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Nova ran up to me, nudging me with her nose. There was almost a bounce in her step. She felt the release too. Running my fingers through her fur, I smiled at her, thanking her silently for coming when I’d needed her. She always would.
“Thank you,” I said after my senses had settled. Markus looked stunned, probably never expecting those words to come from my mouth addressed to him. That made two of us.
“I’m sorry I didn’t do it earlier,” he said, glancing away. He shoved himself to a standing position, dusting off his jeans, and walked toward me. Holding out a palm, he offered to help me up. I took his outstretched hand, and for the first time, it felt like a truce. “I held on to something that wasn’t there, and you suffered for it.”
I wiped my hands off on my shirt. “What made you change your mind?” I asked. The reversal of his stance was so stark, it made me wonder if I was dreaming. Curiosity fueled so many questions.
“I realized it when you were in heat. That’s what I was trying to say. Poorly, though, it would seem.” He grimaced, running his fingers through his hair. “I could see us for what we were. We were mates, and we never should have been.”
Ooooh. I winced, realizing I’d never given him the chance to finish speaking. In my mind, I’d known what he’d been going to say. My trauma had spoken for me. The past had let me believe I’d known what was going to happen.
Those traumas had protected me in many ways, even as their toxic aftermath continued to eat at me, they’d kept me guarded. But they’d also continued to harm me, letting me assume the worst in someone, even as he was trying his best.
“I thought the heat was going to make it worse,” I admitted, crossing my arms as a breeze brushed over my skin, sprouting goosebumps everywhere.
“Me, too,” he agreed. “It did at first. I could hear you, and I knew you were with him.” I opened my mouth to explain, but he held a hand up. “It’s okay. I mean, it wasn’t then. I wanted to kill him. I tried to break through the door. But as the minutes turned to hours, it felt like a part of that tie between us loosened. Like you weren’t there on the other side of it anymore.”
I stared blankly. It had? How was that possible? “I don’t understand . . .”
“I didn’t either at first, but eventually it made sense. If we were truly meant to be mates, that wouldn’t have happened. You aren’t meant to be mine. You never wanted me, but the bond made reasoning cloudy, and I couldn’t see the why. It was just so strong, that pull toward you. Fate couldn’t be wrong, could it? That’s what I kept telling myself. It took you being in heat and losing that connection slowly over days for me to realize it. None of it was ever real, but you knew that from the beginning.”
“Wow. . .” I breathed, at a loss for words. It was so much more than I had even hoped for.
“Right?” he said, a small laugh escaping him. “You were willing to die rather than be with me, and even that wasn’t enough for me to see it all.” He crossed his arms, almost looking uncomfortable as he stood in silence for a moment. Clearing his throat, he spoke again. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure?” I said, though I was sure it sounded like a question.
“You don’t have to answer me. I’ve asked before . . . Why didn’t you kill me? You saved me. A few times. But in the throes of the mate bond, I thought it was because deep down, you wanted to be with me. Now I understand that’s not the case.” He left the statement open-ended, not pushing it further.
I blew out a big breath, my cheeks expanding. I could give him that. “I didn’t kill you at the commemoration because it was wrong. All of it. The way your father acted, the way he was willing to throw us both out on a whim because he thinks we’ve sullied the Del Reyes name, the way he wanted one of us to die—mostly me. It was all wrong. You deserved so many things, Markus, but you didn’t deserve to die. You still don’t. I wasn’t going to let your dad win. He doesn’t care about you, and he was going to prove it again that night, only I didn’t know how far he’d take it. That’s why I said you were in Blood and Beryl when Elias rescued us.”
“You were willing to die, though. You wouldn’t fight back. What would have happened if I hadn’t . . . if I hadn’t stopped?”
I swallowed thickly. “Then we wouldn’t be here, would we? And you’d have to live with it. But I wasn’t going to.”
He shook his head in disbelief. “You could have died.” His voice was barely a whisper. “And it would have been my fault.”
“You made a choice not to kill me. So really, thank you for that. Definitely appreciated,” I said. He met my eyes, snorting a small laugh. “And yes. I would have died, but I couldn’t live with myself if I killed you, or anyone, without cause.”
He scrunched his eyebrows, giving me an incredulous look. “How was that not a just cause?”
“I don’t believe in killing someone unless it’s self-defense, and before you say it, it wasn’t self-defense. It was Mathis setting up a blood match. There was no winner, no matter the outcome. I wasn’t going to be a part of it. That was my choice.” I shrugged my shoulders, hoping it all made sense to him.
“You make it seem effortless.”
I twisted my lips, considering him as we stood just feet apart. I felt like I could say more, and that he would hear it, so I continued, voicing thoughts I hadn’t shared with anyone.
“I spent my childhood missing my father. My mom always said I was so much like him. He was fair and even-tempered. He wasn’t a killer, but he punished accordingly. He was kind but fierce. They were things I didn’t believe about myself, but I knew I could be that way. If he were still here, he would’ve been guiding me. I know what he would have wanted me to be, and it was in line with who I knew I wanted to be too. I may not be the heir to that House anymore, but I strive to embody all that it means to be a leader, even if no one sees me as one.” I touched my father’s ring that hung around my neck, that small reminder that he was with me.
Silence spanned between us. I couldn’t believe I’d shared that with Markus, of all people. After a while, he smiled, though it didn’t reach his eyes. There was a sadness to it, and it ran deep.
“I’ve learned a lot from you. About myself, about our life in Fire and Fluorite. Things maybe I didn’t want to realize about my family, or me . . .” He turned, taking in the waterfall. “I, um . . . I know I said I wasn’t going to stay, but with your permission, I’d like to remain in Blood and Beryl.”
“You’re asking me?” I pointed toward my chest, eyebrows rising. He nodded. “Yeah, I mean . . . I want you to make a life for yourself somewhere. Here is as good a place as any. Work doing something you like. Maybe you can find yourself a friend or two?”
He chuckled, tipping his head back. “Oh, I’m not entirely sure that will happen yet. The way everyone gave you the stink eye back home? It would appear that the tables have turned.” He waved his hand, as if it weren’t a concern. “I’m okay. I’m not sure I’d want to be friends with me, either.”
“You are hard to like sometimes,” I said, but a grin crept upon my face.
