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I laugh to myself, thinking of something Candy said to me all those weeks ago. “Because I finally stopped looking at things in black and white and now see the world in glorious shades of morally grey.”
“So, you want forgiveness because what? I’ve made you look at things differently?” she sneers.
“Actually, I’m not asking forgiveness.” I slide my hands in my pockets looking at her with no humility.
Her face drops, surprise and disappointment fighting for dominance. “Oh.”
“I know I hurt you and for that, I am truly sorry. I knew very soon after meeting you that I didn’t want to hurt you, but unfortunately, I’d already put myself in a position where that was inevitable.”
She clenches her jaw, frowning at me but doesn’t say anything, so I continue.
“You see, I cannot apologise for the decisions I made because I thought I was doing the best thing at any given time. I’ll apologise for your hurt because it’s my fault entirely, but I went into this with an idea of you based on the opinions of others and that was wrong. I’ll apologise for continuing to lie to you when I knew I wanted you, when I knew you were a kind and brilliant woman, but I did that because I was too fucking scared that you’d cast me aside and I’d never see you or the girls again. I’ll apologiserainha, but I won’t beg for forgiveness. I did what I could to stay with you, to be near you and for that I can’t ask forgiveness.”
The sheen in her eyes encourages me to keep going.
“I was already planning on quitting the job Marks enrolled me to do the night before we saw each other at the station, the night I told you I loved you for the first time.”
She shakes her head, screwing her face up in confusion. “You didn’t tell me you loved me—”
“Eu te amo, rainha.” I step toward her cupping her jaw just below her ear and tilting her face to me. To my surprise she doesn’t push me away. “Not telling you I was still working for Marks was the only real lie I told, Annika,” I say gently. “Everything else, everything between us, everything I felt for you was real.”
She shakes her head again. “I can’t trust you. Fool me once, die a slow and painful death, Campos.”
I can’t help but chuckle. “I already told you, if you wanted me dead, I’d be in the ground already.”
The first tear breaks, rolling down her cheek and I wipe it away with my thumb. “I miss you,” she admits.
“I miss you too,rainha.” I lean closer now, so my lips brush against her with every word. “I’m going to kiss you now.”
Her eyes fall closed, and I take that as consent, closing my lips over hers and wrapping my arms around her when her mouth opens to allow my tongue to slide against hers. She tastes like home. She smells like home. She feels like home. Kissing Annika is my drug of choice.
When we break away, she grabs my black t-shirt at my chest and leans in to speak directly into my ear. “Fuck me over again, and I will feed you your own cock,sir.”
Why that threat has said appendage punching against my jeans isn’t something I want to look too far into, but I can’t deny my reaction. “I accept that, but you’ve got to know how hard you’re making me now.”
She smiles against my cheek as she places a gentle kiss there. “That’s a pity for you, because I’m not going anywhere near you until I can trust you again.”
“I’ll wait as long as you need,rainha,” I say more seriously. “I’m just grateful for the chance to get there.”
She nods. “Good. Although, the girls will be pleased to see you again. They start school next week.” She steps away smiling softly as she thinks of them.
“I know,” I admit. “I’ve been messaging Mabel.”
She throws her head back and gives me one of those rare and beautiful, unrestrained laughs. “I knew that girl was lying to me.”
I smile at her. “I couldn’t just walk away from them.” Looking her in the eye, I add, “From any of you.”
“Will you come by tomorrow? To see them?”
“Just try and stop me,” I grin. “Although maybe you could warn Stuart I’m coming? Or I think he mayactuallytry to stop me.”
She smirks. “Unlikely.” She jerks her head behind me, and I turn to see Stuart leaning against the wall a few feet away. “He was never going to pass the chance to beat you if you tried anything.”
I blow a breath through puffed cheeks. “I guess there are a few people I need to make it up to, huh?”
“Too many to count,” she says. “But you’ll get there.”
50
