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“Dannika!” she said in surprise, rushing to stand. “My apologies, milady, I should have?—”
“Stop,” I whispered calmly. Embarrassment crept up my cheeks, and I looked around. “I ran into you. You’re not supposed to be the one to say you’re sorry.”
“That’s not exactly how that works,” she said with a nervous laugh.
“Sure it is,” I retorted. “I bump into you; that’s my fault. I apologize.”
Katie shook her head slightly, but smiled, bending down to pick up papers. I knelt beside her, helping to clean up everything she’d been carrying. “You’ll get used to it. Being royalty, I mean.”
Grabbing another paper and transferring it to a pile, I looked at her. “What will I get used to? I don’t understand.”
“All of it, of course.” She took several folders, then started putting papers back in them. “It’s probably really weird to think about, but being queen means you aren’t wrong. It’s our job to look out for you, not the other way around. If a mistake is made, that’s on us.”
“That doesn’t make sense." I scrunched my eyebrows. That wasn’t how I’d been taught, and it sure didn’t seem like Elias ran things that way. I knew I hadn’t been around long, but still.
Katie pressed her lips together in a forced smile. “It’s okay. It will. Blood and Beryl thrives for it. Elias has a reputation for a reason, you know?” She stood up, tucking her hair behind her ear.
I stood up with her, handing her the stack of papers I’d collected. “Yeah,” I said quietly. “Speaking of Elias, have you seen him?”
“We had a meeting earlier, but he cut it short,” she answered, looking slightly annoyed.
“When was that?” I asked, feeling hopeful.
“Oh, hours ago. Ended at about six-thirty,” she said, tilting her head toward the front of the mansion. “Said he was cancelling his next meeting and was going to be off the estate for a while, letting off steam.”
My heart sank and my stomach twisted. “His next meeting?” I repeated quietly.
“Yeah, a seven o’clock, I guess? I told him I’d cancel it for him, but he said it wasn’t needed. Said there was ‘no reason for him to show up’ and then he left,” she said, using air quotes as she held her files awkwardly. “To blow off steam,” she mocked. “Like women don’t know what that really means.” Scoffing, she rolled her eyes.
I let out a tiny breath of air, not gasping, but still in shock. Katie’s annoyed grimace turned flat, her eyes widening and her lips parting. “Fuck, I . . . fuck,” she whispered harshly. “I shouldn’t have said any of that. I’m just frustrated, and I’ve been working on something that I needed to go over with him, and he blew me off to go get, um—and that’s not your fault, I just started complaining, and I shouldn’t have said any of that to you.” Her words spilled out, rushed, and filled with horror.
Nova licked my arm, whining ever so slightly.
I cleared my throat. “Mates don’t . . . they don’t step out of the relationship. The bond . . . That’s not how it works,” I said, trying to convince myself he wouldn’t do that.
Katie’s gaze softened, and she looked at me with sympathy. “You’ll get used it. Being royalty,” she repeated, echoing her earlier statement. “Royal mates do whatever they want. Look at Mathis. Everyone knows he fucks around even though he’s mated. Elias is um, well he’s hard to please. He’ll be good to you, but . . . you know . . . monogamy isn’t his thing. He has a reputation for that too. It’s a royalty thing. It’s just . . . It’s just how it is,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry, Dannika. I’ve said entirely too much, and it wasn’t my place.” She shook her head, sniffling and walking by me as quickly as she could. I watched her go, taking the stairs swiftly.
Looking down at Nova, I didn’t know what to do. So I just walked back to our room with her by my side. No licks or nudges. No sounds. One step after the other, my feet felt like lead as an overwhelming sadness tried to pull me under.
When I opened the door, I looked at the chair by the fireplace. I moved across the room silently, and I fell back into it, letting the pain take over. I’d been sitting there like a damned fool all night. Like a loyal puppy, eagerly waiting for Elias to come home and give me affection.
I’d imagined he’d walk through the door, smiling. That he’d apologize, and I’d apologize. I could tell him that Markus had rejected me and that more than anything in this world, I wanted to be with him. To be part of his family, and for him to be part of mine. I could tell him that I loved him. And he would admit he felt the same.
I replayed our times together over and over in my mind. I swore he’d felt it too.
But he didn’t.
Katie’s words echoed. I knew Mathis was terrible to his mate. Everyone knew. I’d just never really thought about how it was possible. I didn’t know how royalty or leaders could feel a different mate bond. But I knew Katie wasn’t wrong about Mathis. I knew I wasn’t accustomed to how it all worked because not only had I rejected my mate and fought against the bond, but I also wasn’t heir. That had been taken from me. There was so much I didn’t know, and I felt so stupid for it. So naïve.
Bianca had told me that he and Katie had been together, but it didn’t work out. Now I knew why. She didn’t want to be cheated on, and she didn’t want to be the mistress. Elias and I weren’t even real mates. That was my future with him.
He’d never even wanted a mate. No distraction. No commitment. I understood why. I just hadn’t understood that everything behind the scenes was to get laid. I choked on a sob, coughing when I tried to rein it in, shaking my head violently to make the realization just go away.
Leaning forward, I put my head in my hands, fingers scraping my scalp. I grabbed and pulled, wrenching it tightly, cursing the dirty thoughts as they filtered through my mind. A growl built in my throat. Nova whined, her head nuzzling my leg from where she lay on the carpet.
I had been ostracized and ridiculed my entire life. I’d had rumors spread while people had pointed their crooked fingers at me, laughing and mocking, making sure I’d heard every vile word, but I didn’t care because those people had never mattered to me.
None of that held a candle to what I was feeling now.
