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“She is different this time,” Flora spoke to me in my mind.
“That she is,” I agreed, never taking my eyes off the mountain of stone that was her temple. I’d left her there, and I saw the hurt in her eyes when I did. She didn’t understand why. Couldn’t. I had seen her transformation countless times. I didn’t want to witness it again.
“And yet you walked away from her, leaving her there with those power-hungry priestesses,” Fauna stated. “It’s clear you didn’t want to.”
“I had to,” I whispered. “The realm has descended into madness without us. You were both aging. It might take a thousand years, but your deaths would be my end. Without us, Arcadia would fall. I had to make a choice.”
Flora nudged my arm, scooting closer. “Then why do you sit here questioning your decision?”
I shook my head, not knowing how to put into words the struggle I felt within.
Fauna huffed, rolling her eyes, and breathing out harshly through her snout. “Because he loves her.”
“I always love some part of her,” I admitted. “We were made for a purpose.”
“Oh, please,” Fauna countered, tossing her head to the side. “She is different, so this love is different. Wefeelyou, Pan. We are soul-bound. Stop lying to yourself. When you do, you lie to us in turn. It’s beneath you.”
“Fauna,” her sister chastised. One kind and gentle, one straightforward and harsh. My yin and yang. “He’s hurting.”
I chuckled, relishing their company after how much I missed their bickering and comfort. “You’re both right.” Fauna licked her paw with pride.
“In truth, everything is different, isn’t it?” Flora prodded. “I see her in your memories. You’ve never known her like this.” She raised her head, staring into the distance as she watched what had transpired over the last three days play in my mind. When she finished, she turned to me. “That was not Kali that you handed over to them.”
“I assure you, it was. I’d know her anywhere.” I clasped my hands, waiting for the weather to change. It would come soon. It always did. When the goddess of destruction returned, we’d all know it. I just didn’t know how long we’d have before she’d fully descend into the behavior that earned her the title.
We’d lived countless lifetimes as friends. We’d lived countless lifetimes as enemies. We’d lived countless lifetimes as lovers, and only a few of those were even happier times. Each story had the same ending, though I’d tried to change it despite our fraught history.
Eventually, her nature couldn’t be tamed. The devil priestesses—herfamily—groomed and raised her to be what she was. They encouraged Kali to answer the call that drove her into darkness, urging her to drink in the power that came when she was worshipped. As she gained in strength, so did her priestesses. They fed from her, fueling their own influence over the shifters of Arcadia, reveling in the blood that paved the way to their own immortality.
They prepared Kali each and every time so that they, her priestesses, would be revered for their hold over her. Kali was a means to an end. When tribes fought back, or refused to bow before the peacocks, they used Kali’s wrath to destroy the realm. I hated them for it.
“You misunderstand, Pan. Yes, itisKali’s body, but that’s not her mind. Maybe not even her soul. The physical body is merely a vessel, after all,” Flora said gently, tilting her neck slightly as she considered saying more. “And you are not following your heart.”
“Like a dumbass,” her sister chimed in.
“My heart has led me down this path before, Fauna,” I argued, though a part of me smiled at her candor.
“More lies,” she scoffed, giving me the side eye.
I knew she was right. They both were. That didn’t stop my heart and head from battling.
I’d spent three days with a woman unlike any I’d ever known. Brief pieces of the personality I was accustomed to shone through this new version of her, yes. A hardness and an unyielding perseverance were present, but not because she’d been raised by the zealots. She’d been raised by a family. Suffered hardships. Endured loneliness and bullying, but also experienced unconditional love. Joy. Fear.
She’d been shaped by compassion. Humanity, as she’d called it.
It was why she’d cried amid the temple ruins. Why she’d reacted with such anger over having to kill a child, even if it had been in self-defense. It was why she helped bury them.
Those parts of her were genuine. Every bit of her I’d experienced the last three days was a woman I’d never met in all my lifetimes with her.
Her anger was just. Her pain was real. Her love for her family was palpable. She’d made me promise to stop them from searching for her. Her last wish was to protect them.
When she’d looked at me, accepting that I’d traded her life for Flora and Fauna, I saw forgiveness in her eyes. It was an understanding. This version of her didn’t forgive easily, but Adora wascapableof it. In all the eons we’d existed, Kali had never forgiven anyone.
Dark clouds gathered, rolling into each other and blacking out the sky. Rumbling thunder sounded after violent cracks of lightning splintered across the heavens.
I stood, preparing to dive into the water. “Stay here.”
“What are you doing?” Flora asked quickly, jumping on all four paws.
