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I close my eyes momentarily and let my anger subside. I’ve done well over the years at being able to push it back down, never really letting any of it come to the surface unless I’m provoked.
And I certainly never took it out on other women. If anything, it made me skeptical and afraid to commit. I never wanted to be rejected like that again, so I pushed anyone away who got too close. Including Luna.
“I admit that I pushed you away,” I say. “It’s who I am, Lu. I can’t help it. Some things in me are buried so deep that now they’re just a part of me.”
She stares at me with such love in her eyes, love I’ve never seen before. “Oh, but they aren’t, T. When you smile…” She shakes her head. “It lights up a room. When you laugh—not that you do it very often—the whole world is brighter. It’s brighter because you’re in it, don’t you get it?”
I wrap my arms around her waist. “I do now.”
She sighs. “Why has it taken us this long to get all of this shit out?”
I shrug. “It’s just how we are.”
“Do you forgive your mother?” she asks softly.
I shake my head. “If I’m honest, the answer is no. But I’ve come to terms with it. I’ve made peace with it. Maybe I haven’t dealt with it fully, but I channeled my anger into doing things I love doing, rather than shit that could get me in trouble.”
“You were a bit of a spoiled brat after the NFL,” she quips.
I roll my eyes. “I had a lot of money and a lot of time on my hands. I was bitter about everything. The loss of my career. My injury would render me useless. I didn’t know who I was without it for a long time. Which is why I joined the Rebels. I needed to be around people who…” I take a breath.
She smiles encouragingly. “Who…”
“Cared about me,” I grit out, looking away.
“I care about you,” she whispers. “You don’t know how much, T. I just didn’t want to admit it either. I wanted to just hate you for rejecting me and reminding me of what we are and what we would never be. I carried that around for so long, unsure what to do with it or where to direct my anger and hurt. I bottled it up. And I took it out on you.”
Guilt rises in my chest. “I never wanted to hurt you.”
She nods. “I know that now. But I’ve also come to a new realization.”
“Oh yeah? What’s that?”
She smiles warmly. “That I can’t live without you, T. What do you think about that?”
I move my hands up her arms as she continues to beguile me with her gaze. She’s so beautiful, it takes my breath away. Her eyes are still bloodshot, and they look tired from her crying, but she’s a vision. Like she always is and always will be.
“I think we’re gonna have to come clean because I don’t wanna live without you either.”
Her lips part again. “I never thought I’d hear you say those words.”
“Want me to say them again?” I bump her with my hips.
“Just once, but this time I want to record it for future reference.”
I bump her again. “Funny.”
“What changed?” she asks. “Why now?”
“Why not now?” I throw back at her. “I’m sick of pretendin’, Lu. I told Harlem about us. He hasn’t told anyone, I trust him. And he reminded me that you’re fair game. That at some point soon, you’re gonna find someone else, and would be around the club with him. He’s gonna be inmyplace. Inmybed. Doingmyol’ lady, and I couldn’t live with that. I couldn’t bear to imagine you with another man, Lu. I’d kill them. I couldn’t ever let that happen.”
Her lips part, and before I know it, she presses them to mine and pulls me in closer by the lapels of my cut. She swings her arms around my neck as our tongues meet and a feral noise leaves the back of my throat as we kiss with vigor.
Fuck. She makes my dick so painfully hard. Every little damn touch has my cock weeping, but I also want her to know it ain’t just about the physical stuff.
When we pull apart, I mutter, “Not just about sex, want you to know that.”
“But you do like the sex, right?” she blurts out.
