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I chuckle. “It doesn’t tell me anything. But it will make me forget for a while.”
“Are you sure about that? Did you forget me when you were drinking before?”
I look up at her, expecting to see the same hurt and anger that was there earlier. Instead, she’s smiling softly.
“Nothing could ever make me forget you, mo chridhe,” I whisper.
“You keep calling me that. What does it mean?” she asks me, her eyes searching mine. They’ve never once looked atthe glass in my hand. Cal couldn’t stop looking at it, like he was waiting for a moment to snatch it from me. Belle’s only focus is me, and I’m about to melt under her attention.
“It means ‘my heart’ in Gaelic.” I look down as I answer, too scared to see her reaction.
“Maverick told me about your parents and how you felt about me going to college instead of signing with the label.”
I nod. I figured someone would.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Her voice is gentle and soothing.
“I couldn’t. I didn’t know how,” I say, a tear racing down my cheek. I don’t bother to wipe it away. I’m sure more will follow. “I was young and so fucking angry at the world. It wasn’t fair of me to put that on you. I know that now. I’ve known that for years.” I look up, meeting her curious gaze.
Belle keeps her eyes on mine and doesn’t interrupt me, but I can see in her eyes she wants to ask questions.
“But then I never saw you. You never came home after school. Or if you did, we were touring. I felt like you left us all, left me, to go live a different life. And with everything else going on. . . Ezra and my parents. . . I just couldn’t handle any more pain. So that pain turned to anger.”
“Kai…” she starts.
“I know it was wrong, Belle. And I had no idea how having you in my life again would affect me. I tried to push you away to save myself from breaking, and that wasn’t fair to you. I’m so incredibly sorry for that and for hurting you.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“You just did.”
She rolls her eyes and laughs. “Would you consider therapy? I’m working with a therapist online. I need help toprocess everything with Brad, and I think maybe it would help you too.”
Belle asked so sweetly that I can’t deny her. Usually people scream it at me in anger, like therapy is a punishment. I knew about her therapy sessions. She never kept them a secret from us.
“I’m not sure it’s my thing, but I’m willing to try it,” I tell her honestly.
“Can I ask you something?” I ask her, using her words.
“You just did,” she says in a deep voice that I think was supposed to sound like me but sounds more like Cookie Monster.
“Is there a chance? For us, I mean. I know I have no right asking you, but I need to know. I can’t handle one more moment thinking I’ve lost you forever while also wondering if I can win you back.”
Belle considers me with her beautiful ocean blue eyes. I would drown in them if she let me.
“Why do you love me?” she asks. Hope and disappointment swirl around in my gut.
I let go of the glass and take both of her hands in mine. “I love you because when you laugh, your nose scrunches up and makes you look adorable. I love you because you’re smart and funny and creative. I love the way you look at me. I love how strong you are. You’re so fucking strong, mo chridhe. I love the way you smile to yourself while you’re playing music on your keyboard. I love how you get a line between your brows while you write songs. I love the way you love the people in your life. I just love you, Belle. I always have.”
Tears are streaming down her face, but she’s smiling. That’s. . . good? I think.
“I love you, Kai.”
The words are barely out of her mouth, and I’m claiming her lips. They’re soft and warm and taste like magic.
She pulls away too soon, her hand on my chest and for a moment, I’m worried I misread the situation.
“We need to go slow. We both need to process a lot, but I think we should do it together,” she tells me while staring at my lips.
