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I sighed, but at least my reaction to his vow felt normal … like I was still the same person. I wanted to help him deal with the trauma that had plagued him for the past fifty years. Maybe then he’d let it go and not be haunted by me again. He wasn’t playing the victim like I’d thought. Rather, he saw himself as the antagonist in our love story. “My death wasn’t your fault.”
“Maybe not, but that doesn’t matter.” He shrugged. “Because, no matter how different I wish our story could be this time, the circumstances are such that it can’t be different. That was what Quinley talked to me about—our working together will cause more conflict between our kingdoms when one of us dies, especially if it’s by the other’s hand. It will send the message that the one time a Winter royal and a Summer royal worked together, it led to a vicious death. We’re in the Comortas, and whoever survives won’t be strong enough to face the torment of how Talamh will react.”
An ache worse than that in my memory squeezed my heart and intensified into excruciating agony. He’d come here and proclaimed he’d made a mistake, only to tell me that his original decision stood. What sort of mind games was he playing? “What’s the point of you telling me all these things?” My voice cracked.
He sighed and reached out to touch my face, but he stopped a few inches shy. He licked his lips, and his mouth tipped downward. “To make sure you understand that it was a mistake for us to ally together today. I wanted to ensure you had proper training, but it might have come at too high a cost.”
This had to do with Curry threatening us—that was when his entire demeanor had changed. I crossed my arms and put pressure on my chest, hoping to relieve the agony. “Okay. So you’ve decided, again, for the two of us.” It took every ounce of self-control I had to ensure my voice didn’t break, but I refused to reveal how badly he was hurting me again. Both he and my mother had been willing to sacrifice my needs and wants for their own vision of what needed to be done with no input from me. “Got it. Makes perfect sense. You can leave.” I needed him to go. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hold myself together.
“Alina, I need you to understand. I’m doing this for you.”
“Understood.” Several foster parents had said the same thing when they’d informed me I was going back to the group home. The message was always so similar, but that was a lie they told themselves to sleep better at night. “Now leave.”
His head sagged. “Don’t do this. Don’t shut me out.”
Coolness swirled through that spot on my neck as hot rage boiled in my blood. It had been a long day, and I was exhausted. I wanted to get dinner over with so I could crawl into bed. I didn’t have the energy to be around anyone, especially after what Kieran had said. “I’m not the one shutting you out, Kieran. You told me we shouldn’t have allied and we shouldn’t be seen working together in any capacity. I won’t beg you to change your mind—I have more pride than that—but being around you hurts, so … I need you to leave.” Being alone with him when the only thing I wanted to do was touch and kiss him was making this situation more torturous. If he stayed, I didn’t trust myself not to beg him to change his mind.
“Mo—”
“Don’t,” I spat. I didn’t know what the nickname meant, but I didn’t want him to use it ever again. “Please leave.”
He nodded. “Fine. You’re right. We shouldn’t be alone with each other like this.” He took a step back. “I wish things were different, but I have to put distance between us … for you.”
I wanted to call him out again, but I didn’t want to argue with him anymore. All my words were gone.
Shadows flickered from his body, engulfing him. He stepped back, blending in with the shadows of my room. The door opened as if a ghost had done it, but I could sense him. The cool pulses in my neck announced his presence.
So strange.
Especially since I felt the coolness only around him.
When the door finally closed, I went to the window. The moons were nearing their peak, which meant I was expected in the ballroom. The trees reminded me of fall, with their leaves of gold, orange, and red glinting in the twilight. I took a deep breath to center myself.
Once upon a time, I’d never dreamed I could suffer more than I already had. That I’d already been hurt by the people I should have been able to trust. But coming here had challenged everything.
Memories of my first life were returning, and I’d felt a connection with Kieran in an instant. No amount of distancing could’ve prevented that; our attraction was like gravity. We wanted to revolve around each other, but if we got too close, we clashed, knocking each other away.
A faint knock sounded on my door, and Maeve called, “Ivy?”
When the knob turned, my stomach clenched.
The door flung open, revealing Maeve. Her eyes narrowed. “What in the icicles is this?”
Doing the very thing I hated, I chose my words carefully. Telling her it was unlocked because I’d let Kieran in would make her angrier than having the door unlocked without a reason. “I was about to leave.”
“You’re across the room.” She scanned the space. “You have to be more careful. Dallas was sure Kieran called the shadows around you two that night at the ball. If that’s true, and the Winter royal family still has shadow magic, that will be very bad for us all … especially in the Comortas.”
“If Kieran wanted me dead, he could’ve killed me during the trial today.” A knot formed in my chest because, in the final trial, he and I might have to fight to the death. I tensed, feeling as if bricks were weighing me down.
She placed a hand on the hilt of her sword, ready to draw it. “You got lucky. It was foolish to trust him.”
If she’d said that before Kieran had shown up here tonight, I would have disagreed with her. But the misery swimming through my body made me think she was right. I wouldn’t be thinking clearly if we had to fight.
I shrugged, feigning indifference. “Maybe, but he helped me with the quicksand and the mirrors.”
She scowled. “Queen Orla and King Dallas asked me to come up and retrieve you. They are waiting for you downstairs.”
I wanted to roll my eyes. She could never admit she was wrong. In my past life, I’d tried to get her to admit I was right once, and she’d clammed up, making me not want to trust her. I blinked and shook my head, more memories from my former life coming back and merging with mine. It was the strangest sensation.
