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Her fuckin’ dad is a piece of shit.
Marry her cheating ex?What kind of monster does something like that.
I’m also pissed she went to him for money. But something’s missing here. Luna doesn’t spend a lot of cash. She’s hopeless at saving, and for her to go to him to ask for that much money is just too illogical for me to comprehend. You also don’t need fifty grand to travel.
I’ll get the truth out of her if it’s the last thing I do.
Bit by bit, I’ll break her walls. I know if I push her too far, she’ll retreat. But it seems like she wants to at least get this shit with her dad and Brian off her chest.
“You lied?” she says, repeating my words from earlier. “What does that even mean?”
I grunt. “It means what you think it means. I pushed you away because I was thinkin’ about everyone else and not us. I didn’t want our parents to be unhappy or for us to feel shame, so I walked away. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. When you left, Lu…” I trail off.
I can’t even.
She fuckin’ broke something inside of me and I know it has a lot to do with my mom leaving.
Only wanting to know me again when I was a big superstar.
“You hurt me,” she whispers. “I couldn’t get hurt over and over, T. I knew that you wouldn’t go through with it, and I was at the point where I wanted to tell everyone. I was ready, but you weren’t. So I had to leave. It was the best thing I ever did. We’re better people because of it, aren’t we? Who knows what would have happened if we had shacked up together. I was still hurting from Brian… andstuff,but now I see that I had to grow. I had to be by myself for a while. Even if it meant not seeing you.”
I shake my head. “I never meant to hurt you,” I say, looking down at her lap. “It cut me deep when you left. But I thought I was doing the right thing.”
She cups my face, and I look back up at her. “I forgive you, T. I know that this situation isn’t ideal. But I also know that I can’t go through that again. You’re either in or you’re out. And if you’re out, it’s for real this time. We both know we can’t keep doing this. Before long, one of us will want more or one of us will want out.”
“I’ll never want out,” I blurt out. “I know that now. Don’t make me beg, woman.”
Her lips part. “I didn’t know… I didn’t know you cared this much.”
“Just because I don’t tell it to the world, that doesn’t mean I don’t feel it.” I take her hand and place it on my chest. “I made a promise to always protect you, Lu. I thought that’s what I was doin’ by keepin’ you away. I thought I was lettin’ you live your life like you’re supposed to.”
She shakes her head, tears welling in her eyes.
That son of a bitch caused her this pain, and fuckin’ Brian, but so did I. I played a part in putting those tears in her eyes. A lump forms in my throat.
“It wasn’t the same without you,” she whispers. “I tried to forget. I tried to just live my life somewhere else thinking I’d forget about you eventually. But I couldn’t. That’s why I came back.”
“Every fuckin’ day I cursed myself,” I mutter. “I can’t… I can’t always say what I want to, Lu. You know me, you know about…”
“Your mom?” she whispers, like it’s a secret and someone might overhear us.
I nod.
The pain hits me like a hurricane.
I missed my mom when she left. I cried for days, according to my father. It’s a memory I’ve since wiped from my brain. I tend to do that with painful areas of my life. I carefully dissect them into non-existence and it’s like it never happened.
When my mom came crawling back once I got drafted and was the star quarterback for the Steelers, everything changed. She wanted to know me. She wanted to be a part of my life again.All of a sudden.
I was bitter and resentful and couldn’t see straight at that time of my life. No matter what, there is no excuse for leaving us. She didn’t go to rehab. She didn’t have an accident and was in a coma. She started a new family elsewhere and left me and my dad alone.
I wrapped myself in a cocoon so tight that I never really broke free of it. My mom frosted my heart over and, yeah, I do blame her. Her rejection was confusing to me. I didn’t understand it or where my mom had gone.
When I learned the truth when I was older, the bitterness just ate me alive.
“You know my mom left to start a new life in Florida,” I say. “She left me and my Dad and I never got why. Then she tried to weasel her way back in when I made it big. She even had the audacity to ask for money.” I shake my head at the memory.
“I’m so sorry, T,” Luna says. “We’ve both had a shitty parent each. We didn’t deserve that from either one of them.”
