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A shaft of moonlight was illuminating it now. I could see it much more clearly than before.
I swallowed. The sinister figure had gone.
Frantically, my eyes swept around the garden, looking for suspicious shapes... for someone lurking in the shadows of the hedge, just out of sight.
But there was no one there now and I felt my breathing steady. They’d gone, whoever they were. The danger was past and now Kurt was buzzing for me to let him come up to the flat.
But now, as I opened the door and heard his footsteps echoing on the stone steps and getting closer, a different fear was starting to take shape within me.
What if my overwrought mind had been playing tricks on me again? What if it hadconjured upthis disturbing vision in the back garden and it wasn’t actually real?
What if there had beenno one out there?
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
I’d known deep down, after a year of trying to make the relationship with Nash work, that it was hopeless. But I was in love with him and so I stayed, choosing to believe him every time he made a promise that things would be different this time.
And theywouldbe different. He’d make an effort to be extra-nice to me for a few weeks; sometimes even a whole month would go by without a flare-up. But then they would start again, the angry outbursts, and they’d become more frequent until I’d had enough and we had a huge row, and I’d tell him I was leaving.
But then things would calm down and Nash would be distraught, practically on his knees begging me to give him another chance. He’d be better in future. It would never happen again.
And so the whole destructive cycle would begin all over again.
Then one night, something shifted in my head. He’d yelled right in my face about not emptying the dishwasher and, shocked at the suddenness of his attack, I staggered back, lost my balance and fell to the floor. Stunned, I could feel tears pricking at my eyes. I looked up at Nash but he didn’t even hold out his hand to help me up. He just looked at me in disgust and walked out of the kitchen.
Trembling, I went straight upstairs and started to pack.
That was it. No more. It was over and I really meant it this time.
I’d moved into Nash’s place the previous year but luckily, I still had my own house, although I was currently renting it out. But the one-year lease was up in four months – the tenants were buying a house – so I’d be able to move back in there eventually...
Nash came into the bedroom while I was in the en-suite bathroom, clearing my toiletries into my washbag, and he was in tears, sitting helplessly on the bed and telling me how sorry he was. But I was determined this time to ignore his pathetic show of contrition, and I told him straight that this time, I was going.
And that’s when, for the first time, he threatened to harm himself if I left him.
By the time I went out to the car, he’d started slugging back whisky and smoking furiously and saying he didn’t care if I left because he wouldn’t be around much longer anyway.
I drove away and parked nearby, and in desperation, I called Janey because I knew she was the one person who might understand. She’d gone out with Nash for a short time. She knew how horrible his moods could be.
Janey was lovely. She said I was doing the right thing, leaving him, and she was sure Nash was just issuing threats of suicide to make me stay. She was certain he wouldn’t actually do anything...
‘You sound awful,’ she said. ‘Look, come round, Rori. Lance is out tonight at the pub with a mate so it’ll just be the two of us and we can chat, okay? And don’t worry about Nash. He’ll be perfectly fine and so will you.’
So I drove over to Janey’s house in Guildford, and she welcomed me with a large glass of wine and said only half-jokingly that I should get drunk and stay over in the spare room.
I laughed and took a large gulp, but then I put it back down because it made me feel even more nauseous, and then Janey’s mobile rang and it was Lance. She told him she was looking after me because I’d finally walked out on Nash, and I heard Lance cheering in the background, which made me smile.
Clearly, they’d both been thinking for a while that I should leave.
‘Nash is apparently getting pissed as we speak,’ Janey told her boyfriend, with a weary look at me, ‘and smoking like a chimney, despite the fact he’s meant to have given up the fags. But I’ve told Rori she has to stay here and I’m going to order pizza.’
She stuck her thumb up at me, and even though I had zero appetite, I responded with a nod and a smile. I’d been thinking I’d have to stay the night in a hotel, but this was so much better.
I managed some of the pizza when it finally arrived but I was too exhausted for a lengthy conversation about the details of my failed relationship, and Janey could see that I was drooping and didn’t want to talk about it. So she ordered me to bed at last, brought me a comforting hot chocolate and said that things would look a lot brighter in the morning.
I was so tired, I managed just a few sips of the drink before I had to put it down and sink into sleep.
*****
