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Things I would have loved to find in a mate . . . instead of being saddled with Markus. The boy, as Elias often called him, was a pain in my side. Even after they’d had a little “chat,” Markus still insisted on spending time together every day. His persistence might have been attractive if it weren’t completely unwanted and exhausting.
“I look forward to it,” I said, genuinely meaning it. “I’ve never been beyond Portland.”
Bianca appraised me. “You poor thing. How old are you, if you don’t mind me asking?”
We trailed past the library, down the hall, our steps slow and unhurried, Nova strolling quietly at my side. “Twenty-four,” I said. “I was born on the night of the Great Sacrifice. Travel is pretty much impossible for members of Fire and Fluorite. Especially if you’re in Mathis’s pack . . .”
She nodded slowly. “You still have family there, don’t you?”
“My parents and a close friend.” I tugged at the sleeve of my navy-blue sweater. She gave me a sympathetic smile.
“I’m sorry.” I appreciated that she didn’t try to tell me it would all be okay. Not when neither she nor Elias could guarantee anything.
Feeling like this conversation was steering toward a direction I didn’t feel like discussing, I changed course. “How long have you known Elias?”
“Well, our papas were good friends. Mine saved his during a hunting accident.”
“An accident?” I frowned, well aware of how vampires had hunted before the modern era.
Bianca nodded. “Yes. An avalanche. It buried Horatius beneath fifty tons of ice and snow and rocks. My papa spent two days straight digging him out, then nursing him back to health. We were given our position in the Court after that.” That had been unexpected and not at all what I’d envisioned. “I was actually born a few years before Elias. We were raised like cousins. My parents have not been fortunate enough to have another child, so he became more like a brother to me. Still is, though we haven’t been as close since he became king.” We came to the end of the hall, where the giant stained-glass window that overlooked the front doors was. “It’s understandable. Kings are very busy. There’s not much time for anything else—” Her mouth snapped shut, realizing how it sounded. “I didn’t mean to imply?—”
“It’s all right,” I said, putting her worries at ease. “None of what you said is untrue.” It was part of why he wanted me as his queen. To carry out the role without being a drain on his time and energy.
“He’s different with you,” she said after a moment. “It may not be a traditional mating where you spend nearly every moment together after finding one another—but I’ve seen the way he is with you. The effort he goes to making plans for you both. He’s always been a great king . . . but if it’s not too presumptuous to say, I think he’s also trying to be a great mate.”
I hesitated to respond. Elias and I were pretending. Bianca only saw what he wanted her to see, and yet . . . he was like her brother. They’d grown up together. If it was all pretend, wouldn’t she see it? Then there was the matter of our dinners . . . He did go through a lot of effort to have dinner with me every night and spend time with me after. He said it was for companionship, that even if this was a business arrangement, it didn’t need to be an unpleasant one. We could be great friends in time. Still . . . I was pretty sure friends didn’t want to be touched the way I wanted Elias to touch me. I doubt friends woke up every single morning glued to each other’s bodies after dreaming about them.
I doubt they asked the gods why they were given Markus and not him as a mate.
I never dared utter that notion aloud, but I thought it. In the quiet of the night, when he was asleep, and the fire crackled, I thought about how different things could have been if Markus had rejected me the day of the commemoration. Mathis probably would have let my family go. His son’s rejection would have been a good enough reason to finally cast us out of the House. Perhaps Elias wouldn’t have taken me in, but maybe he still would have. Maybe . . .
No good ever came of wondering what could have been.
“He would be—is,” I corrected myself. “He is a good mate, a great one.”
I smiled lightly, even though inside I wanted to bang my head against the glass window. Stupid. So stupid. I can’t believe I slipped up like that.
Bianca watched me with deeper interest. Her purple eyes were unreadable, though her lips made her seem amused. “Our parents once hoped that we would be mates,” she confessed to me. “That was never going to happen. Not even if the gods decreed it. We simply don’t see each other that way. Our parents were so sure we were mates that Elias and I were technically betrothed until we finally convinced them to drop it. There was even a time he was with Katie, but that was short-lived. She was never right for him.” I blinked, my jaw slipping a fraction. “Look, marriage can be chosen for you, but at the end of the day, it's still a choice. You can be married, but that doesn’t make it a marriage. Do you understand?”
I slowly nodded. “I think so.”
“Being mated is not all that different. Sometimes we don’t get to choose. Sometimes it’s chosen for us. As you are very well aware, that doesn’t mean that those people are true mates. Not unless they decide to be, and if they don’t want to . . . there’s nothing stopping them from looking elsewhere.” She inclined her head, a secretive tilt to her lips. “Elias is a good man, and he will be a good mate because he has chosen to be one. That’s all that matters.”
Bianca saw so much and yet so little.
While it seemed she might not have actually bought the second-chance mate story after all, she didn’t realize the real reason Elias had chosen me. We weren’t mates in the truest sense of the word. He wasn’t looking for a partner or lover. Elias wanted a business arrangement. A relationship of convenience. A weapon to use against Mathis.
All of it was fake. I was a fraud. This whole thing was an utter sham.
All the while I wanted things that a fraud wouldn’t have wanted.
I desired more than a fake relationship.
Blackmailed and developing feelings for the vampire king. It sounded like a romance novel or the butt of a joke.
“Not every mating is decided by love,” Bianca added after a moment. “There are many reasons why two people choose to spend their lives together. That doesn’t mean that love can’t be found. Like a wildflower on a grassy knoll, sometimes you have to find it. By the looks of you two, though, I doubt you will have to look too hard.”
CHAPTER 14
