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I kept repeating the words and I couldn’t stop. I understood that I’d have to kill eventually if I ever became a true Knight, but…doing it? That was an entirely different story.
Somewhere behind me, I heard shouts to light the torches. Another voice demanding something called nightshade.
But the only thing I could feel were those firm arms holding me, clutching me securely. And all I could hear was that deep, velvety voice telling me that everything was going to be all right—
Though I didn’t believe a single word.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Jude
Danger lurks on the outskirts of the Mist. Travelers claim to have seen bears the size of five men and wolves with red eyes and razor-sharp claws. The worst, they claimed, were the spiders. Their venom, like acid, burns through the skin, and one bite causes the victim unimaginable pain. There is no cure.
Letter from Admiral Jarkon to King Cirian,
year 7 of the curse
Kiara stared off in the direction of the cave where Carter had met his end.
An hour had come and gone, and still I couldn’t seem to shake her from her stupor.
The first thing I’d done was to lead her away from prying eyes. Isiah’s gaze lingered on us for a second too long before he nodded his understanding and barked orders for the recruits to settle within the curve of the torches, far from the Mist’s entrance.
He had talked to them, trying to ease their fears. He’d probably shared a story from his youth, one of religion and of the gods he so revered. Stories I never believed. The most powerful of the gods were useless, and even the minor deities had rarely shown their faces since Raina’s disappearance. They deserved none of my reverence.
Carter was dead, and faith was the furthest thing from my mind. He’d been a decent man, and the fact that I wasn’t broken in two was a testament to my coarseness. Death had become my truth.
I shook thoughts of my own callousness aside and shifted to where the recruits were huddled around Patrick, who spoke animatedly about his understanding of nightshade. The boy knew more than most about the deadly poison. He’d produced a sack of it and handed it to Isiah as a precaution, should more spiders appear. Apparently they feared the scent. I’d noticed all the texts Patrick had kept beneath his cot back at the sanctum, and I was grateful I had—his knowledge might save us.
“Kiara?” I tried again, hating that vacant look on her face. There was no spark, noanything. Just a shell. I’d brought her to where we’d sat earlier, far from the light.
She needed time to process. But that emptiness…
Carefully, I wound my arms around her waist and hauled her into my lap, hoping my warmth might jolt her out of her daze. Gently, I positioned her to where her head rested against my chest, her ear above my heart. She didn’t respond.
“You’re all right,” I murmured in her ear, rocking us back and forth. I’d never comforted another, so I wasn’t sure if I was doing it properly. I felt foolish even trying, my movements awkward.
I began to take one of her gloved hands in mine when she flinched. She instantly jerked away and took her hand with her. Whenever I so much as looked at her hands, she tended to shut down.
Slowly, so very slowly, she drew back, just enough to peer into my eyes. I wanted to thank all the gods I hated when I saw recognition shine within them.
“W-what happened?” she croaked, and fighting my urge to pull her closer, to clutch her tighter, I loosened my hold enough for her to sit up.
“The spiders have been dealt with,” I said, not sure what else to say.
“I killed him.” Her voice was small, not like the girl I knew who spoke with unwavering conviction and a grating amount of confidence.
I shook my head. “You saved him from more pain. He was already gone. Bitten by hundreds of them. You did what I would have done myself.”
Kiara shivered, her gaze once more following back to the tunnel. “But they’re gone? The spiders?”
“Yes,” I assured. “The fire wiped out most of them, but the nightshade Patrick possessed acted like an acidic poison, killing the lingering few. They’re all dead.”
Her nod was stiffer than my body. “Where are the others?” she asked, scanning the cavern. She relaxed slightly when she found them attempting sleep once more. Though I doubted they’d managed to even shut their eyes.
“You did what you had to do,” I murmured into her ear again, knowing my words meant shit. “The first kill is always the hardest.”
The first life you took marked you, branded you in ways you’d never recover from.
