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Hisashi
I had to stay away.This motherfucker almost killed her.Ialmost killed her. “Oh, no not this again. Don’t go blaming yourself, now. I take full responsibility for almost killing your little bitch...” Hesnickers like the shithepulled was some sort of prank.
“You are not allowed to call her that anymore. In fact you are not allowed to even see her anymore, stay in your fucking corner.” I watch in the mirror as he tries to emerge, but it takes little effort on my part to put him in his place.
“Don’t,”Hepleads.
“Quiet,” I snap, firmly closing that door. He’s not a separate personality, he’s my Id. The cruelest basest part of my psyche emerged to protect the frightened little boy who the world moved in opposition to when I was too young to understand how my brain worked.
My scholar father though he struggled to manage me, the same with my unfortunate mother who never had the capacity for much more than the competition she fomented between my brother and me. All that mattered to her was excellence. Having a child deemed defective by our elite society was anathema to her and to a lesser degree to my father who was at least willing to hope for the best for me.
Afraid was what I was capable of yet astounded by my genius he was torn between allowing me my interests as long as I did not hurt another.
He really thought my interest in Taylor was good for me and it was for a time. It was a healthy little obsession that kept me from pursuing her in other more dangerous ways. He and I both knew I was never worthy of her. Kiyoshi knew. The reason we fought that night by the theater was him reminding me of how I could be. For a brief moment I was strong enough to send her away. Then she came back and I was lost, helplessly lost.
She brought me more happiness than I ever thought possible. Then only anguish and abandonment. Still, she didn’t deserve to die only the vengeance I sought.
“And you can’t even follow through with that.”Hesneers.
“I’m not sure I want to. What you did was enough,Monster.” Looking at my reflection I want to punch it, knowing the mocking sneer I sense but can’t see because it’s my hallowed cheek and five o’clock shadow that I see.
“We are not hurting her anymore,” I state unequivocally getting my shaving kit together.
“Oh, so you’re letting her go?”
Saying nothing, I text Hiru to come shave me. I don’t trust myself with a razor. Not because of self harm proclivities but how my hands tremble from the lack of food from the fast I’ve been on.
“Sensei.” I look up and nod to the man taking my seat. He steps past me to the sink preparing the barbering tools he needs to shave and cut my hair to a decent length. It’s well past my shoulders and though the length doesn’t bother me it needs a good trim.
I close my eyes as he wraps me in towels. “Mrs. Takeda has asked after you every day,” he begins, giving me a detailed report on Taylor’s activities as he shaves me from face to chin.
“She been writing every day on the new project. It’s a new play. She seems to be very close to the end. She asks several times a day if you are to be expected and after your health. Ahem —”
I open my eyes at the way he trails off. “What is it?” I ask, waving him away wiping my neck clean myself waiting as he puts the soothing towel in its place before he moves on to trim my hair.
“Yesterday, she began her woman’s time and she seemed to suffer greatly. Aiko assured me that it was nothing to worry about but today she seems to be worried and says that Mrs. Takeda is visibly upset and seeming to be in great pain.” Hiru steps back already anticipating my actions.
I’m up and pulling on a Henley and a pair of joggers. Pulling socks on, I put my slippers on heading up the levels leading to her room.
Letting myself in to the almost too sterile room I see a spiral notebook on the bed along with several sheets of paper with notes in a neat pile. Beside it is a pencil pack.
The door of her bathroom is closed. Going over I knock. “Tay-chan?” I turn the knob and it’s locked. I knock again. There is a click.
I open the door and Taylor stands in the door her face wane.
“What’s the matter?” She’s searching my face as much as I am searching hers.
“Where have you been?” Ignoring the slight accusation in her tone, I bow deeply to her. “Gomen’nasai, I had to take some time for my mental health.” Deep shame at nearly killing her then abandoning her soon after eats at my insides like acid but I couldn’t be around her until I was no longer a threat to her.
She continues to look at me with relief mixed with disbelief.
“What’s going on?” I look past her but see nothing amiss.
Suddenly she gasps almost doubling over. Sweeping her into my arms I stride back over to the bed. Lying her down I see the bruises of two weeks ago have faded, but are still there. Still shaken by the damage I could have caused — may still cause — I step back a safe distance. She doesn’t miss the action. She looks as if I’m hurting her instead of trying to protect her.
Shaking my head, I can’t look at her. I’ve injured her beyond what should ever be acceptable. Still, she has forgiven me. Even said she knows it wasn’t me. True. But I am responsible.
“What’s wrong, Taylor?” I ask her firmly brooking no evasion.
