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She thought I’d saved her. More disgust and shame filled me.
Jake shook his head. “No, not Jude, Ki. Someone else.”
“Who was it, then?” Her head swiveled among us. “I can’t remember a face, everything’s so fuzzy right now.”
“Well, that’s the thing,” her friend began, his blue eyes piercing the gloom. “We’re not entirely sure who it was. There was a flash of a man and then you were simplyhere.”
She started to try and sit up when I reacted. “Kiara.” I lightly placed my hand on her shoulder. “You need to lie down for a bit. Rest.”
She smiled at me, and my world shattered.
I couldn’t handle that look—I didn’t deserve it. Bolting to my feet, I backed up, away from her, away from Jake and Patrick. Confusion marred her features.
“Where are you going?” she called out, straining her neck. “Jude!”
But I didn’t respond. I needed to center myself and put distance between us before I got us all killed.
She continued to call my name, and every time, my heart fractured that much more.
I couldn’t think clearly when she was around, and that weakened me, putting her at risk. And I would never let her down again. Even if my chest tightened painfully at the thought, it was for her own good, and whether or not it cleaved me in two, I would keep my distance until we got out of this cursed place.
I realized I’d do anything for her, even if it meant hurting myself in the meantime.
Chapter Forty-Four
Kiara
The Gods grow powerful with the prayers of mortals. Every wish and token bestowed on them grants them strength, and perhaps that was why Raina had been one of the mightiest deities ever known. It could be argued that the other gods had grown jealous, and some even celebrated her fall.
Excerpt from Asidian Lore: A Tale of the Gods
Before my weak heart could ache at Jude’s absence, Patrick shoved into my line of sight, his green eyes creased with concern. And a tinge of something else.
“I’m here, Ki,” he cooed, wiping the sweat from my brow and smoothing the hair back from my face. “I won’t leave you. Ever again.”
My skin burned where his hand caressed. Whereas Jude’s touch soothed, Patrick’s scalded.
“Water. Please.”
Patrick nodded at my feeble request. Diving into his jacket, he retrieved his canteen and cradled the back of my head as he brought the spout to my lips. “Drink,” he whispered, his lips grazing my ear.
The water seared my throat as it went down, but I thanked him afterward, licking at my chapped lips. “Why were you all arguing?” I thought I’d heard raised voices as I came to. Accusations of some sort. Jake eased to my other side, my two friends sandwiching me between them. It was Jake who answered my question.
“Patrick was just concerned for you, that’s all.” He glanced at Pat, who stared off, anywhere but at me. “We’re all just overwhelmed.”
“I shouldn’t have said all those things to him,” Patrick muttered, mainly to himself. “But what I regret more is leaving you. I abandoned you, and I was a coward.”
I bolted upright, a throbbing ache pulsating down my limbs. I vividly remembered taking off my gloves, and yet cool leather swathed my hands and fingers, causing me to doubt my own memory. Tingles radiated from each fingertip, and while the details of the fight remained shrouded, I could practically feel the viscous, black blood that had covered me. I shuddered. There was a limit to what someone could handle, and focusing on the wickedness living inside me was not at the top of my list.
“Don’t you dare say that, Pat,” I snapped, my hand reaching out to grasp his chin. I held his stare as I said, “I couldn’t have lived with myself if I didn’t get youboth”—I shot a look at Jake—“to safety. It would have haunted me for the rest of my days.”
And it was true. Somewhere along the way, these boys had become my brothers. And I fought for my family. Patrick gave a somber nod, not entirely believing my impassioned words.
A part of me wondered what they’d think if they knew the monster I was.
My hands twitched at my side as I contemplated taking off my gloves and exposing my secrets once and for all. Instead of being brave, I curled them into fists.
I glanced to the trees, to where Jude vanished. He’d be back; he had to. We had yet to make it to theX, after all. Still, his absence stung.
