
“And?”
“It was a firework rocket doused in petrol with sparkles for funsies and set on fire.”
“And you never told me about this because...”
“If I told you about every sexual encounter I have, we’d never talk about anything else.”
I considered that and relented a nod. “True.” Then I spotted some brown rice crackers over his shoulder and grabbed a packet. “Ooh, I need some of these.”
Cory pushed the trolley and we started up the aisle. “And he wants to meet me? Already?”
“I know it’s too soon. I mean, I already named our hypothetical cats, and that was before he did the magic-mushroom-head-dick thing.”
Cory stopped walking. “You named what?”
“Our future children.”
He made a face that was pure aghast. “Yourwhat?”
He was also clutching his heart. “I love that nail colour, by the way.”
He inspected his nails. “Oh, thanks. It’s called Atomic Tangerine. Now please explain the children thing.”
“Cats, not human children.” I shuddered. “Meatball and Spaghetti.”
“Have mercy, you do have it bad.”
“I told you after day one that I’d met the man I was going to marry. I don’t know why you’re surprised.”
He studied me for a few long seconds, then nodded. “Hm. Fine. I’ll meet him. What am I looking for, exactly?”
“Anything. You know I’m blind to these things.”
“Yes, the love goggles.”
“And after Jason . . .”
“I told you he was a slimy douche.”
“And I’ll listen this time.”
Cory sighed. “Linden, you’re my best friend and I love you.”
Oh dear . . .
“But you’ve never listened, not once. And I’ve been right every single time.”
“I know.”
“And if I tell you there’s something up with Mr Perfect, father of your future cat children, what will you do?”
